


Promises Kept and Promises Broken

by rosesparks



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Juvie, M/M, ankle monitors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-08-17 06:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 80,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8133116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesparks/pseuds/rosesparks
Summary: Jared arrives at school on Monday morning, unaware that anything has changed until he hears rumors about the new kid who was just released from juvie.  Meanwhile, Jensen just wants to keep his head down and stay out of trouble so he won't have to end up back in juvie.  When the two are assigned to be partners for a class project, they start to learn more about each other and realize maybe they were both too quick to judge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for NaNoWriMo in 2015 and while I absolutely loved the story idea, it took me a long time to get around to actually editing it. The first draft is done and I'll be posting chapters as I finish editing. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Jared Padalecki made his way back through the school hallways to get to his locker after his first period Pre-Calculus class. The whole hall seemed to be buzzing, but that was nothing new. It was Monday, so someone had undoubtedly done something stupid over the weekend and it was just now working its through the entire student body. Jared didn’t pay much attention as he opened his locker and shoved his things from math class inside. He looked up to see Chad running toward him and skidding to a stop just a few feet away from his locker.

“Did you hear?” Chad asked, slightly out of breath. He had probably sprinted all the way from the other end of the school where he had just finished his P.E. class. Jared rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to fishing out his books for his English class. 

“I don’t really care what stupid thing so-and-so did last weekend,” Jared said as he tried to figure out where he had shoved his copy of Wuthering Heights.  
Jared loved having Chad as a friend, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. While Jared chose not to pay much attention to the rumors that got passed around the school, Chad clung to every one and made sure to help spread them around.

“No, no, no. Wait? Did someone do something this weekend that I should know about?”

“Not that I know of,” Jared said. “And besides, you know that I don’t care about that kind of stuff. Ah!” Jared finally saw the tattered book buried at the bottom a large stack of books and notebooks.

“But this isn’t that kind of stuff. There’s a new kid.”

“So?” While new kids weren’t unheard of, it was weird to have some start mid semester. Who transfers schools in the beginning of March?

“The kid’s got an ankle monitor.”

“What?” Jared asked, turning to actually face Chad. He had always tried to stay out of people’s private lives, but he couldn’t deny that his interest was piqued.

“Yeah. We all saw it in P.E.”

“Are you sure?” Jared’s eyes narrowed. It wouldn’t have been the first time Chad’s information was wrong and Jared was sure that it wouldn’t be the last.

“Of course I’m sure,” Chad snapped. “That means that the kid went to jail. Now apparently he’s out and he’s going to our school and—”

“Look, Chad, keep talking, but I gotta go,” Jared said. He had glanced at the clock hanging above the lockers on the other side of the hall and found that he had just over a minute to get to his next class. “Tell me at lunch.”

“I’m just warning you, Jared. You gotta look out for yourself,” Chad called after him.

Jared didn’t respond, instead just walked away and toward his second period English class. When the class started, Mr. Harrison began lecturing about his interpretation of Wuthering Heights occasionally pausing and asking for his students’ input. Jared tried to pay attention, but his mind kept wandering back to the short conversation with Chad.

Jared tried to keep his nose out of other people’s business. He knew that this new kid was none of his business, but this was new territory and although he would never admit it, he wanted to know more. What if the kid had done something really horrible? They don’t give kids ankle monitors for no reason. 

Lunch couldn’t come soon enough. Despite Jared’s attempts to focus in class, it just wasn’t possible. He knew he wasn’t the only one who was distracted by the gossip. All anyone could talk about was the new kid and what he must have done to get stuck with that monitor.

As he walked into the cafeteria, he was unsurprised to find students huddled around the small circular tables, deep in discussion. As he walked through the large room toward his usual table, he caught snippets of each clique’s conversation.

“—an ankle monitor—“

“I heard he was dealing drugs.”

“I heard he murdered a guy.”

“Why would they let him in here?”

Chad was already sitting their table, engaged in a serious conversation with Genevieve and Misha. Jared already knew what they were talking about.

“I’m telling you, it’s just not right,” Chad said.

Jared set his lunch down on the table, before sitting down himself.

“You would think there would be some kind of restrictions,” Genevieve added. “I mean, if he was in juvie, that has to mean he’s dangerous, right? Like he’s a criminal?”

“That’s exactly my point!” Chad exclaimed. “It’s like what I was trying to tell Jared this morning before he so rudely walked away from me.”

Jared looked up and hastily swallowed the large bite of sandwich he had just taken. “The only reason I left you this morning was because I was going to be late for class, and unlike some people, that does matter.”

“It’s just class, no one’s going to care about a few tardies, especially when there’s a criminal roaming these halls,” Chad reasoned.

Jared forced himself to suppress a laugh. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Don’t tell me you support this,” Genevieve said, turning to look at Jared, a look of disbelief and mild horror plastered across her face. 

“I never said that,” Jared retorted.

“Oh shit, that’s him!” Chad yelled in a whisper.

Before Jared could think about what he was doing, he turned around and looked in the same direction as Chad. Sure enough, there was a boy that Jared had never seen before, with dirty blond hair, freckles, and clothes that looked like they had seen better days. The boy didn’t pay attention to anyone as he walked to the front of the cafeteria and got his lunch. The entire cafeteria had quieted down with everyone watching the new kid. Without saying a single word, the boy got his lunch and left the cafeteria. 

“So that’s the new kid?” Jared asked. He didn’t look dangerous, so Jared couldn’t help but wonder what the kid actually got in trouble for. It obviously was something serious if he went to juvie and was now wearing an ankle monitor. 

“Yeah, that’s Jensen,” Genevieve said, bringing her focus back to the table. “You haven’t had him in class yet?” 

“Nothing yet, maybe won’t even have him in any of my classes,” Jared said before taking another large bite of his sandwich. 

“Lucky,” Genevieve huffed. “I’ve got him for both math and for chemistry.”

“And I’ve got him for P.E.,” Chad commented. “What about you Misha? You have any classes with him?”

“I had English with him. He was really quiet. Didn’t really say anything.”

“That’s because he’s planning out how he’s going to commit his next crime and which one of us he’s going to attack,” Chad said.

“You are such an idiot,” Jared said, rolling his eyes.

“Are you actually standing up for him?” Chad asked, looking slightly betrayed.

Jared sighed. “Look. I’m not standing up for him. I just think that we shouldn’t worry about him right now. At least not until he actually does something.”

“By then it might be too late,” Genevieve reasoned.

“Exactly. Everyone’s gotta watch their back cause we don’t know what he’s capable of.”

As much as Jared didn’t want to admit it, he could kind of see Chad’s point. They didn’t know what he had done and Jared had no doubt that the entire student body was going to be keeping an eye on the new kid, just like he would. 

The bell that signaled the end of lunch came way to soon for Jared’s liking. He and his friends all said their goodbyes before heading off in different directions for class. Genevieve and Chad headed toward English, while Misha made his way to his math class. Jared grabbed his books and walked toward American History with Mr. Trudeau. He arrived at the classroom and sank into his usual seat, determined to actually pay attention this afternoon and not be distracted by thoughts of the new kid.

That plan went out the window about thirty seconds before the bell rang when Jensen walked through the door and sat down in one of the empty seats. He stared at his desk and refused to make eye contact with anyone. Jared couldn’t blame him. Jensen had to have realized that everyone had spent the day gossiping about his and it definitely didn’t help when the entire room became dead silent as soon as he had walked in.

The bell rang and Mr. Trudeau walked to the front of the room. “Before we continue our look at the causes leading to World War I, we have a new student today.” Although Jensen kept his head pointed down and his eyes fixed on his desk, Jared didn’t miss the scowl that made it’s way on to Jensen’s face at Mr. Trudeau’s words. Jared couldn’t help but wonder if that was how all of his classes had been today, Jensen trying to fly under the radar, while the teachers tried to be polite and introduce him to the class.

“Jensen,” Mr. Trudeau continued. “Do you want to introduce yourself?”

“Not really,” Jensen mumbled, not looking up to meet Mr. Trudeau’s eyes. 

Mr. Trudeau seemed a little taken aback, but recovered quickly. “Ok, now that we’re done with the business, let’s get in to the good stuff. We left off talking about what was going on in Europe prior to World War I, if my notes are correct.”

Jared scribbled down notes as Mr. Trudeau lectured. Despite his promise before class to not get distracted by thoughts of Jensen, Jared couldn’t help but sneak glances in Jensen’s direction. Occasionally, Jensen would write something in his notebook, but Jared had no idea if it actually pertained to what their teacher was saying or if he was doing like Chad had theorized: plotting out his next crime. 

Jared now had a better view of Jensen, much better than what he had had in the cafeteria. Still, Jared just couldn’t picture Jensen as the type of person to do something that would land him in juvie. He looked angry, but Jared supposed that today hadn’t been the best or easiest of days for him. The more glances Jared took, the more he realized that Jensen, despite his criminal past, was attractive. 

His dirty blonde hair was formed into short spikes on top of his head. His face was lightly dusted with freckles and Jared wondered if they became more noticeable if he was out in the sun. He could also see Jensen’s bright green eyes, something he hadn’t been able to see because of the distance in the cafeteria earlier. Jared didn’t know if it was because he had spent the last two and a half years looking at the same people or if Jensen was really just that attractive. Either way, Jared knew it wasn’t good.

Jensen was a criminal and having a crush on a criminal, especially one that was still on probation and wearing an ankle monitor was just a bad idea. Not only that, but Jared was sure that Jensen wasn’t gay, but that was much lower on the list of problems.

Jared shook his head, trying to instead focus on what Mr. Trudeau’s lecture. He was shocked to learn that the topic had switched and he was now going to have a huge gap in his notes since he was too busy thinking about Jensen to focus on the lecture.

The bell rang and Jared couldn’t have been happier. He quickly packed up his things and started to make his way to the door before noticing that Jensen was already gone. He must have slipped out the second the bell rang so he could avoid as many students as possible.

Jared’s next class was chemistry with Chad. When Jared slid into his desk two minutes later, he was surprised to find that Chad was already sitting in the desk next to him. “You’re early,” Jared commented.

Chad just shrugged, but didn’t say anything. 

“I had Jensen in my last class,” Jared said.

“Jensen?”

All Chad had talked about since their first break today was Jensen. How was it possible that Chad had already forgotten his name? “The new kid,” Jared reminded him. 

“Really?” Chad asked, his interest was obviously piqued as he shifted closer to Jared to hear all the details.

“I mean he didn’t say much, kept his head down, but he was still there.”

“At least you don’t have him in P.E.,” Chad complained. “I mean it’s bad enough that I have to know that he was in juvie, but then he’s pretty athletic too, so he could easily kick someone’s ass if he wanted. He probably wouldn’t even think twice about it.”

“Maybe,” Jared agreed.

The bell rang and the class started. It passed with the same dullness as the rest of Jared’s classes that day, despite Jared’s best efforts to focus on what was actually being taught. It was just ridiculous. So what if there was a new kid? So what if that kid had been in juvie? That kind of stuff shouldn’t affect his education. He’s never paid attention to the stupid gossip passed through the school before, so why now? 

He knew that eventually there would be some new piece of gossip and everyone would be focused on that. Maybe then Jared’s life could just go back to normal and he could forget about Jensen.

That night at dinner, Jared’s parents mentioned that he seemed distracted. As much as he had tried, thoughts of Jensen just wouldn’t leave him alone. “It’s fine, really,” Jared had insisted. He hadn’t wanted to talk to his parents about the new kid, especially because he knew that he would get a lecture about staying away from Jensen because of his past. Besides, Jared already had already decided that he was going to stay away from him. He knew that it would be better for him in the long run. Now all he had to do was forget about him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read and left kudos and comments so far! Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

Jensen stared at the large building from the front seat of his mother's car. From the outside, it looked like any other school, but that didn’t provide any comfort.

"You can just let me out here," he told his mom. It may have been his first day at a new school but that didn't mean that's she had to treat him like a five year old starting their first day of kindergarten. 

“No, I can drop you off closer,” his mother said. 

"Oh come on, mom, I can just walk from here. It’s not like I'm going to just walk out and not go. You can trust me,” Jensen insisted.

"Can I?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the road.

Jensen was silent. More than anything, he wished that he could have his mother’s trust again. Like many teenagers, he never fully appreciated it until he had lost it completely. "Mom," Jensen said.  "I promise I'm not going to do anything."

His mom took a deep breath. "I want to believe you, but after everything, I just don't know what to believe anymore." Even though she wouldn’t turn to look at him, he could see that her entire face was tense.

Jensen didn't know how to respond. After everything that had happened over the last couple years, he didn't even know what to believe either. All he knew is that he was going to do whatever it took to not make the same mistakes again. "Look, mom.  I promise that I'm not going to cut class or do anything stupid. I'm going to just keep my head down until the end of the day."

"And then you'll come right home," she said, her voice more stern than he had ever heard in his life. 

"Yeah,” Jensen promised. "Right home, as soon as the bell rings."

They were just about at the front of the drop off line and Jensen's mom turned to look at him. "You know I love you," she said. "I just want what's best for you."

Jensen sighed. “I know.” He flung open his door and jumped out before his mother could say anything else. He didn't need to hear anymore of the disappointment in her voice.

Jensen didn't pay much attention to the other students around him as he made his way up the steep, concrete steps and into the school. Immediately upon entering the building, Jensen turned right and pulled open the door to the main office. It was the only place in the building that he actually knew the location of, but he knew he would learn everything soon enough. 

He and his mother had come in the previous week to meet with the principal about getting enrolled in the school.  It hadn't been an easy, or a particularly pleasant, event. The principal, Mr. Chambers, had seemed less than pleased to find that someone like Jensen was asking to transfer to his school and Jensen couldn’t blame him. In the end, Jensen was allowed to attend after several warnings that they didn’t tolerate fights, crude language, and a long list of other things. Jensen tuned Mr. Chambers out as he rambled. It was the same list of things that he had gone over with his probation officer and Jensen knew that he had to keep his nose down and stay out of trouble.

Jensen walked up to the front desk and was about to ask for his help when he noticed the secretary—Mrs. Marsh, according to the nameplate on her desk—was on the phone. Jensen felt incredibly awkward standing there, but there was nothing he could do except look around and try to get some kind of feel for his new school. As long as he kept out of trouble, this would be his school for the next year and a half.

It felt so different from his old schools. His most recent school was part of the state juvenile detention system, so obviously it wouldn’t feel quite the same. The school before that, though, was so much different than this. Part of him wished that he could have stayed at his old school because then there would have at least been some kind of familiarity, but the other part of him, the more rational part, was happy to be away from all of those obnoxious, arrogant, and judgmental people. However, Jensen had been expelled from that school over a year ago, so he wouldn’t have been able to attend even if he wanted to.

“Ok, so what can I do for you?” Mrs. Marsh asked.

“Uh,” Jensen said, phrasing his response more like a question than an answer. “I’m here for my first day. I was told to come here to pick up my schedule and some other things.”

She started to ruffle through a stack of papers on the corner of her desk. “Let’s see. Jensen?”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, feeling incredibly self conscious. He adjusted his backpack strap on his shoulder and prayed that she would hurry up.

“Ok, so here’s your schedule,” Mrs. Marsh said, handing Jensen a stack of papers. “There’s some other informational sheets in there, including all of your locker information, but just let us know if you have any questions.” She seemed so pleasant and so nice, almost as if she was willing to look beyond Jensen’s past. Then again, maybe she didn’t know anything and he was just like any other new student. That would sure explain a lot.  
Jensen quickly flipped through the papers and said, “Thanks.”

“Ok then, I think you’re all set.”

He turned on his heal and headed out of the office. He glanced down at the top sheet that contained his new schedule.

_1st Period (8:00 - 8:45) - P.E. - Gymnasium A - Mr. Miller_   
_2nd Period (8:50 - 9:35) - Pre-Calculus - Room 212 - Mrs. Elbourne_   
_3rd Period (9:40 - 10:25) - English 11 - Room 104 - Mrs. Winter_   
_4th Period (10:30 - 11:15) - Chemistry - Room 208 - Mrs. Reardon_   
_Lunch (11:15 - 11:45)_

Jensen stopped reading halfway down the sheet. He took a deep breath and looked at his watch. He had six minutes to find Gymnasium A and get changed. He flipped through the papers one more time and sure enough, the very last sheet in the stack contained a map of the school. It was vague and slightly blurry, but it was better than wandering for several minutes and just hoping he would find it. He quickly memorized his path—straight passed the office, right when he couldn’t go straight any further, and down to the left—and shoved the papers in his backpack. He could unload the notebooks and pens into his locker later.

He pushed the door to the boys’ locker room open and was greeted by a foul odor. Grimacing, he pushed his way further into the room. There were boys scattered throughout the room, some partially changed, others fully ready for class. Jensen kept his head down and went to one of the empty benches. He could feel eyes following him as he heard the noise level drop significantly. This was exactly not what he wanted. He wanted to be able to fly under the radar and go unnoticed.

Jensen opened his backpack and pulled out his gym clothes. Spotting the bathroom in the corner of the locker room, Jensen made his way over, trying to ignore the whispers that followed him. He went into the stall and hastily changed clothes, trying to make sure to keep his ankle monitor exposed for the shortest amount of time possible. At least in the future, he could just come to school changed in his gym clothes so he wouldn’t have to worry about changing at school. For today though, he just had to suck it up and hope that no one would catch a glimpse of his ankle. He knew that if they saw it, any hope of flying under the radar would fly out the window faster than Jensen could say “ankle monitor”.

By the time he had changed and put his other clothes by his backpack, the locker room was nearly empty. There were still four boys in the corner, but Jensen didn’t bother waiting for them. He just pushed his way out of the locker room and towards the gym.

At the other end of the gym, a man stood wearing a tracksuit, a whistle around his neck, and held a clipboard in his hands. Could it be a bigger stereotype? Regardless, a group of students had already started to gather around him. Jensen walked up to the teacher and introduce himself, figuring that if he did it in private, he could maybe prevent drawing attention to himself once the class actually started.

“Yes, I was told we’d have a new student,” Mr. Miller said. “Just follow the group and you’ll catch on soon enough.”

That was that. It was awkward, but done. Jensen stood off to the side, but still close enough to the group so it looked like he was ready. A bell rang, which Jensen assumed meant that class was supposed to start.

“Ok, file in!” Mr. Miller called. The group of students seemed to move closer to the teacher and Jensen hastily followed the group. “Before we start, we have a new student. This is Jensen.”

Jensen felt his face burn as all of the attention shifted to him. Thankfully, it didn’t last long as Mr. Miller went on to explain what they were going to do that day.

The class started with some warm ups and since there were no explicit instructions, Jensen just tried to follow what the other students were doing.

“Hey!” a voice called. “Hey, you! New kid!”

Jensen looked up to see the source of the voice. A boy with shaggy blond hair was walking toward him. “Me?”

“Yeah, you’re the new kid?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, still unsure why the boy was talking to him in the first place. Didn’t people usually just avoid the new kids?

“We’re getting ready to split into teams and we’re wondering if you wanted to join ours,” the boy said.

“Ok?” Jensen said, slightly unsure of why the kid was introducing himself that way. “Sure.”

“Great! Come on,” the boy led the way back to where a small group of boys had already assembled. “Since Joe is out sick, we needed someone else. I’m Sam, by the way.”

Before Jensen could say anything more, a whistle sounded. “Ok! We’re going to continue with the same teams as last week. Since Joe is not here, Jensen will go with Sam, Jordan, Jake, and Trent,” Mr. Miller announced. He glanced over toward Jensen who was already standing with the group of boys. “Oh good, you’ve already teamed up. The five of you will start on the far court against Team B. Team’s C and D can start on this court. Let’s get going.”

Jensen turned and followed the four other boys to the farthest court on the gym. At least it was only basketball. That he could handle. “Ok, Jensen?” one of the boys asked. Jensen didn’t know who it was, all he knew was that it wasn’t Sam. “Just don’t screw this up. We’ve been undefeated so far and we don’t want to ruin our streak.”

Jensen couldn’t help but wonder why they were taking a few games of gym class basketball so seriously, but he chose to keep quiet. He took his place and watched as his four team members joked around. They must be friends just based off the way they interacted with each other. He couldn’t help but look on in jealousy. Before everything, he had a group of friends and they would act just like that during P.E. classes, but that was before. Before his expulsion, before juvie, before a lot of things. Jensen took a deep breath. He knew that it didn’t pay to keep dwelling on the past because it wouldn’t do him any good.

Mr. Miller’s whistle blew and all of the sudden Jensen heard two basketballs drop to the floor as people began dribbling as the game started. Jensen shook his head and tried to focus. The four other boys seemed to have it under control, but they at least still tried to include him in their plays.

Seven minutes later, the whistle blew again and they were instructed two switch games. Jensen’s team went to play Team C, while Team B went to play Team D. As they moved to switch courts, Sam walked up to him and patted him on the back. “Keep it up, man. If you keep doing this well, we might have to trade Joe to get you.”

Jensen didn’t know how to respond to that so he just said, “Uh, thanks. I’ll try.”

The whistle blew and another game started. Team C played with a lot more intensity than Team B played with. Jensen figured that it had something to do with the fact that this was another team of all boys. The previous team had been all girls, so even though the girls tried, Jensen’s team had been able to outplay them with very little effort. Team C was another story. They ran faster, jumped higher, and played harder.

Halfway in, Jensen was sweating profusely and panting heavily. His goal was just to keep up and that was proving to be difficult. He wished that he could wear lighter shorts, just like all of the other guys in his class, but shorts meant that his ankle was exposed and he definitely wasn’t ready for that. Not in the first class on his first day.

The boy that Jensen was assigned to guard was slightly taller than him and played a lot more aggressively. Jensen was sure that both he and the boy he was guarding had committed several fouls, but nothing was called and the game continued on.

During one particular play both Jensen and the other boy jumped to rebound the ball. Jensen got shoved by the taller boy and fell to the ground. He heard several gasps from the boys around him and looked down. Sure enough, his pant leg had risen just enough to leave the ankle monitor displayed for everyone to see.

“Dude…” someone said slowly.

Jensen hurried to his feet, adjusting his pant leg so that it was straight and completely covered his ankle again. He looked up. Everyone, unsurprisingly, was staring at him with wide eyes, not even bothering to hide their stares or their wide open mouths.

“Come on, boys!” Mr. Miller called. “What’s holding up the game?”

Everyone seemed to come back to themselves and realize they were still expected to participate in the game. As the game started again, the difference in how his teammates treated him was night and day. His teammates didn’t pass him the ball. They wouldn’t even look at him. It was as if they were pretending that he didn’t even exist and they were playing as a team of four. To make matters worse, the guy he had been guarding him refused to get closer than five feet, almost as if he was scared of catching some kind of infectious disease from Jensen’s ankle monitor.

Jensen shouldn’t have been surprised. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever, despite how much he wanted to. He was just hoping that he would have had a little bit more time. Maybe it was better this way. At least now he didn’t have to worry about getting close to people and becoming friends, only to have them turn on him later. He didn’t know for sure since he had been at this school for less than an hour, but he was sure that this school was like every other high school and gossip would spread like wildfire. Even when Jensen was in juvie, gossip spread like wildfire, and if gossip could spread in there, it could spread anywhere.

Class couldn’t end fast enough. When the bell finally rang, he was one of the first ones in the locker room. He gathered his things and headed to the shower, thankful that he was the first one there and was able to grab the single stall. He showered quickly and changed, not missing the whispered conversations that were taking place around the locker room.

Jensen finished and left the locker room without much fanfare. Once safely outside, he leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. He tried to calm himself, but it was hard when he knew that the day was only going to get worse from this point.

Jensen was initially tempted to just ditch the rest of his classes, something he had never considered until today, but two thoughts stopped that idea dead in its tracks. The first was that he was told that part of release on probation was that he had to attend school. Any attempt at skipping class could put him back in juvie. Secondly, and arguably more important, Jensen had promised his mom that he would stay in school. He was still trying to earn back the trust he once had and he couldn’t afford to screw that up.

Jensen reached into his backpack and pulled out the schedule and map. His next class was Pre-Calculus. If he was lucky, it would take at least one full period before news about him completely made it around the school. He shoved the papers back in his backpack and shouldered his bag. He had to stop by his locker and drop stuff off first and then make it to class on time without getting lost. He glanced down at his watch and saw that he had four minutes. It was doable if he moved quickly.

He walked through the door of the classroom just as the bell rang. He spotted an empty seat on the farthest row, right besides the window and moved quickly toward it, sinking down in his seat. There were several awkward stares at him, but he tried to pay them no attention. Mrs. Elbourne got up in front of the class and started.

“Before, we get started, we have a new student today,” she said. Jensen groaned inwardly, not wanting more attention drawn to himself. “Jensen Ackles.” Reluctantly, Jensen looked up to meet her eyes. “It’s nice to have you with us.”

“That’s him!” one whispered rather loudly from behind him.

“Are you sure?” another voice said.

“Of course, I’m sure!”

So much for gossip taking two periods to spread. People in his class already knew, so it really was just down hill from here.

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully, with Jensen just trying to keep his head down, especially when whispers and stares followed him everywhere he went. Teachers insisted on introducing him to the class, drawing even more attention. He heard the mumbles from people behind him, but tried not to pay them any attention. Although it became difficult when Jensen was assigned to a table in his chemistry class and the other three people at his table wouldn’t even make eye contact with him. They just worked on the sheet of practice problems together, trying to forget that there even was a fourth member at the table.

He was being left alone, and that was great, but he wished that people would make it less obvious that they were talking about him. However, he wasn’t in juvie anymore and that was definitely a huge improvement.

The bell for lunch rang as Jensen’s stomach growled. After making sure that he actually had some money in his pocket for lunch, he slammed his locker shut and followed the groups of students heading to the cafeteria.

He pushed open the doors to the cafeteria and walked inside. The room became dead silent. A pin drop could have been heard. Jensen tried not to dwell on it, instead making his way to the front of the cafeteria to the lunch line. There were lots of options, but everything was so expensive. Much more than he or his mom, who had given him the lunch money, were anticipating. That was probably for the best since nothing looked appetizing. Jensen grabbed an apple and a small bag of chips and went to the register. The room still hadn’t regained its normal level of noise, as if they were all still watching him waiting for him to do something.

He paid for his meal, put the meager change back in his pockets and made a quick decision that he was not going to eat here. Jensen knew that he wasn’t going to be able to join anyone’s table and he really didn’t want to sit at a table by himself, not with all of the students staring at him and passing around their rumors.

Once out of the cafeteria, he realized that he didn’t really know where to go. His initial plan had been to just find an empty table somewhere in the back corner of the cafeteria, away from everyone else. That plan had fallen through rather quickly. Jensen glanced to his left and saw a door with a bright, red exit sign hanging above it. Maybe a breath of fresh air would do him good.

He pushed open the door and walked outside, the fresh air feeling wonderful. Again, it was something that he never fully appreciated it until he had to go without it. He took a few more steps and went around the corner of the building before taking a seat on the group and pulling his knees up towards his chest. He leaned his head against the wall and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. The day was turning out be even more stressful than he was anticipating. Not that he was anticipating a walk in the park, but he definitely wasn’t expecting to be this hard.

Jensen leaned forward, taking a bite of his apple and making a face. It definitely was not the best apple he’d ever had, but it was better than what he got in juvie. He just had to grin and bare it because between this and the small bag of chips was all he had. He made a mental note to just save his money next time. It didn’t even pay to spend his money. He could just save it and use it for something else, like paying his mom back for all of the money she shelled out when he got arrested.

Jensen shook his head, trying to push those thoughts from his mind. He needed to think about something else and not keep dwelling on the past. It wasn’t going to do him any good.

After he finished his apple, he opened the bag of chips and pulled his schedule out of his pocket. American History, French, Basic Drawing, and Economics. Four more classes. Then he could go home.

The lunch period ended way too soon for Jensen’s liking. He stood up, brushed the dirt off his pants and made his way back into the school, trying to avoid the throngs of students going every direction to their classes.

Jensen’s afternoon classes passed slowly. Everyone avoided him like the plague and Jensen still didn’t know if that could be considered a good thing. At least he would never have to worry about people getting close to him and then turning on him if, and when, they found out about his past. Now, he could just keep his head down and wait for people to completely ignore him. That might just be easier.

When the final bell of the school day rang, Jensen rushed out of the classroom. He stopped by his locker long enough to grab a few books for homework before heading out of the building.

He pushed open the door after a short, but peaceful walk home. He felt calmer than he had all day now that he didn’t have to worry about the whispers and stares. Now, he could just focus on himself.

Jensen was unsurprised to find that no one else was home. His mom had to work a bit later today since she had taken the time to drop Jensen off this morning and his younger sister, Mackenzie, had tennis practice with her friends after school. Jensen slipped off his shoes by the door and went up to his room. He dropped his backpack on the floor and flopped on his bed, letting out a deep sigh of relief.

Jensen stared at the ceiling, thinking about the day. He had made it one day. Unfortunately, there were still a lot more days left in this school year. Not to mention that he was only a junior, so he still had one more whole year after this. That thought was terrifying. He honestly didn’t know if he would make it for a whole year, but he didn’t have much choice. Unless he wanted to go back to juvie, which was definitely not an option, he had to stick it out and go to school.

He thought back to times before, how before everything, he, like his sister, would be at a sports practice with his friends. Back when his mom didn’t have to worry about where he was and what he was doing. It wasn’t much these days, but she was a mom and still worried, especially after everything that happened and he really couldn’t blame her.

“Jensen?” his mom called, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Are you home?”

Jensen glanced at the alarm clock on his night stand, shocked to find that almost an hour had passed since he got home.

“Jensen?” she called, a bit more urgency in her voice this time.

“I’m here, mom,” Jensen called out as he got off his bed. He might as well go meet her. There was no doubt that she was going to want to talk about his day.

“Oh, there you are,” Jensen’s mom said when he walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, mom.”

“How was school?”

Jensen shrugged. “It was school, mom.”

She frowned, clearly not liking his answer.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, mom. I went,” Jensen said. He knew that she was just trying to make sure he was following all of the rules, but it didn’t make it any less frustrating. The last thing he wanted to do was relive his day. It was bad enough the first time around.

“Your classes were good?” she asked. “And the other kids?”

“Classes were fine. Not as challenging as it was before,” Jensen said. That wasn’t really surprising. His previous school had been a private school, priding itself on challenging its students, while preparing them for college. This was just another public school, strapped for funding and catering to students with a wide range of academic abilities. “Kids were…kids were about what I expected.” At least that much was true.

“Did they give you a hard time?”

Jensen shrugged, not really sure how to answer. “More like avoided me, but it’s fine.”

“That’s not fine.”

Jensen switched his gaze from the countertop to look his mother in the eyes. “There’s nothing you can do about it. I ran into a guy in gym and fell over. They saw the monitor and it didn’t take long for it to get all over school. No one wants to hang out with the kid who was in juvie.”

“Oh, Jensen…” his mom said, looking at his with sad eyes.

“Look, mom. There’s nothing you can do. It’s my own fault that I’m in this situation, so, you know,” Jensen said as he shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like I have anyone to blame but myself.” He may have hated himself for what he did, but that didn’t change a lot of things. “You can’t really blame kids for not wanting to associate with the new kid in the first place. Add my past on top of it and you just have a recipe for disaster.”

Jensen watched as his mom took a few deep breaths, as if she was unsure of what to say. He didn’t blame her. What do you say to your son when he’s put in that kind of situation? Finally, Jensen said, “Mom, it’s not your fault. None of this is, so please don’t blame yourself. It’s nothing that I can’t handle.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“I know, but I made really bad decisions before and now I just have to live with it. There’s not much I can do.”

She waited a moment, just staring at him. “One day, we’ll be able to put all of this behind us.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, wishing that he actually agreed with her. At this point, it was hard to actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. He would just have to keep going one day at a time.

“Do you have any homework?”

“Some,” Jensen said. “But I can do it later. Do you need help with dinner?”

“That’d be nice,” she said, offering a small smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to everyone who's been leaving kudos and comments. I really, really appreciate it. Enjoy!

Two weeks had passed and Jared had almost entirely forgotten about Jensen. The student body had been obsessed until the latest gossip about how one girl had left school because she had gotten pregnant and her parents had sent to her some private boarding school to keep everything hushed up. So, while people still knew somewhat about Jensen’s past, everyone seemed to have moved on. 

Jared still saw Jensen around school, most notably in their shared American History class, but at least now, he was able to focus things besides Jensen again. Homework was piling up and his parents were starting to ask, and even pressure, him about college. Plus, Chad was still trying to get Sophia to go on a date with him. It was just becoming too much to think about.

That all changed as Jared walked to the cafeteria on Tuesday. He had to stop and speak with one of his teachers after class and was running late for lunch. The halls were almost empty and although Jared wasn’t that late, he knew that it was because the cafeteria was serving tacos. Everyone seemed to go crazy on taco day and Jared couldn’t understand why. They were decent, but by no means a quality meal.

Jared was about to turn the corner when something caught his eye. He stopped and looked down a connecting hallway to his right. About halfway down the hall, Jensen stood across from Mike and Tom, the two stars from the school’s basketball team. Jared could tell that they were talking, but he was too far away to actually hear the conversation. He wasn’t a fan of eavesdropping or gossip, but right now he wished that he could hear what they were saying. Jared considered moving closer, but had second thoughts before he even started to move. What if they saw him? Jared tried his best to stay out of Mike and Tom’s way because he knew that they could make his life a living hell if they wanted to.

Before Jared could think about it anymore, he saw Mike throw what looked like a punch to Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen didn’t hesitate before launching at Mike and throwing his own punches. Jared stood frozen with wide eyes as Jensen fought both Mike and Tom. Fists were flying, sometimes connecting with an opponent and other times just hitting air. 

The encounter didn’t last long, maybe a minute or two tops. A teacher, Mr. Wood, ran out into the hallway to try and break up the fight. He was quickly joined by another teacher and all three boys were pulled apart. Jared didn’t stick around, instead hurrying toward the cafeteria. 

It was strange. Everyone had been so obsessed with Jensen two weeks ago, as if they were just waiting for him to do something wrong. Now Jensen had done something. Although, from Jared’s point of view it looked like Jensen had been provoked, but no one would ever believe that. However, Jensen, Mike, Tom, and Jared were the only students that about it and Jared was going to do his best to keep it that way. At least for now. He didn’t know Mike and Tom that well, but he was sure that the story of what happened would eventually make its way through the entire student body. It always did.

Jared sat down at his normal table. Genevieve, Misha, and Chad were already in deep discussion, but Jared couldn’t bring himself to care enough to find out what they were talking about. All he could think about was what he just witnessed. 

“Yo, Jared, you ok?” Chad asked. Jared had been at the table for a few minutes, but Chad must have first noticed that Jared hadn’t contributed anything to the conversation since sitting down. “You kinda look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“Not a ghost,” Jared responded shortly. He had no desire to talk about what he had just witnessed, but knowing Chad, that wouldn’t be possible. 

“So what was it?” Chad asked.

“It was nothing,” Jared said, hoping he sounded at least somewhat convincing.

“That’s crap,” Misha stated. 

Jared sighed. He knew that if he told Chad, everyone in the school would know what had happened before the next class started. That was the last thing Jared wanted. He wished that he could just forget the whole thing and move on, but his brain wouldn’t stop dwelling on it. “Yeah, well, maybe it is, but look,” Jared explained. “I just don’t want to talk about it. So just go back to whatever you were talking about before. Which was what exactly?” Maybe he would be able to steer the conversation elsewhere for the rest of lunch.

“About how Chad is going to try and ask out Sophia again,” Genevieve huffed.

“Again?” Jared asked. Chad had been trying to ask Sophia out for several months now. Each time, she turned him down and in response, Chad got more and more desperate. Jared knew it was pathetic and that there was no way that Sophia would ever want to go on a date with Chad, but right now, Jared was just happy that they could talk about something else. “Isn’t this what? Attempt number five or something?”

“That’s not the point,” Chad said. 

“You should just leave the poor girl alone,” Genevieve insisted. 

“I agree,” Jared said. “After four times, you should be able to take the hint.”

Chad rolled his eyes. “Fine, if you aren’t going to help me…” Chad trailed off.

“What?” Jared laughed. “You’re going to just go and find new friends?”

Chad mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, while Jared let his thoughts drift back to the scene earlier in the hallway. He wondered what had happened to cause the fight, and more importantly, what was going to happen to the three people involved. Jared knew that it was going to end well for Jensen, but he had a feeling Mike and Tom would be fine. All he could do was wait and hope that it never got around that he was there and witnessed everything.

By the time the bell rang at the end of the lunch period, Chad had already decided, when, where, and how he was going to ask Sophia out on a date. Again. Meanwhile, Jared’s mind was still filled with thoughts of Jensen, Mike, and Tom. He was no closer to understanding what he had witnessed than when he first sat down toward the beginning of lunch.

As he walked through the door to his next class, he realized that this was the one class that he shared with Jensen. Jared took his seat and watched the door as student after student filed in the room and took their normal seats. The bell rang and Jensen was nowhere to be seen. Jared shouldn’t have been all that surprised. Jensen had just been in a fight, not even an hour ago and there was no way that their principal, Mr. Chambers, would let Jensen go that easily.

Without any kind of fanfare, Mr. Trudeau started class. He didn’t seem to notice that he was missing a student. Then again, it looked like most, if not all, of the students hadn’t noticed that Jensen was missing. Ever since those first days of initial shock of having a criminal in class had worn off, Jensen seemed to fly under the radar. It was like everyone had forgotten him. Even Jared had forgotten about him until he saw him in the hallway earlier. 

Nearly an hour and a half later, Chad came running up to his locker, much like he had done the day that he had told Jared about Jensen. “Where’s the fire?” Jared asked.

“No fire, but did you hear what happened?”

Jared sighed before turing back to his locker and digging out his books for his next class. “How many times do we have to go over this? I don’t generally pay attention to the gossip around here, unlike some people.”

“Ok, fine, whatever,” Chad said. “But just so you know, I was right.”

That was a new one. Jared turned to look at Chad, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Right about what?”

“That Jensen kid. You know, the one who was in juvie? Well, apparently, he got suspended.”

Jared tried his best to feign surprise. “What are you talking about?”

Chad took a deep breath. “Look, I just heard it in my last class and the only reason I know it is because I have both Mike and Tom in my history class.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jared asked, trying to keep up the facade that he had no idea what was going on. Chad must have bought it, or at least he wasn’t paying too much attention as he delivered the latest piece of gossip.

“Apparently Jensen started a fight with Mike and Tom,” Chad explained. “Tried to beat them up or something and then they came into class late and told us everything.”

Jared felt the blood boil under his skin. Of course Mike and Tom would tell everyone everything. That hadn’t surprised him, just like it didn’t surprise him that they twisted the story to make Jensen look bad. But Jared had seen everything. He had seen Mike throw the first punch, the one that had caused Jensen to retaliate, so even though Jensen may have fought back, he definitely didn’t throw the first punch. “So what happened?”

“I guess they suspended Jensen,” Chad said. “Should’ve expelled him if you ask me.”

“But Mike and Tom got off?” Jared asked. Part of him already knew the answer, but he just had to be sure. 

“Yeah?” Chad said slowly. “Why are you being so weird about this?”

“Nevermind. Look, I’ll talk to you later,” Jared said, slamming his locker shut. “The bell’s going to ring any second and we both have to get to class and I’m pretty sure that standing here gossiping about another student is not a valid excuse for being tardy.”

Without listening to Chad’s response, Jared took off down the hall toward his Spanish class, his mind once again spinning with thoughts of Jensen, Mike, and Tom.

Jared was one of the last people to arrive, but he took his seat right as the bell rang. Jared looked around the room, and sure enough, there was Tom, sitting a couple of rows to the left. He wasn’t surprised that Mike and Tom got off without any type of punishment. Everyone, including the school administrators, knew about Jensen’s previous history and wouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Then there was the fact that Mike and Tom were the two best players on the school’s basketball team and with playoffs coming up, the school couldn’t afford to have its top players ineligible to play. The whole thing was just wrong and left a bitter taste in Jared’s mouth.

Just then, an idea popped into Jared’s head. He had seen what happened. He had seen Mike throw the first punch. He may not have known what they were talking about before the physical fight broke out, but Jared had a pretty good idea that Mike and Tom were just there to give Jensen a hard time. He could go to Mr. Chambers and tell them exactly what happened. Then, even though he probably wouldn’t be able to clear Jensen’s name completely, he could at least make it so that everyone got the same, fair treatment. After all, shouldn’t Mike and Tom be held accountable for their actions, just as much as Jensen was?

As Jared thought about it more and more, he started to second guess himself. There were the obvious benefits, but then there was still one big, glaring issue. If he told, it would somehow get around to the entire student body. He didn’t know how, but he had absolutely no doubt in his mind that it would somehow get around to everyone. It always did. 

Then there was also the issue of why he should do it. Yes, it was the right thing to do, but at the same time, he didn’t owe anyone, especially Jensen, anything. Not to mention, if Mike and Tom found out that Jared told, Jared knew that his life would become a living hell, just because of the sheer amount of influence that Mike and Tom had over the student body. 

Maybe it would just be better if Jared kept his mouth shut. Everyone knew what happened to snitches and Jared definitely didn’t want to be included in that statistic or stereotype. He could just keep his mouth firmly shut and everything would be fine.

***

The next two weeks crept by. People still avoided him and there was still an occasional whisper that followed him, but overall people seemed to start ignoring him. Apparently, some new rumor hit the school—one that Jensen didn’t hear because he didn’t have any friends to receive gossip, or pass it on—and everyone seemed to be wrapped up in that.

He couldn’t complain though. He was out of juvie, and even though people continued to avoid him, it was better than the alternative. The school work provided somewhat more of a challenge than the school work he had done in juvie, but it was still nowhere near the intensity or rigor of work he had been used to at St. Joseph’s. It meant that his evenings were a lot more free and not bombarded with homework. 

That would have been great, but there was nothing for Jensen to really do at night. He helped his mom make dinner, sometimes taking over completely if she was really busy. Whenever his sister had questions with her homework, he was always there to answer them, but he still had a lot of free time. Reading books only got him so far, especially since he had already managed to make his way through every book in the house. Maybe he could stop by the school library at some point at check out a few books. Maybe then he would have a little something more to do.

He cursed the ankle monitor that wouldn’t allow him to go anywhere besides school and home (and he made a mental note to ask his probation officer if that would change for the summer, because there was no way that he was going to survive three months trapped inside this house). He cursed his dad for leaving and not being there when he needed him the most. Most of all, he cursed his past self for getting in this mess. He hated everything that had become of his past choices, but he knew that he had no one to blame but himself for getting in this mess in the first place. 

After the bell rang signaling the start of the lunch period, Jensen stopped by his locker to throw his things from his previous chemistry class inside. Most of the students had already made their way to the cafeteria and the hallways were a lot emptier than they usually were. Jensen looked down at his watch. It was the same time as every other day, but everyone else was gone. He tried not to pay too much attention to it as he walked his usual path to the back door by the cafeteria. 

Jensen chose to spend all of his lunch time out there, away from the rest of the students. It was easier and allowed him to have a little bit of time for himself that he desperately needed. Whoever said high school was hard had to have been someone like him: a gay teen that transferred to a new school because his previous school had kicked him out. Anyone else didn’t have a clue how hard high school really was. Jensen would gladly trade places with someone who only had to worry about classes, homework, and the occasional hot piece of gossip. The problem was that Jensen was pretty sure that no one would want to trade with him, not that he could blame them. He wouldn’t want to trade places with someone like him either.

Jensen turned right to walk down another hallway with lockers lining the walls on either side. Like the previous hallway, this one was virtually empty as well. Except there were two tall boys walking in the opposite direction as Jensen. As they got closer, Jensen immediately recognized them. He may not have friends who can explain who ever person is, but he definitely knew these boys. Mike and Tom, the stars of the school’s basketball team. He didn’t know which was which, but that didn’t matter right now. Jensen kept his head down as he tried to walk passed them.

It didn’t work out quite as he had planned.

“Hey, juvie!” one of them called.

Just keep moving, he told himself. Just keep moving and stay out of their way. Don’t let them get to you. 

“Juvie, I was talking to you.” A hand reached out and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stop moving. He was spun around so he was facing both Mike and Tom. 

Jensen still tried to ignore them and just pushed his way passed them, but they stood their ground and made it impossible for him to leave. He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach and didn’t think that this would end well. “Just leave me alone,” he told them. “You stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of your way.”

“Is that a threat?” Tom asked. “Are you threatening us?”

Jensen sighed. So it was going to be like that. These two were just going to go out of his way to make his life miserable. He took a deep breath. “I’m not threatening, but just leave me the hell alone.”

“And if we don’t?” Mike taunted. “What’re you gonna do?”

“Just let me go,” Jensen said.

“Or what? You want to go and cry to the principal or to one of the teachers?” Tom taunted. “None of them give a damn about you. You’re just some fucked up criminal. Do you really think they’re going to help you?”

“Because let me tell you,” Mike said, taking over for Tom. “If it comes down to your word or our word, I can guarantee you that they are going to believe us over you.”

Jensen knew that that was true. He held virtually no power in this situation and had to get out of here before it escalated. He couldn’t afford for this situation to get out of hand. “Just leave me alone.”

“You keep saying that, but you see, we don’t want to,” Tom said.

“Besides, you never answered our question before. Who’s going to help you?” Mike asked. “Going to go running to mommy?”

Jensen’s head snapped up, his full attention focused on Mike. He wasn’t going to let anyone talk about his mom, one of the only people who had stood by his side throughout everything. “Shut up,” Jensen growled.

“Oh,” Mike laughed. “We finally found the soft spot.”

“You a momma’s boy, juvie?” Tom asked. 

“I think he is,” Mike said. “But why would his mom would actually want to keep a fuck up like him for a son?”

“Probably because the rest of his family is too fucked up. Is your family fucked up, juvie?”

“Have we hit a nerve yet, juvie?”

“Your family actually still wants you around?”

“They aren’t embarrassed of you yet?”

The words circled and swam in Jensen’s head and he knew he couldn’t take much more of it. He could feel his whole body shaking. He closed his eyes and tried to count to ten, like his counselor in juvie had told him. 

“Oh, come on, juvie,” Mike said, slugging Jensen in the shoulder.

Jensen didn’t even think. He lunged at Mike with his fists flying. Mike must have been taken by surprise because he stumbled backward a few steps. Mike brought his fists up to try and block himself and to try and retaliate against Jensen. Tom was there too, trying to help Mike, but not doing much good. Jensen dodged sloppily thrown punches, firing back with some well placed jabs of his own.

Before things could get too far, two teachers came running into the hall yelling at the boys to break it up. Jensen didn’t stop, he kept trying to get to Mike and Tom until the two teachers forcefully pulled the boys apart. One teacher held on to Jensen, while the other stepped between Jensen and the other two boys.

It was then that Jensen came back to the present and realized that he was completely and utterly screwed. He took a few deep breaths trying to calm down and trying to force Mike and Tom’s words from his head.

“That’s enough,” one of the teachers said. “All three of you are going to have a chat with Mr. Chambers.”

Jensen, Tom, and Mike were escorted to the conference room by the main office.  They were all instructed to sit on a separate side of the table, making sure there was as much space between them as possible. 

Jensen rested his elbows on the table and held his face in his hands. This was it. He was going back to juvie because he had managed to screw up yet again.  One teacher, who Jensen didn't know the name of, left the room, presumably to get the principal while the other stayed and supervised. 

All Jensen could think about was what his mother was going to say. He didn't know if he would be able to look at her again.  She was going to be so disappointed in him and he didn't know if he was going to be able to handle it. Going to juvie was one thing, but Jensen had been trying so hard to work hard and stay out of trouble to prove to his mother that he was a good kid so he could earn back some of the trust he once had. 

Jensen started to prepare his defense, but quickly realized that it would be pointless. It was going to be his word against two stars of the basketball team.  He didn't have to be a genius to realize that the principal wouldn't believe him, regardless of what he said. 

The door to the room opened a moment later and the principal, Mr. Chambers, walked in.  Jensen removed his hands from his face to look at the principal. 

"I want to speak with each of you individually," he said, his voice stern and leaving no room for question. "Mike, we'll start with you.  Follow me."

Jensen tried to think of what he could even say to Mr. Chambers. He could just beg for mercy, because that might be the only thing that might work.  He could try to tell the truth, but he had a funny feeling that the principal would just assume he was lying.  If only there was a way to know what Tom and Mike were going to say. At least then they would have matching stories.

Mike had barely been gone for three minutes before the principal came back in and asked for Tom.  That left Jensen to sit in the room by himself, with the exception of the teacher who was still there to supervise. Although Jensen had no idea what he was supposed to be supervising.  It wasn't as if he was going to go anywhere.  He wasn’t that stupid.

Tom was gone for an even shorter time than Mike when the principal came down and escorted Jensen back to his office. The principal pushed open the door and instructed Jensen to take a seat in one of two empty chairs.  Mike and Tom were noticeably absent. Jensen figured that they were already let go and were told to return to class.

"Mr. Ackles," the principal began.  "I thought we had made our standards clear when we first met with you."  That was true. The principal, although reluctant to let Jensen into the school, had agreed on the condition that Jensen would behave and not cause problems. 

"Yes, sir," Jensen said.

"So would you mind informing me what happened just now?"

Jensen took a deep breath. "I made a mistake." That much was true. He should have never let Mike and Tom get to him like they did. 

"I expect a little more explanation. Mike and Tom both informed me that you were deliberately trying to cause problems. That you were taunting and verbally abusing them before you attacked them."

So that's what they told him. It was the moment of truth. He could tell the principal what actually happened or he could go along with their lie.  "We..." Jensen started. "We were talking and I guess we didn't all understand each other or agree with each other."

"So naturally the best course of action was to attack them,” Mr. Chambers prompted.

Only after they attacked me, Jensen wanted to say, but he knew Mr. Chambers wouldn’t believe him. Mr. Chambers had already made up his mind and determined that Jensen was guilty and there was nothing Jensen could do to change that. He instead pursed his lips and gave a slight nod. He hated having to lie like this and admit to something he didn’t do, but it was either this or trying to win a losing battle. Either way, Jensen knew he was screwed and he had no idea how he was going to get out of this one.

"I see," Mr. Chambers said. "We're going to call your parents and we'll have a nice chat about what we should do.  You can wait here."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter got a little bit out of control so I'm breaking it up into two chapters. Here's the first part and I should have the next part posted tomorrow. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos and comments!

Jensen felt his heart sink as he watched Mr. Chambers leave the room. He knew that any trust that he may have built up since returning from juvie would be gone as soon as Mr. Chambers made his call.

Jensen held his head in his hands, trying to take some deep breaths to calm himself, but it wasn’t easy. He was absolutely terrified. He was scared of what his mom would say, scared of what his brother would say, and terrified of what his probation officer was going to say. This could be it. Just two weeks of freedom and he had managed to screw up again. There was no doubt in his mind that he wold be going back. His probation officer made it perfectly clear that if he messed up, he would be going back unit his eighteenth birthday, which was almost an entire year away. There was no way that he was going to make it in juvie for that long. Four months had been long enough.

Jensen looked up at the clock on the wall.  If he was right, his mom should have been taking her lunch break right about now.  The good news meant that they could get this settled soon, but that also meant Jensen had to pull her away from work.  Again. He knew that she got frustrated when she had to leave because of something Jensen did.  

He knew that it was bad, but he never knew how much it affected her until he overheard his mom and older brother talking one night. Apparently she had been getting a lot of heat from work because of the time she took off for Jensen's hearings and other meetings with school officials.

Then there was still the matter of his brother. Josh was going to be pissed when he found out. He could already picture how the conversation is going to go with his brother. Josh would get mad and tell him that he can't keep doing this stuff.  It was the exact same conversation they had countless times already.  Jensen knew that his brother still loves him and cares about him, but he gets that it's sometimes hard, especially since Josh had to step up when their dad left a couple years ago.

Mr. Chambers came back into the room and sat down behind his desk.  "I've just spoken with your mother and she’ll be here soon. Until then, you can wait in the main office."

Jensen didn’t know if he was supposed to feel relieved or terrified that his mother was coming. She wasn’t going to just leave him here, but he knew that he would still have to face her inevitable disappointment. "Can I ask a question?" Jensen asked quietly.

The principal seemed surprised to hear Jensen speak.  "Ok."

"As far as, uh…as far as punishment goes," Jensen said hesitantly. "What exactly are you thinking?" He just had to know.

"We’ll discuss it when your mother gets here."

"You can't give me any—“

Mr. Chambers glared at him and Jensen immediately stopped talking. “I said we’ll discuss it when your mother arrives,” Mr. Chambers snapped. “Until then you can wait in the main office.”

Jensen nodded and remained silent as he left the room, not wanting to anger Mr. Chambers anymore. The secretary, Mrs. Marsh, didn't even look up. "There's a seat right there." Jensen sank into the chair and held his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. No matter what happened, it wasn't going to end well.

Jensen didn't know how long he sat there, but eventually the door to the main office opened and he heard someone walk in. “Jensen?” a soft, female voice asked.

Jensen looked up to find his mom standing in front of him, disappointment written all over her face. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was unable to form the words. He wasn’t even sure if there were any words.

"Are you Jensen's mother?" Mrs. Marsh asked.

"Yes,” his mom said, turning to face the secretary. 

"You can just have a seat by your son. I'll let Mr. Chambers know you're here."

Jensen's mom took a seat right next to him. "What happened?" she asked, getting right to the point.

"I got in a fight," Jensen mumbled, unable to look his mom in the eye. Out of all the things that could have happened, it was definitely the worst possible option. It was everything that she had warned him about. Ever since he was released from juvie, she had constantly reminded him to keep his head down and stay out of trouble. Yet, here they were, sitting in the high school office again because Jensen got in a fight because he couldn’t control his temper again.

"Jensen," she warned.

"I know, I know,” Jensen said. “I shouldn't have let them get to me.” He chanced a glance over at his mom. Her lips were pursed tight and her eyes were narrowed. 

"Has your principal said anything?" she asked after a moment.

Jensen sighed.  "Not yet. He's basically decided that I'm guilty, but he hasn't said anything about a punishment or anything. I tried asking him, but he wouldn’t say anything til you got here.”

Jensen watched as his mom's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Has he talked to the other boys?"

“Yeah. I guess he talked to them and let it go,” Jensen said, shrugging his shoulders. Jensen couldn’t really blame Mr. Chambers for assuming that he was guilty. Based on Mike and Tom’s stories of events, it was pretty obvious that Jensen was the guilty party. 

Mr. Chambers walked through the door before she could respond. "Mrs. Ackles," he said, extending a hand. "Please come in and we'll discuss this.”

Mr. Chambers led the way back into his office with Jensen and his mom following close behind.  Jensen look a seat in the same chair he was in before and his mother sat down next to him. 

"Has Jensen told you what happened?" Mr. Chambers asked.  

"Yes," she said, "but what I don't understand is why Jensen is the only one here." Jensen sat up a little straighter at this and turned his head to look at his mom, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. Was his mom actually going to bat for him? He tried not to get his hopes up too high.

Mr. Chambers’s eyes narrowed. "We are here to discuss Jensen's actions, not those of other students. Your son was involved in a very serious altercation.  We do not condone or accept violence of any kind," Mr. Chambers explained.  "Now, I've already spoken to the other students involved in the altercation.  It was made quite clear that Jensen was the instigator."

Jensen's mom turned to stare at him, while Jensen averted his eyes to the floor.  Maybe she was trying to read him and determine whether the principal was telling the truth or not. 

"Now, we need to discuss Jensen's punishment," Mr. Chambers continued.  

Jensen's mom just nodded.  Apparently that was the end of his mom sticking up for him.  Part of Jensen couldn't believe that she just let Mr. Chambers continue without pressing for more information, but the other part of him understood completely. They had been through this before so why should now be any different?

"I'm sure that you will agree that Jensen's situation is different than most," Mr. Chambers continued.  "As I understand it, Jensen was released on probation, so any punishment we decide will be contingent on what his probation officer decides."

Even Mr. Chambers knew that Jensen had a very likely shot of ending back up in juvie, but Jensen tried not to think about it and instead focus solely on what the principal was saying.  All he could hope for was that he wouldn't be expelled. That would pretty much guarantee him a spot back in juvie.

"So what are we looking at?" Jensen's mom asked. 

"Jensen's looking at suspension for the rest of the week."

Jensen didn't know whether to feel relieved or saddened by that. He wasn’t expelled, but he knew that suspension was not going to be pleasant either, especially since today was Tuesday. That meant he still had three full days of suspension, if he wasn't arrested and brought back to juvie. 

"Will he be at home or in school?"

"In school," Mr. Chambers said. Jensen had a feeling that that had something to do with his probation condition of remaining in school, something the administration at this school knew about. "However, for today, we are going to send him home.  He should be back here tomorrow at 8:00 am, sharp. Our ISS supervisor will meet him in the office and take it from there."

Jensen and his mom both nodded in understanding. Jensen couldn't help but wonder what his mom was thinking.

"I should mention, Jensen," Mr. Chambers said. "This is your only warning. One more outburst and expulsion will not only be an option, but will be the result. We don't tolerate violence."

"Yes, sir." He knew better than to screw up twice. Today was a mistake and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that it never happened again. 

"Someone will stop by in a few minutes and will escort Jensen to his locker so he can pick up his things, but after that, I expect his off this property. Now, do either of you have any questions?" 

Jensen shook his head, but his mom asked, "May I have a word with you privately?"

Jensen looked at his mom quizzically. What did she have to discuss with his principal?

"Of course. Jensen, you can go wait out by Mrs. Marsh."

Jensen did as he was told, not wanting to get in anymore trouble. He flopped down into the same seat he was in before. 

Suspended. He was suspended. Sure, he had been expelled from his previous school and spent some time in juvie, but he had never been suspended. He was supposed to be a good kid, one who never got into trouble, yet here he was with quite an extensive record to contradict that thought.

He stared at the door leading to Mr. Chambers office and wondered what his mom and Mr. Chambers were talking about. He doubted that he would ever find out because she would claim that that was between Mr. Chambers and her if he asked..

“Jensen?” a voice asked and Jensen looked up. A man, who Jensen assumed was a teacher, but had never seen before stood in the doorway. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m here to escort you to your locker.”

Oh, Jensen thought. It’s just like when he was in juvie, where he had to be escorted everywhere, not trusted enough to go places in his own.

Jensen followed the teacher through the hallway. By now, everyone else was in their first afternoon class and the hallways were empty. The teacher stood silently while Jensen packed his backpack with some of his textbooks. He was escorted back to the main office where his mom was waiting for him. 

“Ready?” she asked. Jensen just nodded and followed her out of the school and out to her car. There was a tense silence between them, as neither knew quite what to say to the other.

“Mom, I’m sorry,” Jensen said once they were both in the car. That was about all he could say and he knew that it wasn’t enough. There was nothing that he could say to his mom that would ever make this right. He wasn’t even sure if there was anything he could do to make this right and that was the most frustrating thing.

His mom took a deep breath before turning to look at him. “I don’t know what to say, Jensen,” she admitted. “We can’t just ignore this.”

“I know, mom, but you have to know that I’m sorry. I know that I shouldn’t have done it,” Jensen explained. “I know that, but you have to believe that I am sorry.”

“I want to believe you,” she said and Jensen’s heart sank. He knew instantly that any trust he had built up over the last two weeks had been lost because of this stupid fight. Now, there would be no way of getting it back. “We’ll talk about it more later. I’ll drop you off at home, but I have to get back to work.” 

“Ok,” he said. 

“And I don’t want you just sitting there and watching TV,” she added.

“I won’t.” His mom wouldn’t have even had to say it. Jensen had assumed that with suspension comes automatic grounding, even if it being grounded wasn’t much different that how he normally spent his days. He couldn’t leave the house because of his ankle monitor and TV just didn’t have the same appeal as it used to. 

The drive home was short, much to short for Jensen’s liking. He got out of the car, grabbing his backpack as he went. “John will probably call some time this afternoon,” his mom reminded him. “Make sure you’re home to answer it.”

“I will,” Jensen said. He wasn’t planning to leave. He couldn’t go anywhere unless he wanted to cement his return to juvie.

Jensen walked into the house, shutting the door behind him and heard his mom’s car pull out of the driveway and head down the street. She was gone and Jensen didn’t know if he should feel relieved, lonely, or frustrated. Instead of dwelling on it, he carried his backpack up to his room and flopped on the bed.

Instead of staring at the ceiling, Jensen took the time to actually look around his room. Before juvie, it had been filled with books and games, with clothes littering the floor. Now, it sat significantly emptier. When his mom told him that they were moving, he told her to get rid of most of his things. It would be less to move and they could maybe make some money by selling it. Jensen told his mom to use that money to pay court fees and hospital bills.

His mom, predictably, didn’t listen. When he came home from juvie, he found that almost everything was still there. It was almost overwhelming to see all of the things that he used to value. Four months in juvie put a lot into perspective, so Jensen spent three days going through all of his belongings and getting rid of most of them, leaving only a few battered books, some clothes, and the furniture behind. His mom had put of a fight, arguing that he didn’t have to get rid of all of his things as punishment, but it didn’t matter. Jensen may not have sold it for profit, but he was at least able to convince her to donate it. 

While still laying on his bed, Jensen started to mentally prepare why he was going to say to his probation officer. At this point, he was willing to say just about anything that would allow him to stay out of juvie. After all, this was his first offense and he had to deserve a second chance. Sure, it was a pretty major offense and he was suspended for three and a half days, but they still had to give him one more chance, didn’t they? Wouldn’t all of the good behavior in juvie count for something? Couldn’t he somehow show them that he was a good kid who just got put in really unfortunate circumstances?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the rest of the previous chapter. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

The phone downstairs rang, startling Jensen. He shot up off his bed and ran downstairs, knowing who was going to be on the other end of the line when he answered. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is John McMann, I’m looking for Jensen Ackles.”

Jensen knew that this was coming, but he still didn’t feel any more prepared than before. “This is Jensen.”

“Jensen, I’ve received a report from your school that you were suspended.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Jensen responded. He figured that the best course of action would be to just let John do all of the talking and only respond when necessary.

“I know that our next meeting isn’t supposed to be for another week, but I’m going to have to schedule a meeting for sooner than that. We’re going to have to discuss this. Today or tomorrow, if possible.”

Jensen couldn’t get over to his probation officer’s office without his mom’s car, and without his mom. There was no way that she was going to be able to get out of work early today to take him. In the absolute worst case, he would call his brother and see if he could come home tomorrow to help him. Josh wouldn’t be happy, but if he could, he would still come and help his little brother. “I don’t think I can get a ride today,” Jensen said and hoped that putting off the meeting one day wouldn’t hurt his chances of going back. “But I can work something out so I can come tomorrow.”

“Does four o’clock work?”

“Yes.”

“I will see you tomorrow then,” he said shortly.

“Wait!” Jensen said quickly.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask one question?”

“Yes.”

Jensen took a deep breath. “Is it… Am I… Is it possible that I’m going to have to go back?” He just had to know. There was no way he was going to make another twenty-four hours without knowing.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone and Jensen started to panic. “At this point, I would say probably not.” Jensen let out a huge sigh of relief. It wasn’t a definite no, but it was so much better than what he was expecting. “However,” he continued. “We will be discussing the situation more in-depth tomorrow, but at this point, I don’t believe that you will be going back to the detention center.”

“Thank you,” Jensen said. “Thank you so much.” 

“Now, stay out of trouble until then,” he warned. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ok,” Jensen said. “And I will.”

“Goodbye.”

“Bye.” Jensen hung up the phone and let out another huge breath. He felt like he could breathe again, like somehow everything would work itself out. The call had went so much better than he could have ever hoped. He wasn’t going back. Probably. He could stay with his family, and that was good enough for now.

Later that night, when his mom got home from work, with his sister in tow, Jensen walked downstairs to meet his mom in the kitchen.

“Mackenzie, can you go upstairs for awhile? I have to talk to Jensen,” his mom said. As much as he didn’t want to have this conversation, he knew that they had to. 

“But—“ Mackenzie started to protest. Ever since Jensen started getting in trouble, she had been shooed out of the room so their mom could talk to Jensen alone and she hated it. Jensen wasn’t sure why, but she was always annoyed when she was asked to leave.

“No buts,” their mom snapped. “Upstairs. Now.”

Mackenzie huffed, but went upstairs anyway. Jensen’s mom watched Mackenzie stomp out of the room and up the stairs before running her hands over her face. She didn’t look happy, not that Jensen could blame her. 

“John called,” Jensen said simply once it became clear that she wasn’t going to say anything.

“What did he have to say?” 

“He wouldn’t really say much of anything, really,” Jensen said. “I have to go in at 4:00 tomorrow, so I’m guessing that he’s saving everything for then.”

“At 4:00?” she asked.

“Does that not work? I can call Josh, or figure something out,” Jensen said quickly. He hated putting his mom on the spot like this, but he didn’t really have much of a choice. He had to get to that appointment or he was pretty sure that John’s initial assurance that Jensen wasn’t going to have to go back to juvie would be revoked. 

“I’ll figure out something,” she finally said. “I think if I go in early, I can leave a little bit earlier and take you.”

“Thanks,” Jensen said. He got the feeling that she didn’t think that Jensen understood everything she did for him and all of the hoops she jumped through. She was wrong. His mom never ceased to amaze him, constantly coming through for him when he knew that a lot of other parents would have given up on their child a long time ago. Even his dad gave up on him and wanted nothing to do with his middle child anymore, but through everything, his mom was always there to help him.

“Did John say anything else about…” she drifted off, unable to finish her sentence, but Jensen knew exactly what she was trying to ask.

“He said that I probably won’t be going back, but that we have to talk about it more tomorrow,” Jensen said.

His mom let out a huge sigh of relief. “That’s good. That’s really good, but Jensen—“

“I know,” Jensen said. “I have to watch it.”

“Don’t,” she warned. “You keep saying that. You said that when you were released and were starting school again and look where we are now.” She was so frustrated and he couldn’t blame her. He knew that it must sound like empty promises. He was trying, but it just wasn’t good enough. 

“I know, mom,” Jensen said softly. “We’ll just…I guess we’ll just wait and see what he says tomorrow. That’s all I can do, but you have to know that I’m sorry and I was trying. I didn’t go and get into a fight just because I felt like it. I was trying so hard to watch and I don’t know… I just lost it.”

His mom didn’t respond. She kept staring at him with that same look of sadness and disappointment that had been there since he was released. In fact, Jensen was pretty sure that was the same look she had every time she had come to visit him in juvie.

“Does Josh know?” Jensen asked. While his mom had been rather calm, all things considered, about the situation, Jensen knew there was no way that his brother was going to take the news well.

“I haven’t talked to him today. He usually calls on Tuesday nights.”

So Jensen only had a few more hours before he got another lecture from his brother. “I’m assuming that you’re going to tell him.”

“No I’m not,” she said and Jensen stared at her as if she had grown a second head. “You’re going to tell him.”

“Me?” Jensen asked. 

“Yes,” she snapped. “You. You got into this mess, the least you can do is tell your brother about everything.” Jensen understood exactly what she was trying to say: she was tired of being the messenger and always having to tell Josh the bad news. However, he had hoped that his mom would call and talk to Josh first and would maybe be able to calm Josh down, at least a little bit, before Jensen talked to him. It looked like that wasn’t going to happen. 

“Ok,” Jensen said. Maybe he would just call Josh first and get it over with. It was going to happen eventually, so the sooner he did it, the better. “Do you want any help making dinner?”

She shook her head. “No, you can go to your room,” she said. “I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

Jensen sighed. It was hard knowing that his mom didn’t want to be around him anymore, so he trudged to upstairs.

“Can you tell your sister that she can come down if she wants?” she called.

“Yeah.” Of course, Mack could have her freedom. She didn’t screw up as bad as Jensen and hopefully never would. Hopefully, he could be an example of why she should stay out of trouble.

“Mack,” Jensen said, peering in the doorway to her room. “Mom said you could go downstairs if you want.”

She looked up from the magazine she was reading on her bed. “What happened?” she asked. 

“What makes you think something happened?” Jensen asked. His little sister had always been too smart for her own good.

“Mom’s usually not this mad, but she wouldn’t tell me anything.” Jensen understood immediately. Their mom had done her best to keep Mackenzie completely out of the loop, especially in the past. She knew some things, but she didn’t know a lot of details. All she knew was that her brother got in trouble and was going to live somewhere else for a while. Jensen didn’t even know if she was told that it was juvie.

“I got in trouble at school today,” Jensen admitted. She didn’t need to know any details about it. Hell, she probably didn’t need to know at all, but she deserved to know why mom was as angry as she was tonight.

“Are you going to have to go away again?” she asked.

Jensen breath hitched in his throat. He looked at his baby sister, a mix of sadness, worry, and confusion written all over her face. He took a few steps into her room and sat down on her bed next to her. He pulled her into a big hug and said, “No. I’m not going back. I’m going to stay right here with you and mom.”

“I don’t want you to go back. I missed you too much.”

“I missed you, too,” Jensen said, pulling back slightly to look her in the eyes. “And I promise that I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that I don’t go back.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Mackenzie seemed satisfied with his answer and said, “Good.”

“Go downstairs,” he said. “Keep mom company.”

Dinner was quiet and awkward since no one really knew what to say and it wasn’t as if Jensen or his mom could just look passed what happened that day. Jensen couldn’t help but feel bad for Mackenzie who was just caught in the middle. She shouldn’t have to suffer because of him.

After dinner was over and the dining room and kitchen were cleaned up, Jensen stood with the phone in his hands, dreading making the upcoming phone call.  It wasn't going to be pretty.  That much he knew. All he could do was hope that his brother would be able to controls is temper. He could just wait for Josh to call, but he felt like that was a coward’s way out. Maybe if he was just upfront about it, Josh would take it better.

"Suck it up, Jensen," he told himself. It was just one phone call. It shouldn't be this terrifying. It wasn't as if he was being asked to call his dad, which would be infinitely many times worse than this.

He sucked in a deep breath and dialed the number for his brother's cell phone. He held the phone up to his ear and listened as it rang. Maybe his brother wouldn't answer and he could just leave a message. That was the coward's way out, but he wasn't going to pass up the chance if he got it.

"Hello?" A tried voice asked. 

"Hey, Josh."

"Jensen?"

"Yeah," Jensen said, trying to keep his voice even. It was probably better to not let on that something was wrong. "Did I wake you up?"

"I just laid down for a nap."

Jensen glance at the alarm clock on his night stand. "It's 6:30 at night.  I don't think that qualifies a nap anymore."

"It's called college," Josh explained. "You learn to sleep whenever you get a chance."

College. That was just one more thing that Jensen didn't want to think about right now. Maybe not ever. "I'll keep that in mind," Jensen said simply.

"Is there a reason you called, Jensen?" He asked.  "Not that I don't appreciate talking to you, it's just that I wasn't really expecting it."

"Uh yeah," Jensen mumbled. This was turning out to be much more of a challenge than he thought it was going to be. 

"Ok, so what's up?"

"I, uh," Jensen stuttered as he tried to find the right words to say. Everything that he had mentally prepared had magically decided to leave him. “I, uh, I got suspended."

"Jesus Christ, Jensen!" There was a lot of rustling on the other end.  Jensen figured that his brother was trying to work his way into a sitting position since there was no way you could yell at your brother for his stupid decisions while lying down in bed. "Like seriously, what the fuck?!”

"I know—“

"I don't think you do," Josh started. Jensen could almost hear him wind up for the lecture he was about to give.  "This shit has got to stop."

"I know—“

"No, you're going to stop talking and you're going to listen," Josh snapped.  "This acting out, this fighting, this whatever the fuck you want to call it has got to stop. Ok? We already went through it once, and that was more than enough.  Do you even think when you do this stuff? Do you think about mom and all of the crap you have put her through?”

Yes, Jensen thought. He did think about everything he put his mom through and he felt terrible about it, but he doubted that Josh would every accept that explanation.

“No, you don’t” Josh continued, “because you were sitting in juvie while I had to take care of her. I've never seen mom that upset before, not even when dad left and now you go and do this same shit again. You've been at this school for what? Two weeks?”

“Yeah,” Jensen supplied weakly.

“Two weeks and you've already managed to get yourself suspended. What was it this time?"

"I was cornered by these two guys. They were giving me a rough time and the next thing I knew we were being pulled apart," Jensen explained. “I didn’t want to but—“

"So another fight is what you're telling me?"

Jensen took a breath and was about to correct Josh and say that it was just something that got way out of hand, but then thought better of it. Josh wouldn’t believe any explanation Jensen gave, so why bother even trying. It was like his conversation with Mr. Chambers all over again. “Yeah," Jensen said.  "Another fight and look. I know I shouldn't have gotten involved. I should have just walked away, but you have to believe me that I tried."

"Well then you have to try harder."

"I am trying," Jensen mumbled. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth."

"You're right," Josh informed him.  "That's not what I want to hear. I don't want to keep getting calls from you and from mom about how you are getting in fights and getting in trouble because the calls always escalate. I already got one call saying that my little brother was arrested. I really don't want to get another one."

"I'm not going back," Jensen said quickly. "I already talked to my probation officer and he said that it's very unlikely that I'll go back because of this."

"Sure, you won't go back this time, but what about the next time something happens? What about the next time someone gets in your face and you can't just leave? They aren't going to let you keep getting away with this shit, Jensen."

"I know," Jensen said. "You have to believe me when I say that I really don't want to go back there and I'm trying my hardest to make things right. Today was just a mistake."

"But you can't afford to keep making these mistakes because if you keep this up, sooner or later you're going to end up back there," Josh said.  "Besides, what's going to happen next year, when you turn eighteen? Because then they definitely won't let you off and it won't just be juvie."

“You think I don’t know that?” Jensen asked.

“I don’t think you think at all,” Josh said.

Jensen froze. He had been prepared to argue with Josh, but at Josh’s words, everything just left his mind. Those words stung. It stung almost as much as his mom admitting that she can’t trust him anymore. 

“Jensen,” Josh said after a long, silent moment. “You keep saying that you’re trying, but none of us seen it. You just have to try harder.”

"Look, Josh. I know," Jensen snapped. “I keep saying that because everything you say is stuff that goes through my head everyday and has been going through my head on an endless loop since this afternoon. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes in the past and I'm trying to move past them and be a better person, but it's hard. Its really freaking hard. You have no idea what I’m going through.”

Jensen took a breath before continuing on. “I know it’s my fault, but you have no idea what it’s like to have been expelled from my old school where I had friends and then just be asked to pick up in the middle of the year at a brand new school where I don’t know anyone. Add to the fact that I was in juvie and have this stupid ankle monitor, which everyone knows about so they avoid me like I have the freakin' plague or something. I know that I have no one to blame but myself for what happened, but I am living with the consequences of those decisions every day.  So you can stop with the lectures of things I already think about all day, every day."

By the time he finished, Jensen was fighting to control his breathing. He hadn't planned on exploding at his brother, but he needed to get it off his chest.  He couldn't burden his mom with that kind of stuff, so his brother was about the only one he could talk to. 

There was silence for a few moments as Jensen waited for his brother to respond. With each passing second, he wished even more that he could take the words back. His brother just wanted what was best for him and Jensen couldn't blame Josh for that.

"Look, Jensen," Josh finally said. "I know it may seem like we're hard on you, but you gotta look at it from our perspective.  Mom doesn't want to have to visit her son in jail again. She didn't even want to do it the first time. I don't want to have to do it either, or explain to Mack where you are. So for now, can we just focus on you staying out of trouble, for all of us?"

"I promise," Jensen said, feeling a sense of relief wash over him at Josh's words. "I don't want to go back."

"I would hope not," Josh said. Jensen couldn't tell if that was Josh's attempt at a joke or not. "Other than the suspension is school going ok?"

"It's as good as it can go," Jensen said.  That much was true. Sure he wished he had some friends and that he didn't have to sit alone all of the time, but it was better than the alternative.  In juvie there were people to talk to, but Jensen didn’t want to associate with those kids. He would much rather be out here without friends than in juvie with friends.

"Hey," Josh said. "What if I can home one of these weekends? We could do something."

“Yeah!” Jensen jumped at the chance to spend some time with his brother.  It meant a new face and someone new to talk to. “As long as you don't mind sitting around the house all day.  It's not like I can leave."

"Well, uh, we could just pop in some movies or something," Josh suggested. Jensen easily recognized Josh's quick attempts to redo any plans he may have been thinking of. It wasn't as if Josh didn't know about Jensen's ankle monitor, but it was more that he just forgot what that all meant. Josh didn’t live with him and didn’t have to see it everyday. Jensen lived with it, which meant that he spent days upon days of just sitting around the house, trying to find new ways to entertain himself.

"That'd be great!" Maybe Josh could even stop by and rent something.

"Ok. I'll let you know when I can swing back down towards you."

"Um, before you go, I’m pretty sure that mom wants to talk to you. She was waiting for you to call.”

“Oh yeah, it’s Tuesday already,” Josh said. 

“Yeah,” Jensen sighed. He still had three more days of suspension and no idea how he was going to keep himself from going crazy.

“So how long are you suspended?” 

“The rest of the week. The principal sent me home today, but I have to go back for in school suspension for the rest of the week,” Jensen explained.

Josh sighed. "I know that you understand, but it's kind of my job to remind you.  Stay out of trouble, ok?"

"I'll try." That was about as honest as he could get.  He had promised that he would stay out of trouble when he got released from juvie and now two weeks later, here they were again.  "Here's mom," he said as he passed the phone over.

"You can go upstairs," his mom told him before returning her attention to the phone. "Josh?"

Jensen started the slow walk back up to his bedroom.  He heard his mom sigh and say "I'm ok." Jensen hated the way that he was making his mom feel.  He felt absolutely terrible about it, but he didn't know what else he could do.  Anytime he made a promise to stay out of trouble, it always seemed like he broke it. It wasn't as if he purposely tried to break the promises, it was just that it always seemed to happen.

He walked into his room and shut the door. He considered starting on the homework he had, but he now had three days to do it. Three days of working independently on work that wasn't even that challenging.  That was going to be the hardest part, trying not to die from boredom. 

Jensen flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He was beginning to get utterly sick of this room. It was still better than juvie, but part of him hated that it felt like he trade one cell for another.  There were only three locations he was permitted to go: his house, school, and to see his probation officer. So while he did technically have more freedom than when he was in juvie, it wasn't much more. He would love to be able to walk to the park or take his sister out for a treat or even just take a walk around the block. Maybe in a year or so when the ankle monitor would finally come off, but that seemed way too far away.

Some time later there was a knock on his bedroom door. "Yeah?" he called.  The door was pushed open as his mother walked into the room. She sat down on his bed and Jensen moved his legs to accommodate her.

"I just got off the phone with your brother," she said. "He was talking about maybe coming home for a weekend soon."

"Yeah that's what he told me," Jensen said.

"I think that would be good.  You two could spend some time together."

"We were talking about just watching some movies and stuff."

"That's good," she said.  Jensen couldn't help but wonder what his mother was thinking.  Surely she had a reason to come in here besides just talking about Josh's potential weekend visit. Maybe, like so many of the conversations Jensen was forced to have, it was easier preparing what you were going to say than actually having it.

"Mom?" Jensen finally asked once it was clear that she wasn't going to say anything. "What's going on?"

She took a deep breath. "I just worry about you. I worry and your brother worries. We both just want you to be ok."

"I want it to be ok too," Jensen said,  "I don't want you to have to worry about me."

"It's just not that easy," she said. "I'll always worry about my kids, you especially. I know it's been hard for you since your father left, but we have to keep moving forward."

"Mom," Jensen said. "Dad left because of me. Of course it was hard."

"He did not leave because of you," she said sternly. She and Josh had been saying the same thing ever since the day he left, but no matter how often they said it, Jensen just couldn't bring himself to believe it. "He left because he wanted to. It had nothing to do with you."

"Dad just decided to leave the day after I came out? I find it hard to believe that there was a coincidence there," Jensen retorted. He knew that he shouldn't snap at his mother.  She always had his best interests at heart, but he just couldn’t believe that his dad leaving wasn’t somehow related to his decision to come out.

"I know that it's hard for you to believe, but that is the truth. Your dad did not leave because of you."

"Ok," Jensen said shaking his head.  Anytime they discussed it, they always ended up at this same point.  They would just have to agree to disagree, although Jensen's mom would never drop it.  Whenever the conversation came up, she would always tell him that it wasn't his fault. She could believe what she wanted to believe, but he was going to believe the truth. 

"I know that you find it hard to understand, and maybe one day you will, but your dad didn't leave because of you," she told him again. "I love you." She leaned forward and pulled him into a tight hug.

They sat like that for awhile, Jensen just soaking in his mother's warmth and love. It felt amazing and Jensen didn’t want it to end.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I say this every time, but thank you, thank you, thank you for reading, commenting and the kudos. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I'm going to apologize in advance for another kind of depressing chapter.

Instead of walking to the boys locker room that joined to Gymnasium A, Jensen instead headed straight into the main office the next morning. 

"You can have a seat right there," Mrs. Marsh said. All of the kindness that she had shown him on his first day of school two and a half weeks ago had vanished completely. 

Jensen sighed but did as he was told, his backpack coming to rest on the floor by his feet. He stared at the clock, waiting for it to be 8:00. Then, the In School Suspension supervisor would come down and escort him to the room.  It was just like juvie all over again.

At 7:59, a short, plump woman with curly brown hair who Jensen had never seen before came into the room.  "Hi, Joan," she said.

"Here's everything you need," Mrs. Marsh responded. "He's right over there."  Jensen realized that they were talking about him and this woman was the person that he was supposed to spend the next couple of days with. 

"Thanks," the woman said.  "Let's see… Jensen?” He nodded. “Come on, we don't have all day."

Jensen stood up and followed her out of the office. It all felt so reminiscent of his time in juvie. Having to be escorted to different places, essentially having no freedom at school for the next several days.  Jensen didn’t say anything, he just followed silently as this teacher led him to the room where he would be spending his next three days.

The room was strikingly bare, at least compared to most of the other classrooms that Jensen had been in.  There was a desk for the teacher in the front of the room and three small tables, all placed as far apart from each other as possible.  

"You can take that desk there," the teacher, who had yet to introduce herself, instructed. There was a stack of books, some papers, and a few pencils laid out on it. Jensen assumed that this was all of the make up work for the days he wouldn’t be in class. “So it looks like you haven't been here before."

"I just transferred," Jensen said, somewhat quietly as he took his seat and set his backpack on the floor next to him.

She stared at him, making Jensen feel incredibly vulnerable, even though she wouldn't be able to learn thing about him just by staring at him.  "I see.  Did you have any trouble at your other school?"

Based on the large stack of paper she was holding, Jensen guessed that she had to have his entire file in there.  Besides, she, probably more than other teachers, had been warned about him.  Was she really going to make him admit to everything?

"Never got suspended," Jensen mumbled. He had spent several afternoons in detention, but he had never been suspended until now.

The teacher frowned. "Your file said you were expelled."

"Yeah, but it wasn't for anything at school." He could feel his cheeks burn in embarrassment. Why couldn't she just read the file and leave him in peace?  
The teacher just continued to stare at him, waiting. The tension in the room was thick and both student and teacher waited for the other to say something. 

Finally, after several moments of awkward silence, Jensen said, "I was expelled because of a fight I got in outside of school. I, uh...I was in juvie for a couple months."

The teacher just nodded. "Is that why you're here today? Fighting?"

"Yeah," Jensen mumbled.  Though, really, he shouldn't be the only one here.  The other two guys, Mike and Tom, should be in here too, but Jensen's not surprised that Mr. Chambers took their word over his.  It was two against one and one person had already had a history of fights. 

"Ok," the teacher said.  "We're not here to dwell on the past. My name is Mrs. Erickson.  It looks like you're here for the rest of the week?" Jensen nodded.  "You will wait for me in the office every morning, just like you did today.  I will escort you here.  You aren't allowed to leave the room, except for restroom breaks, but you will be escorted. Any questions?"

Jensen shook his head.  If all of this didn't remind him of juvie before, it certainly did now. Only three days, he reminded himself. Only three days and then he would be back with the rest of the students.

"I've already spoken to your teachers and they've provided me with a list of the material you will be missing.  You are to work on that and nothing else," Mrs. Erickson said as she handed over several sheets of paper. "Let me know if you run into any issues."

Jensen nodded and started to flip through the papers as Mrs. Erickson walked back to her desk.  He took a deep breath. He could do this.  It was only three days and at first glance it didn't look like the make up work would be that bad.  Boring, but not hard.

The morning seemed to drag on forever. Jensen kept glancing at the clock, only to be disappointed to learn that only a few minutes had passed since the last time he looked. He tried to focus and get his work done, but by midmorning, Jensen was beginning to get a little stir crazy. The room was silent except for the occasional turn of a page or the scratch of a pencil on some paper. There was nothing to do except the make up work, and most of it had just involved reading the textbook for each subject.  He tried to take notes, hoping it would provide a little more stimulation, but it didn’t help. He was still just as bored as before.

As he worked, he wondered what Mike and Tom were up to.  They had gotten off without any sort of punishment and he wondered what they were telling the rest of the student body. Jensen was sure that by now the entire student body knew about what happened, or at least Mike and Tom's version of events. He just knew that going back was going to be even worse than when everyone first found out about his ankle monitor. Now, he actually had done something and that made all the difference.  Maybe that was proof enough for the student body that he was bad news and that everyone needed to stay away from him for their own safety. Although, it wasn’t as if they needed anymore reason to stay away from him, especially since there had been rumors going around that he had killed a person.

He had overheard the two girls gossiping as he walked from one class to the next and he couldn’t help but laugh at that. He had definitely not killed a person, but he had to admit that it was interesting hearing what rumors students could come up with. It made him wonder about his old school. What had the rumor been there? After all, Jensen had been there one day and then not the next. There had to have been something.

“Jensen,” Mrs. Erickson said. He shook up head and looked up, unaware of how much time had passed. “It’s time for lunch.”

“Oh,” Jensen said softly. He glanced at the clock and sure enough. His morning was over. Lunch and a few more hours in the afternoon and then he would be out of here. Well, at least for a while. Then he got to come back in the next day and do it all over again.

“If you give me your money, I’ll have someone bring your lunch down.”

“I’m not hungry,” Jensen said. That was partially true. He didn’t have much of an appetite today, just like how he didn’t have a huge appetite when he was sitting in juvie.

“Hm,” Mrs. Erickson said. “You’re still a teenager and you need to eat.”

Jensen shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I didn’t bring any money anyway.”

“Oh,” Mrs. Erickson said, her voice filled with pity, which was the last thing Jensen wanted. He didn’t need a random teacher feeling sorry for him, especially when, just a few hours ago, she stood there and practically judged him for everything that had happened before he transferred here. “You know that there are programs if you can’t afford—“

“No,” Jensen said quickly. He wasn’t poor, but she didn’t need to know about his family situation. He didn’t want to pay for lunch here and that was that. “It’s not a big deal. Just not that hungry.”

“You have to eat,” she insisted.

Jensen shrugged and turned his gaze down the table he was sitting at.

“I can lend you some—“ Mrs. Erickson started.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just keep working,” Jensen said. 

“One day won’t kill me,” Jensen promised. He would just be really hungry when he got home, just like he was every day, but he would get over it.

Mrs. Erickson was silent as she continued to stare at him, probably unsure of how to respond to the whole situation. Jensen couldn’t know for certain what she was thinking, but he had a pretty good idea: poor kid who has no money and spent time in jail. 

Jensen sat in silence, trying to get his focus back on his work.

The afternoon passed by just as slowly as the morning. Except now, he was losing interest in the textbooks (not that he had a lot of interest to begin with). Instead, he started thinking more and more about his upcoming meeting with his probation officer. He had been told that it was unlikely that he would go back to juvie, but the fear was still there. Besides, John hadn’t been able to give Jensen a one hundred percent guarantee that he would not be going back to juvie. He just said that it was ‘unlikely’, which meant there was still a possibility and that was terrifying. Jensen just tried to hold on to hope that he wouldn’t be going back.

It was hard to focus on the textbook in front of him by pushing all the thoughts not related to school from his mind, but it didn’t work. Every time Jensen would get a few sentences in, his brain would start to wander, eventually making its way back to upcoming meeting.

The clock seemed to be against him today, ticking by what seemed to be much slower than usual. Every thirty seconds felt like thirty minutes. The next two days would be absolutely brutal since Jensen had made a significant amount of progress on his work today. He told himself that this is going to be motivation to stay out of trouble in the future. However, if he got in trouble again, he probably wouldn’t be staring at the inside of this room. Instead he would be staring at the four walls of a cell, which was all the more reason to stay out of trouble.

Finally, it was near the end of the day. Five more minutes to go (not that Jensen was counting). He still had his books open, afraid that if he started to pack up too early, Mrs. Erickson would say something. Instead he just stared at the clock, watching the seconds slowly tick by.

“You can go ahead and start packing up,” Mrs. Erickson said, making Jensen jump slightly. After sitting in silence all day, the sudden noise sounded significantly louder than it actually was.

Jensen didn’t hesitate, hastily closing books and notebooks, placing them all in a neat stack.

“You can leave all of that here overnight,” she instructed. “Then tomorrow, we can come straight here.”

Jensen nodded and returned his eyes to the clock. Less than two minutes to go. 

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” 

“Ok, grab your things, I’ll escort you out,” she said. Jensen didn’t even have to think. He jumped up from his chair, threw the extremely lightweight backpack over his shoulder and followed Mrs. Erickson out of the room.

As they were walking, he realized why they were leaving now. The bell hadn’t rang yet, so all of the students were still in class. This way, they would be able to get him out of school without interacting with the rest of the student body. It didn’t really matter. It’s not like he had friends, or anyone who wanted to interact with him, here. 

The bell rang right as they reached the front door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jensen,” she said.

“See ya,” Jensen responded before pushing open the door and bounding down the concrete steps.

Jensen walked the short route home, enjoying the fresh air. Today had been long and incredibly boring, but his stomach was still a mess of nerves because of his meeting with his probation officer tonight. He had to remind himself, again, that John had already said that it was unlikely that Jensen would be going back to juvie. Although, he had found little comfort in that. He had a pretty good idea of what John was going to say, but that didn’t make it any easer.

By the time that he was sitting in his mom’s car staring up at the building, his hands were shaking. He'd been here twice before, but that thought provided little comfort.  It was almost 3:55. He still had five more minutes, but that didn’t really matter. He was still going to have to go in and face the music.

"You ready?" His mom asked.

"I don't really have a choice," Jensen said. That wasn't entirely true. He could just blow off the meeting, even though it'd be exceptionally difficult with his mom here, but if he didn't show, then he was pretty much guaranteeing himself a one way ticket back to juvie.  

She gave him a look that said that it was his choice and that it was because of him that they were sitting there right now. "I know," Jensen said.  "I'm going."

He led the way into the building, his mother following close behind him. They checked in at the front desk and sat down in the waiting area until John was ready for them.  

Jensen hated the meetings with his probation officer, even though he’d only had two before.  The guy was nice enough, but Jensen always felt like he was one wrong answer away to ending back up in juvie. In his phone call yesterday, Jensen had been told that it was very unlikely that he was going back, however, he knew that he would feel a lot better once he got a complete confirmation.

"Jensen?" The receptionist said. "John is ready for you. You can go on back."

Jensen went back towards John's office, while his mom stayed behind in the waiting area. His door was already open.

"Ah, Jensen," John said. "Come on in."  Jensen took a seat facing John. 

John wasted no time. "So what's going on?" He asked.

"I was suspended," Jensen said simply, even though he knew that John already knew all that.  He would have probably all ready been in contact with the school and Mr. Chambers probably already explained everything. At least, the principal regurgitated Mike and Tom's story, but at least John would have a general idea of what was going on.

"Why?"

"I got in a fight," Jensen said, but he could tell from the look John was giving him that that answer wasn’t good enough.  "I guess I lost my cool or something. It was a mistake and won't happen again."

"I would hope so. Part of the conditions for your release on probation was that you were to stay out of trouble. That means no more fights."

"I know."

"I already told you that you won't be going back because of this offense, but I still wanted to talk to you. I need you to understand the severity of the situation," John explained as if Jensen didn't already know how serious this all was. “We’re going to use this as a warning, Jensen, but if there is another incident, there’s nothing I can do. You’re going back until you turn eighteen. That’s the deal.”

“I understand,” Jensen said, nodding. The threat of spending more time in juvie would hopefully be enough to make him stay out of trouble. “I really don’t want to go back. I swear that I’m trying.”

“That’s good, but we gotta see you actually making progress. It’s been just over two weeks and that doesn’t look good, especially to a judge. You’re gonna have to straighten out, kid.”

“I will,” Jensen promised.

“Now, I gotta ask you,” John said. “Is there anything I could do?”

“What?” Jensen asked, slightly taken aback by John’s question. It had been a long time since anyone had asked him if there was any way they could help.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” John repeated. “That’s part of my job. We don’t want to see you end up back in juvie and we certainly don’t want to see you go through the adult system, so we are trying to offer you whatever help we can now, while we still got a chance with you.”

Jensen had no idea how he was supposed to respond to that. It was great that John wanted to help, but there really wasn’t anything he could do. “I don’t think so,” Jensen said. “I mean, it’s kind of up to me to keep myself out of trouble.”

“That’s true,” John agreed. “You have to be able to control your temper and not automatically start throwing punches.”

The thing was that Jensen didn’t start throwing punches. At least not right away. He had tried to just walk away from Mike and Tom, but it just wasn’t that easy. “I know, but it’s just not always that easy.”

“I know it’s not, but sometimes you just have to be able to walk away,” John said.

“It’s not always that easy,” Jensen said before taking a deep breath. “Yesterday, I didn’t just start a fight just because I wanted to. These two guys, they, uh, they just wouldn’t leave me alone. They cornered me and just wouldn’t get out of my face. They kept talking like they knew everything about me and making all the assumptions and stuff and... I tried to leave them and just walk away, but…” 

“But you weren’t able to and it just became too much?” John guessed.

Jensen nodded. “That’s basically it. I tried. I tried doing all the things they teach you inside to try and control your anger, but that stuff doesn’t work the way they say it should.”

“What they say is never going to be perfect,” John explained. “You gotta find what works for you because everyone calms down different ways. For you, it sounds like you just need to be able to get away.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. If only he could get away. Then he would be fine, but it just wasn’t that easy.

“Well, let’s just keep working on that, okay?”

Jensen nodded. “Ok.”

“I don’t want to have to call another another one of these emergency meetings. Actually, there won’t be a next time, because if this happens again, you’re back in the detention center.”

“I know.” He didn’t want to think about it, but he knew that this was is only chance. The next time it was game over.

“Do you have any other questions?” John asked. Jensen shook his head. “Ok, then I guess we’re done here. Thanks for coming in, Jensen.”

Jensen nodded, unsure of what to say.

“Like I’ve told you before, if you need anything, give me a call. That’s why I’m here,” John said. “We don’t want to see you go back.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, extending his hand to John. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you for your normal appointment.”

Jensen nodded before turning around and heading out of the room. His mom was still in the waiting area, sitting there silently with a book.

“Hey, mom,” Jensen said.

“You all set?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Let’s get out of here.”

When they were situated in the car, his mom asked, “So you’re definitely not going back?”

“Definitely not going back,” Jensen confirmed. “At least not this time. John made it pretty clear that there wouldn’t be a next time though. I used up my only chance.”

“I hope you take his words to heart and actually listen to him.”

“I will, mom,” Jensen promised. “No more fights.”

When they got home, Jensen’s mom parked in the driveway. As soon as she had turned the car off, she leaned over and pulled Jensen into a hug. It was awkward since they were still in the car, but Jensen wasn’t going to complain.

“I’m so happy they aren’t sending you back.”

Jensen wrapped his own arms around his mother. “Me too,” he said. “And I promise, I’m going to try harder next time.”

She pulled back and nodded. “Let’s get inside and get dinner going. Your sister has tennis practice and I want to have dinner ready by the time she’s home.”

“Sounds good,” Jensen said. The day had been long, but at least now he could say with absolute certainty that he wasn’t going back. At least not now.

***

Jensen walked into school on Monday morning, unable to hide how happy he was to be back. He may not have been a fan of the students here, but anything was better than sitting in that stuffy, boring room with Mrs. Erickson. There was no more suspension, no more awkward and annoying silence, and no more having to be escorted everywhere by Mrs. Erickson. All things considered, life was pretty good right now.

As Jensen moved through the halls, he heard the whispers and felt the stares, but he refused to let it get to him. It was annoying, but it was nothing less than what he expected and he could deal with it. It was still better than sitting in that room with Mrs. Erickson.

The day passed by faster than any of the days he had been suspended, possibly even faster than a half a day of suspension.  He found himself paying attention to what his teachers were saying and actively taking notes.  He stopped just short of actually raising his hand and participating in class, but he did provide answers when teachers called on him.

Jensen walked home after that first day back with a slight bounce in his step. Even though he still didn’t have any friends and people avoided him, it had still been one of his best days in a while and his good mood continued until his mom got home.

"Good day?" His mom asked.

"Great!" Jensen said. "Was out of suspension."

She laughed, a hint of sadness in her voice.  Perhaps it was because her son was just happy to be out of suspension, not because anything particularly fun happened at school that day.  "That's good.  Do you want to help make dinner?"

"Sure."

***

Jensen didn’t return to class until the following week. Jared couldn’t help but feel bad because he, like most of the student body, barely noticed Jensen’s absence after that first day. It was only when Jensen returned that Jared realized that Jensen had been missing in the first place. 

The buzz around the school returned, albeit briefly, when Jensen came back to class. It was significantly different than when Jensen first came to school, but it was still there. Jared figured that it probably had something to do with the fact that Jensen now had the fight with the two most popular kids in school, alongside his criminal record. 

As much as Jared tried to deny it, he couldn’t help his own feeling of unease when he saw Jensen. Sure, the kid was in a fight and had been to juvie, but even after being at the school for three weeks, no one really knew what exactly Jensen had done to end up in juvie in the first place. Although, that wasn’t for a lack of trying. 

Chad, along with several other students had taken it upon themselves in those early days to figure out what Jensen had done. However, Jensen was a minor, so his record wasn’t as easily accessible as adult criminals. Jared tried not to dwell on it too much, instead trying to focus on his studies and keeping Chad from looking like an idiot when he tried to ask out Sophia for the seventh time. He had enough on his plate already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This *should* be last really sad chapter for a while. Next up, Jared and Jensen finally get to talk. Thanks for sticking with it this far!


	7. Chapter 7

“So it’s that time of the semester again,” Mr. Trudeau said. “Time for another fun and exciting research project.”

Everyone in the class, including Jared, groaned. Mr. Trudeau’s research projects were anything but fun. For his last project, Jared had spent hours compiling a fifteen page paper on the effects of the Civil War on American society. It had been several late nights spent researching and outlining, trying to get everything finished in time since Mr. Trudeau didn’t always give the most reasonable time frame for his projects.

“This time, we’ll be focusing on presidents. We’ve covered several thus far, so you can take your pick and choose whomever you like. You’ll be researching their lives, their policies, and other significant events during their presidency,” Mr. Trudeau explained. Jared was already trying to brainstorm ideas and weighing different options in his mind. “Now, I learned from last time, that a lot of you were pressed for time, so my advice to you is to start earlier this time.”

Jared forced himself to stifle the groan at Mr. Trudeau’s statement. For the last project, Jared had started early and spent several nights on the project, but even he was pressed for time.

“This time, we’re going to change it up a bit,” Mr. Trudeau continued. “Instead of each person working independently on their own paper, we’ll be working in pairs.” The entire class seemed to sit up a little bit straighter and breathe a sigh of relief at this news. Having a partner would definitely help alleviate some of the stress. “Now, don’t get too excited because I’ve already chosen partners.”

Just great, Jared thought. He always had terrible luck when teachers assigned partners. More often that not, he was partnered with someone who either didn’t care about their grade, as long as it was passing, or someone who cared about their grade but was completely incompetent. Jared braced himself for the worst as Mr. Trudeau read off the names of partners.

“Isabella Smith and Natasha Fuller.” The two girls, already seated next to each other, turned and high fived, obviously thrilled that they were going to be able to work together.

“James Franklin and Melissa Wheeler.” The list went on and on, as Jared waited to find out who he was going to be assigned with. All he could do was hope that he would at least have a decent partner. 

“Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles.” Jared felt his heart sink to the floor. Out of all the possible scenarios, this was definitely the worst and would probably end up being his worst partner to date. As Mr. Trudeau finished out the list of partners, Jared started to mentally prepared himself for several long nights researching and outlining. He doubted that Jensen was going to be any help to him.

“Ok, so everyone should have a partner. Now, we still have a few minutes left in class, so take that time to meet with your partners and form a strategy. You have two weeks to finish this project, so I’d highly suggest starting early. I say this every time, but no one ever seems to believe me, but this is not a project you can do the night before. I will be able to tell,” Mr. Trudeau warned. “Now, off you go. Meet with your partners and make a strategy and good luck.”

Jared looked over toward Jensen who was still staring at his book. Jared huffed in frustration as it became clear that Jensen wasn’t going to move. He gathered his things and made his way over to Jensen, weaving through the people who were already starting to discuss which president they were going to research with their partners. Jared couldn’t help but feel envious. They all got partners who were actually going to contribute. Jared would be lucky if Jensen even contributed anything. Maybe Jared could just turn in his assignment with his name on it and not Jensen’s. It wouldn’t be fair to give Jensen credit if he didn’t do any of the work.

Jensen looked up as Jared approached his desk. “Hi,” Jared said, feeling incredibly awkward and wishing that Mr. Trudeau would have just left this as an individual project. 

“You’re Jared?” 

“Uh, yeah. I guess we’re partners,” Jared said. “I don’t know if you have an opinion or something that you really want to do.”

“Whatever you want,” Jensen responded simply. 

After exchanging just a few words with Jensen, Jared was quickly coming to the conclusion that his fear was coming true: he would be completing this project alone. “Ok, well I was thinking we could do something with Teddy Roosevelt. There’ll be plenty of stuff on him, but it’s not like he did the most, so it shouldn’t be too much.”

“Yeah, sure. Just tell me what you want me to do.”

Jared did a double take with Jensen’s comment. Jensen was actually asking for what he was supposed to contribute to this project? That was unexpected. Normally, Jared had to tell his partner what to do and then do it himself as well. “Uh,” Jared said uncertainly, “if there’s a specific part you want to do that’s fine, or we could meet up sometime to figure it out in more detail.”

Jensen just shakes his head. “No, just tell me what you want to do. I’ll do it.”

“It’d probably be easier to just meet up,” Jared tried to reason.

“That’s not going to work, so look, just tell me what you want to do and I’ll take care of it.”

“Ok, fine,” Jared said. “Look, you take his first term, I’ll work on his second.” Jared figured that he could take care of the rest of the work. If Jensen did his part, which was a big if, maybe Jared could still get a semi decent grade on this assignment.

“Ok,” Jensen said. He looked like he still wanted to say something, but kept his mouth firmly shut.

Jared didn’t know what else to say. They had made their decisions and now all they could do was wait until the bell rang, which wouldn’t be for another agonizing three minutes. So instead, Jared and Jensen sat his silence, just waiting. Jared thought about starting a conversation, but what was he supposed to say? Instead, he could just wait out the painful silence.

The bell thankfully rang and Jared hastily made his escape to the hallway and to his locker. He couldn’t help but let out a breath. Why him? Why did he have to be partnered with Jensen? It just wasn’t fair.

Jared didn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. Normally, he would have been paying attention in class and jotting down little notes in the margins with ideas for his history assignment, but all he could think was why him?

Chad didn’t help things either. “Just tell Trudeau that you won’t work with him, that it’s unfair or something,” Chad had suggested during their final class of the day. They had been given a worksheet to do and were told they could work together. Naturally, Jared and Chad pushed their desks together and talked, occasionally stopping to fill in the answer to one of the questions.

“I don’t think I could do that and it’s not like Trudeau is going to change his mind. This is the same teacher who gives fifteen page research papers that are due in two weeks.”

“Yeah, but you still shouldn’t have to work with a criminal. How is that fair to you?”

Jared shook his head. “It’s not.” He wanted the situation to be different, but there really wasn’t anything he could do. Mr. Trudeau picked partners and unless someone magically transferred schools during the middle of the project, there was no way he was going to change partners. Last time Mr. Trudeau assigned partners, Jared’s partner had been out sick with the flu for a week and Mr. Trudeau still expected the assignment to be finished by the designated due date. “But there really isn’t anything I can do about it.”

“Sorry, man.” Chad almost sounded sincere.

“It’s not like you made us partners. Besides, it’s not like I have to see him outside of class.”

“Wait what?” Chad asked. “Isn’t that part of the project?”

“You would think, but I tried to get something set up and he just pushed back,” Jared huffed. That had been one of the more frustrating points of being paired with Jensen. “At least other people are willing to, and understand that it’s kind of required for this type of project.”

“I dunno, Jared.”

“Me either.”

***

Jensen spent the entire weekend working on his half of the history paper.  He had a pretty good feeling that his partner was expecting him to do a poor job, if he even did anything at all. Jensen wanted to prove him wrong.  He wanted to prove the entire school wrong and show them that he was a good student and more than just some troublemaker. The fact that he spent some time in juvie didn’t define him.

He read through article after article, trying to find good sources to cite in his paper. The more he read, the more he became intrigued and realized that researching a president’s career wasn’t as boring as he had initially thought. He took notes in his notebook and tried to shape everything into a rough outline before starting on the actual paper.

Time seemed to pass a lot faster as he worked on the assignment. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that this assignment was the first one to actually provide some kind of challenge.  It was just a standard research and analysis paper, but there was so much to it that it kept Jensen busy for almost the entire weekend.

Late on Sunday night, Jensen finally printed off an eleven page document to give to his partner tomorrow. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face and the sense of accomplishment he felt. Tomorrow was going to be a good day and he couldn’t wait to see the look on his partner’s face when he was proved wrong and shown that Jensen was a good student and not just a troublemaking slacker.

***

Jared didn’t even bother trying to hide his massive yawn when he walked into school the following Monday. Everyone had always told him that weekends were for relaxing, but Jared had a hard time buying it, especially with the weekend he just had. Two straight days of work and he still wasn’t done with his research paper. He felt like he had made good progress but there was still a lot of work to go. That wasn’t taking his partner’s half of the paper into account. Jared still had no idea if his partner was going to produce something of quality and if he didn’t, Jared was going to have many more long nights ahead of him.

Jared made his way to his locker, weaving through other exhausted students and somewhat shocked to see that Chad wasn’t there yet. He always came and bothered Jared first thing in the morning. Maybe Chad was sick or something. If Chad was at school, he’d track Jared down eventually.

“Jared?” a voice from behind him asked. 

He turned around and was completely shocked to see Jensen Ackles standing there. Jared couldn’t help but wonder why Jensen was there.

“Can I help you?” Jared asked. As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized that he probably sounded incredibly rude. Jensen’s face fell, but he recovered quickly that Jared had to wonder if he had just imagined it in the first place.

“I just wanted to give you this,” Jensen said, thrusting a small stack of papers into Jared’s hands.

Jared was confused. “What’s this?”

“My half of the project.”

Jared’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe it. Not only did Jensen actually do his half of the project, but he was finished already. They still had a whole week and a half to work on it yet. “Oh,” Jared said, trying to gain some kind of composure. “Uh, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Jensen huffed. He turned on his heel on stormed off. 

Jared was left standing there, looking like an idiot and all he could do was watch Jensen walk away. The bell rang and pulled Jared from his thoughts. He hastily shoved Jensen’s half of the essay on the top shelf of his locker and went to class. 

Throughout his entire pre-calculus class, all he could think about was his interaction with Jensen. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Jensen had already finished his half of the project. Despite most of Saturday and all day Sunday doing nothing but working on the paper, he was nowhere near close to being done. How was it possible that Jensen was done? 

Jared knew that he would actually have to read through Jensen’s paper though and make sure that it was actually something he could turn in. His name had to be on it too and he refused to turn in something that wasn’t done well.

When he got home that night, he started pulling books out of his backpack and a stack of papers came falling out with it. He was confused for a moment, but then he remembered the awkward conversation with Jensen that previous morning, when Jensen had given him his half of the research project. Jared still had to read through it to make sure it was well done.

Jared gathered the papers and went back to sit at his desk. He flipped to the first page and started reading. He was one paragraph in and he had to admit that he was satisfied. It was so much better than what he had expected. Jared kept reading, becoming increasingly more impressed with each passing paragraph.

He finished the paper and realized that he was going to have to put in even more effort to make his half of the paper seem as good as Jensen’s. 

Jared still had a hard time wrapping his head around what Jensen had done. Maybe Jared had been to quick to judge him. This paper was definitely making him think twice about it, but then he remembered that Jensen had been suspended not even two weeks ago for fighting. Of course, from Jared’s perspective, he couldn’t one hundred percent tell what had happened, but Jensen had still attacked Mike and Tom. Jared couldn’t just ignore that or the fact that Jensen had been in juvie and currently was sporting an ankle monitor. Jared had never seen it, but Chad, along with most of Chad’s P.E. Class, had seen it and that was good enough for Jared. 

It just didn’t make any sense. Jensen was obviously smart, but getting in trouble for fighting and Jared didn’t know what to think.

Maybe he would have to ask Jensen about it. He definitely needed to apologize for acting like an asshole when Jensen had given him the paper and even when they had first been assigned as partners, but more than that, Jared needed to know what was up with Jensen. How did someone that smart get into so much trouble?

Jared forced himself to push all thoughts of Jensen from his brain. He needed to work on this paper. Now that he had Jensen’s half, he needed to make sure that his half would be just as good.

***

The next morning, Jared purposely got to school early, determined to talk to Jensen. He didn’t know where Jensen’s locker was so he was forced to wait outside in the cold morning air, hoping to catch Jensen before he got lost in the sea of students. It was strange, because for Jensen’s first week here, he stood out like a sore thumb, but now he just seemed to blend in with the rest of the students and fly completely under the radar.

Jared watched as the students walked up the cracked, concrete steps into the school, watching and waiting. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. Jensen still had time before the school day actual started, but Jared hoped he would show up soon so they could actually have a chance to talk. With every minute that passed, Jared realized that he would have less time with Jensen.

Finally, with less than five minutes before the warning bell rang, Jared spotted Jensen walking up the sidewalk. Jared decided against running up to him, instead choosing to wait until Jensen got closer to him. “Hey! Jensen!” Jared called. 

Jensen stopped dead in his tracks and looked around in confusion. It was then Jared realized that Jensen must not have many, if any friends, here. It made sense. Jared never saw him with any other students. He showed up right before classes started and probably left as soon as the final bell rang.

Jared ran up to Jensen. “Hey,” Jared said. He was trying to be cheerful, but quickly realized how awkward this conversation was going to be. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

“Hi?” Jensen said, the look of confusion not leaving this face.

“How’s it going?”

“Do you want something?” Jensen asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Jared said, feeling incredibly awkward and small, which was saying something since he was one of the tallest people in his class. “I, uh…I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ok?” Jensen seemed very unsure of the whole situation and Jared really couldn’t blame him. 

“I was just wondering why you finished the assignment already?” Jared asked quickly. “I mean I read it last night and it was really good, but I just wasn’t expecting you to get it to me so early so I guess I was just wondering why?”

“What?” Jared didn’t think it was possible but Jensen looked more confused than he did before.

“I mean, we have til next week. I wasn’t expecting you to get it that early or…” Jared dropped off. He couldn’t just say it.

“Or finish it at all?” Jensen said, finishing Jared’s sentence. There was a hint of anger in his voice and Jared felt like a complete asshole. He should have just left it alone, not questioned it, and went on his way.

“I never said that,” Jared said. He had to at least try to defend himself. 

“No, but I’m not an idiot,” Jensen said. “I know you were thinking it and all of the teachers and everybody at this school thinks it.”

“But—“

“Look, I did it because I don’t have much else to do,” Jensen said. “Is that it or was that answer not good enough for you?”

“What?”

Jensen shook his head and pushed his way passed Jared.

“It was a simple question,” Jared called after him. “You didn’t have to be an asshole about it.”

Jensen stopped and turned around to look at Jared again. “I’m the asshole? I’m not the one jumping to conclusions and assuming someone asshole before getting to know them. Just cornering someone and interrogating them doesn’t really give you a lot of insight about a person.” Jensen turned around and made his way up the stairs and into the school while Jared was left standing there, feeling more confused and unsure than ever.

Jared wasn’t surprised to find that he wasn’t able of focus on his class. He had some kind of interaction with Jensen, so naturally he spent the next class in a daze, thinking about the encounter. This was starting to happen way too often.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how maybe Jensen was right. Jared couldn’t deny that his way of approaching Jensen probably wasn’t the best way he could have gone about things. Jared definitely knew that it was way out of line to call Jensen an asshole. He didn’t know Jensen. Everything he knew about him came from rumors that were passed around the school and filtered to him through Chad.

Maybe Jensen wasn’t an asshole and maybe Jared should try and get to know him. Wasn’t that basically what Jensen was trying to get at? Jared should get to know someone before calling them an asshole? 

But that was terrifying to think about. Getting to know Jensen? What did he and Jensen have in common? Nothing really. Why would he willingly go an talk with him? What would Jensen even say if Jared tried to start a friendly conversation with him? 

Despite how terrifying it felt, Jared knew that he had to do something.

Jared tried to find Jensen at lunch later that day. After thinking about it all morning he had decided that Jensen was right and he was an idiot. It was only fair to try and get to know Jensen. Obviously the kid was smart and that had to count for something. However, as Jared scanned the cafeteria, he couldn’t see Jensen anywhere. It was like he didn’t even come in to get lunch.

“Jared!” 

He whipped around and focused on the people sitting at his lunch table.

“Are you ok?” Genevieve asked.

“Yeah,” Jared said “Just distracted.”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

Jared shook his head and frowned. “Not really.” He really didn’t want to discuss Jensen with them. Chad was out sick for the second day in a row, but Jared knew that Genevieve and Misha weren’t exactly Jensen’s biggest fans either. He was pretty sure that they would look at him like he had a second head if he told them that he was going to, voluntarily, go and try to talk to Jensen.

Genevieve didn’t seem convinced, but dropped the subject. “It’s a lot quieter at this table with Chad not here,” she said.

“That really shouldn’t surprise you,” Jared said. “Chad always had a big mouth.”

Genevieve and Misha both laughed at the comment. “That’s true, but you could make some kind of attempt at conversation.”

“What do you want me to talk about? Nothing even remotely interesting happened to me today,” Jared said. That wasn’t true. He was pretty sure that his conversation with Jensen this morning qualified as something interesting, but he really didn’t want to talk about it. Not with anyone, not even his friends.

“Well, I don’t know,” Genevieve said. “I just don’t like sitting here in silence.”

“Well then, I’m sorry that I can’t be of more help to you,” Jared said. “Why don’t you pick on Misha?”

Genevieve must have launched into trying to get Misha involved in a conversation, but Jared wasn’t paying attention. He had just remembered that he and Jensen shared their next class together. He would see Jensen there and then maybe he could actually talk to him.

There were still a few minutes left in the lunch period, but Jared said, “I’m going to head out a little early.”

Genevieve gave him a weird look, but didn’t say anything. He went to his locker and got his things for history ready. His plan was to be the first one in the room, then maybe he could catch Jensen.

There was one flaw in Jared’s plan. Jensen didn’t show up until five seconds before the bell rang. It was at that moment that Jared realized that Jensen would probably be the first one out the door when the bell rang at the end of class. Basically, there was no way for Jared to win and it was frustrating. He just wanted to take Jensen up on his own piece of advice. Jared didn’t think it was asking too much for Jensen to cooperate.

By the time Jared stared his walk home from school, he was frustrated. He didn’t know what to do. Jared had tried to catch Jensen after school, but again, Jensen just disappeared leaving Jared without a chance. 

He told himself that he would give it one more try. After that, he was done. Jensen could continue ignoring the world and Jared would go back to ignoring him. He decided that the next morning, he would try and catch Jensen before school since that seemed to be the only time where he had any luck. All he could hope for was that Jensen would actually talk to him and not blow him off and he wasn’t convinced that Jensen wouldn’t just blow him off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the comments and kudos!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting! Enjoy!

For the second morning in a row, Jared arrived at school early. He stood in the same spot, leaning against the same wall, waiting for Jensen to show up. Just like yesterday, Jensen showed up less than five minutes before the warning bell rang.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jared said, running up to him. He still wasn’t completely sure about this plan, but he was here, so he might as well give it a try.

Jensen stopped and looked at Jared with the same look of confusion that had plastered his face the previous day. “What do you want now?” Jensen asked. Jared tried to ignore the harshness in Jensen’s voice.

“You were right,” Jared said simply.

“About what?” Jensen asked.

“I thought about yesterday and you were right,” Jared said. “You told me that I should get to know someone before passing judgment. Well, it wasn’t exactly that, but uh, that was kind of the gist of it.”

Jared didn’t think it was possible, but Jensen looked even more confused than before. “Yeah, I did,” Jensen said slowly. “And I’m glad you see it that way, but I don’t get what that has to do with stopping me for a second day in a row.”

“I, uh,” Jared tried to say, but the words wouldn’t form. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to say. Jensen groaned and started to walk away. Jared panicked. This was not how this conversation was supposed to go at all. “Wait! Jensen!” He took a few big steps to catch up to him.

Jensen stopped and turned to face Jared. “Look, I did my half of the paper and I’m staying out of your way. You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I never said that,” Jared said.

“You didn’t have to.”

Not for the first time, Jared felt like an asshole. “Well, I didn’t mean it.”

“Do you really expect me to buy that?”

“No,” Jared sighed. “I was an jerk and was way too quick to write you off.”

“Ok, can we just get to the point?” Jensen asked. “What do you want?”

“I, uh. I was hoping… I wanted to get to know you,” Jared said, feeling incredibly awkward. This whole conversation was awkward and Jared knew that it was him fault.

Jensen seemed to do a double take. “You want to do what?”

“Get to know you,” Jared repeated with a little more confidence in his voice.

“Why on earth would you want to get to know me?”

“But isn’t that what you said?” Jared’s mind was running in circles, trying to keep up. First, Jensen told him to get to know him and now Jensen was looking at him like he had sprouted a second head for trying to follow Jensen’s advice. “Get to know someone?”

“Well, I didn’t necessarily mean me,” Jensen explained. “It was all hypothetical.” Jared felt his heart sink. He had completely misunderstood Jensen’s intentions.

“Besides, you really don’t want to get to know me.”

Jared perked up a little at that. Maybe he could still salvage this. “ Why?”

“Simple,” Jensen said. “Because you’ll run away just like the rest of them. Everyone always does.”

“How do you know that I won’t be different?” Jared asked. At this point, he just wanted to prove to Jensen, and also to himself, that he wasn’t like everyone else. He could look beyond Jensen’s past if he was given the chance, but it seemed that Jensen didn’t want to give him that chance.

“Because they’re all the same. Believe me,” he said firmly. “I’ve seen it enough times, so I think I can safely say that I know what’s going to happen. It’s the same old story every time.”

“Well, maybe I’m different,” Jared said.

“Yeah?” Jensen asked. “Maybe ghosts and monsters are real too.”

“Look, Jensen, I’m just trying to take your advice and besides,” Jared tried to explain. “I’m actually here talking to you. That’s gotta count for something.”

The warning bell rang. Instead of responding, Jensen just turned and walked toward the steps leading up to the school. He seemed perfectly content to just leave Jared there and to forget the entire conversation.

“This isn’t over,” Jared called.

Jensen didn’t stop. “Whatever,” he called over his shoulder.

Jared stood there for a brief moment, trying to wrap his head around what just happened. Then he realized he would be late for class if he stood there any longer. Instead, he could just think about it during class, just like he always seemed to do.

***

It was odd. There was no other way to put it. It had been one thing for Jared to run up to him on that first day, but Jensen figured that he would never hear from him again. He was surprised to see Jared come running up to him this morning as well. It just didn’t make sense. Why now all of the sudden? Just because they were partners for some stupid history paper? That didn’t mean that they had to be friends. Apparently Jared didn’t see it that way and Jensen didn’t know what to do with that.

He couldn’t deny that it was great that someone was actually trying to talk to him and making an effort, albeit a strange one, to try to get to know him. However, at the same time, he had become used to just existing in his own little world. It was easier to keep his head down and ignore everyone else if he didn’t have friends here. That didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have liked to have some more people in his life, but he was scared. There was no way to deny it. Jensen had seen first hand how easily everyone turned on him when he first started getting into trouble at St. Joseph’s and he really didn’t want to go through that again. He was scared that if he made friends and they turned on him, he would have an even harder time controlling himself than he already did. While he would have liked to have more people in his life besides his mom, siblings, and probation officer, now just wasn’t a good time for that.

Throughout all of his classes, Jensen couldn’t stop thinking about Jared. Something in his gut told him that Jared might actually be different, but his head told him otherwise. His head told him that this was just not going to end well for him and he had no clue what to do.

Part of him wanted to actually let Jared in, at least part way, to test it and see what would happen. He knew it would take a lot to let someone in completely and he knew that he wasn’t quite ready for that yet, but would it really hurt to let someone part of the way in? At the very least, it might make his days more interesting.

After spending an entire morning thinking about it, he finally decided no. He wasn’t going to let Jared in because that would could, and probably would, lead to trouble and that was the absolute last thing he needed.

The bell rang for lunch and Jensen went to his normal spot outside the building. He took a deep breath as he leaned his head back against the wall and shut his eyes, letting the sun warm his skin.

He was surprised to hear his name being called a few minutes later. Jensen opened his eyes and looked at the big shadow that was now covering him. What on earth was Jared doing out here?

***

Jared remained silent through dinner that night, instead choosing to let his younger sister dominate the conversation with his parents. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts.

After spending almost the entire day thinking about Jensen, Jared still had no idea how to approach the situation. Cornering Jensen in the mornings before school didn’t seem to work. Jensen didn’t want to talk to him and they were always cut off by the warning bell. However, Jared was still determined to try again. He was determined to prove to Jensen that he was different, although he couldn’t deny that part of it was proving to himself that he was different, and better, than the rest of the students at school. He could look past things that most students couldn’t.

“Jared, how was your day?” his mom asked, pulling Jared from his own thoughts.

“Fine,” Jared said. The truth was, aside from Jensen, there wasn’t anything special about his day and he really didn’t want to discuss Jensen with his parents.

“You seem awfully quiet tonight,” his dad commented. “Something interesting must have happened at school today.”

Jared shrugged. “Nothing really happened,” he lied. “Just another day.”

His parents didn’t look satisfied with that answer, but before they could respond, his younger sister launched into a story about how some girl in her class had been caught cheating on their latest math quiz. It didn’t bother him that Megan dominated the conversation, although it was sometimes frustrating that his parents seemed to let her. He loved his sister, but sometimes she just wouldn’t shut up. Maybe that was why his parents seemed to pay more attention to her than they did to him. Still, it could be worse. At least they didn’t freak out when he came out last year.

It wasn’t that his relationship with his parents was bad, rather he just wished that sometimes it could be better. He wished that he could go to them with anything, but he knew that if he mentioned Jensen, they would probably freak out and tell him that he shouldn’t be hanging around with someone who has a criminal record. Instead, Jared tried to work things through by himself.

***

Jared was running late the next morning and barely made it to school on time, which meant that he didn’t have a chance to talk to Jensen before class. Instead, he would have to wait until lunch. Yesterday, he had noticed that Jensen didn’t even come into the cafeteria, so Jared knew that he was going to have to take it upon himself to actually find him. He won’t going to wait another day to have a chance to talk with him again.

Throughout the whole morning he had tried to come up with a plan of what to actually say. By the time the lunch period started and students started making their way to the cafeteria, Jared was no closer to figuring out what to say.

First, though, he would have to find Jensen.

After checking the library, the auditorium, and the gym, Jared was forced to conclude that Jensen wasn’t in the building anymore. He took a chance and pushed open on of the doors leading to the back of the school and there was Jensen, sitting on the ground leaning against the building with his eyes closed.

Jared stopped, frozen in place and staring at Jensen. Jensen looked absolutely beautiful in this position and it was then that Jared realized he was in deep trouble. He had a crush on a kid that went to juvie. There was no way that this was going to end well, but Jensen was probably straight and Jared hoped that that would make things easier.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jared said, trying to keep his voice even.

Jensen opened his eyes and looked up, still squinting because of the bright sun. “What are you doing here?” Jensen asked.

“Uh, thought I’d come and…” Jared trailed off. He had no idea what to say, everything that he had planned to say this morning just left his brain. He could say that he was here to continue their conversation from that morning, the one where Jensen had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Jared because Jared was going to turn out just like everyone else. There really wasn’t a good way to continue that sentence.

Jensen just stared at Jared, a look of mild disbelief plastered across his face. “Come and what?”

“Are you… are you not eating?” Jared asked. He had just noticed the suspiciously absent lunch.

“What?” Jensen asked. “You trying to tell me that you came out here just to talk about my eating habits?”

“I, uh, I— No,” Jared said quickly. “I just noticed it and I don’t know. Look can we start over?”

“Ok, fine. Let’s start over,” Jensen said, clearly annoyed that Jared wouldn’t just leave him alone. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I mean,” Jared stuttered out, “we didn’t exactly finish our conversation from this morning.”

“I thought I made it very clear that it was over.”

“And I said that it wasn’t,” Jared said firmly. The only way that Jared was going to get through this conversation with Jensen is if he was firm.

Jensen rolled his eyes and said, “Why are you being so damn stubborn about all of this?”

“Why aren’t you eating?” Jared asked, trying to deflect and avoid answering Jensen’s question. The truth was that Jared din’t know why he was being so stubborn about all of this. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just let it go, but he knew that Jensen would never accept that kind of answer.

“I’m not hungry,” Jensen responded simply.

“I don’t buy that,” Jared said. “I think it’s a load of crap.”

“Well it’s the truth, whether you like it or not.”

“We’re both juniors and I’m starving all the time. My older brother was the same way and all of my friends are hungry all of the time. You can’t possibly not be hungry.”

“Ok, well if you don’t want to accept what I say, why don’t you just go back inside and leave me alone?” Jensen huffed.

Jared sighed. “Because I’m trying to be nice. You look like you don’t exactly have a lot of friends and I figured you could maybe use one.”

“Congratulations on your brilliant observation, Einstein. How about you just leave me alone? Ok?”

“You know what? Fine,” Jared snapped. If Jensen was going to act like this, there was no reason for Jared to keep wasting his time. “I was just trying to be nice, partially based on the advice you gave me the other day. You know try and get to know someone before you pass judgment? Remember when you told me that?” Jared took a breath, his eyes never leaving Jensen’s. “But if you don’t want me around, then fine. I don’t care, but just so you know, I think that it’s safe to say that people were right. You are just an asshole. Why should we bother getting to know you when we’re just going to be proved right?”

Jared turned on his heel, ready to go back into the school and find his friends. At least his friends wanted him around and didn’t treat him like dirt.

“I’m not an asshole,” Jensen mumbled. “People just think I’m one.”

Jared turned back around. “Prove it.”

With that, Jared went back inside and headed to the cafeteria, anxious to find his friends and talk about something, anything to get his mind off of what just happened.

***

Jensen watched as Jared walked away, back toward the school and undoubtedly toward people who didn’t treat him like an asshole. As Jensen sat there, he couldn’t help but think that maybe Jared was right. Maybe everyone was right and he was just an asshole. He certainly felt like one.

Jared may have been somewhat rude and incredibly blunt, but Jensen knew that he shouldn’t have snapped at Jared the way he did. Maybe Jared was telling the truth and was just trying to be nice. After all, Jared had waited for him for two days before school and managed to track him down during lunch. All of that was much more than Jensen had expected. He had expected Jared to act like any reasonable person and go back to ignoring him, but he didn’t. Jared was different. He didn’t run away screaming and instead tried to do something nice.

Maybe it was just because Jensen was so used to people not treating him well that he forgot what it felt like. It had definitely been awhile, but when you have a criminal record, it becomes difficult to make friends and keep them.

Yet, here Jared was, or rather there Jared was. It was that singular thought that Jensen kept coming back to. Jared came back, like he had actually attempted to make an effort to get to know him. It was more than anyone had done in a long time, so maybe he shouldn’t have been so hard on him.

God, he really felt like an asshole. Maybe all of those people were right.

Jensen didn’t want them to be right. However, he knew that if he just continued to ignore Jared, Jensen would just be proving them right. That meant one thing: he had to apologize to Jared. Jensen knew that that would be no easy task since Jared made it quite clear that he didn’t want to see him anymore, but Jensen knew that, at the very least, he owed Jared an apology. He didn’t know if Jared would forgive him, but he knew that he at least had to try.

***

Later that night while he was helping his mom make dinner, he still couldn’t stop thinking about Jared. After spending an entire afternoon, he still hadn’t decided if it was a good idea to let Jared in or not. Jensen knew that he would have to apologize, but that was the extent of it.

“Are you ok?” his mom asked.

Jensen looked up from the large pot of pasta sauce he was stirring. “Yeah, fine,” Jensen said. “Why?”

“You seem distracted.”

“Just a lot of stuff to think about,” Jensen said simply, returning his attention back to the pot. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his mom, but he wasn’t quite sure if she was the person he should be going to for advice, especially for something like this.

“Did something happen at school?” she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

“No, nothing like that,” Jensen said. He hated how she always assumed that he had somehow gotten in trouble, but he understood why.

“Then what is it?” she asked.

“It’s nothing,” Jensen said. “Just a conversation I had with someone today. It’s got me thinking.”

“Did someone give you a hard time?”

“Nah. He just — we talked like twice over the last couple of days and it’s just weird. It was like he actually wanted to be friends or something.”

“What’s wrong with that? You could use some more people in your life.”

Jensen sighed and looked up at his mom. “It’s just not that easy. He didn’t even pay any attention to me until our history teacher made us partners for that stupid paper I worked on all last weekend. Apparently now he thinks I’m some kind of genius or something. I don’t know.” It was great that she cared, but he had to admit that it was hard talking to her, or anyone really, about these kind of things. No one understood what he was going through.

“So what’s the problem then?”

“He just… When I first started, no one cared about me. All they did was pass rumors about what I did to get stuck with an ankle monitor and how I got stuck in juvie,” Jensen explained. “When I gave him my half of the paper, it was like he couldn’t believe that I actually did it and then the next day he felt the need to come up to me and tell me that I did a good job and that now all of the sudden he wants to get to know me. It’s just weird.”

“He sounds like a nice boy,” his mom commented and she started to take plates and glasses out of the cupboards. “I still don’t see what the problem is. It sounds like he’s trying to be nice.”

“And that’s just it,” Jensen said, turning back to the sauce that was starting to bubble. “He’s trying to be nice and be my friend, but what happens when it gets to be too much and he decides that enough is enough and that he can’t be friends with someone like that? I don’t want to go through that again.”

“Jensen,” his mom sighed. “I know you don’t want to go through that again, but you’re going to have to eventually be able to take a chance on someone. You’re going to have to let someone in eventually and this boy, what’s his name?”

“Jared.”

“Jared seems like he’s actually trying to get to know you. It sounds like he’s willing to look passed the things that most kids can’t.”

“I know, but I’m still…” Jensen was terrified that Jared would turn on him, but being terrified and admitting that you were terrified were two completely different things. He didn’t need his mom to know how scared he was. “I just don’t want to have this all blow up in my face.”

“I don’t want it to either, but you can’t stay locked away in your own world forever. You’re going to have to let people in eventually. This Jared seems like a good place to start.”

Jensen sighed. He knew his mom had a point, but he wasn’t sure if he was willing to admit that she was right. “Yeah,” Jensen said. “We’ll see.”

“Is he at least attractive?” his mom asked after a moment of silence.

“Mom!” He couldn’t believe that his mom had asked him that. At the same time, it felt great because she was asking about normal teenager stuff, not about what happened at his meeting with his probation officer.

She shrugged. “I was just asking. I know you don’t like girls and we were just talking about this boy who was being nice to you.”

“I am not having this conversation with you,” Jensen said, laughing.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s kind of weird talking to my mom about those kinds of things.”

She shook her head, smiling slightly. “Just go get your sister so we can eat dinner.”

“Fine,” Jensen said. For the first time in a long time, it felt like his relationship with his mom was finally getting back to normal.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day, Jared was sitting in his history class, trying to take notes and pay attention to Mr. Trudeau’s lecture on the Zimmerman Telegram and its ramifications. It should have been an interesting topic, but Jared couldn’t bring himself to care. Chad was finally back after being out sick for the last three days and took it upon himself to make up for all of the dull lunch conversations that had transpired in his absence. Jared didn’t mind because after three days, it was a nice change of pace.

It was nearing the end of the class period and there were only ten more minutes to go. Almost done, Jared told himself, almost done.

“Before we end class today, I want to give you some time to meet with your partners and discuss your progress,” Mr. Trudeau announced. Jared forced himself to suppress a groan. Meeting with his project partner meant that he would actually have to speak to Jensen again. After the last few attempts Jared had made, he was hoping he wouldn’t have to have another conversation with Jensen again. 

“You might remember that you have just over a week to complete it. That should be plenty of time, provided that you have all been working on it diligently already.” Jared glanced at Jensen just in time to see the smirk that crossed his face. Jared wasn’t surprised. Jensen finished his half of the project in record time. “So, take this time, meet with your partners and get a strategy going if you haven’t already. I’m happy to answer any questions if you have them. Let’s get to it.”

Chairs and desks scraped across the floor as people moved around the room to get to their partners. Neither Jared, nor Jensen had moved. Jared huffed in annoyance, but stood up and walked over toward Jensen’s desk anyway. 

“I thought we were done?” Jensen said, looking up at him.

“You might be, but I’m still working on it,” Jared snapped, slightly annoyed by Jensen’s remark. Just because Jensen was a genius and had no social life didn’t mean he was all high and mighty.

“Oh,” Jensen said softly. “Do you need any help? I could take another—“

“I can finish myself.” Maybe that sounded a little harsh, but Jared couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Jensen had proved he was an asshole and nothing was going to change Jared’s mind. Not even Jensen offering to help on the project. Although Jared had to admit that it was tempting. He couldn’t deny that Jensen had done a spectacular job on his half and it would probably help Jared if Jensen took on some more work, but he refused to let himself accept Jensen’s help.

“Uh, look, Jared,” Jensen said after a few moments of tense, awkward silence. “I wanted to say I was sorry. You were right. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve to be talked to like that.”

Jared did a double take and stared at Jensen. There was no way he could have heard that right. “What?”

“Do I really have to say it again?”

He just wasn’t able to wrap his head around it. Jensen, this person that Jared had been convinced was an asshole, had actually just apologized. To Jared. He didn’t know how to respond. His mind was having a difficult time working with his mouth. “You seriously just apologized?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

“Yeah…“ Jared started to say, when a sudden thought passed through his head. “Are you just apologizing because you think that’s what I want?”

Jensen was silent for a brief moment, but then said, “Kind of. I mean, yeah, I know that you wanted an apology, but you were right. I was an asshole and was out of line. So I’m apologizing cause both of us think it’s a good idea.”

If Jared didn’t know how to respond before, it was nothing like how he was feeling now. He was more confused than ever. “Wow, I…I—“ Jared started to stutter out. Before he could say anymore, Mr. Trudeau was standing right but their desk.

“How’s everything going, boys?” Mr. Trudeau asked.

“Great,” Jared said, perhaps a little too quickly.

“Any questions?” 

Jared and Jensen both shook their heads and Mr. Trudeau looked between them, expecting one of them to actually say something. “Ok, well, then, keep it up,” Mr. Trudeau said, awkwardly before moving on to the next group.

Jensen let out a laugh.

“What?” Jared asked.

“That was something. Think he was pissed because we didn’t have any questions?”

“Probably,” Jared agreed, “and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I have to agree with you.”

“Why’s that so hard to believe?” Jensen asked. His demeanor changing slightly, but he stayed relatively calm.

“Well, I…I just meant that…” Jared said, but then he realized that there was no way what he was going to say would come out right. He was going to say because Jensen was in juvie and they are nothing alike, but he knew that if he said that, they would be right back at square one and that was definitely not where he wanted to be.

“I get it,” Jensen sighed.

“You do?”

Jensen stared at him. “Just because I went to juvie doesn’t mean that I’m not stupid.”

“So you did go to juvie?”

Jared could see the confusion on your face. “Come on, even you had to know that. It’s all over the school.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I ever had concrete proof. I mean all I had to go on was a bunch of rumors and those aren’t always the most reliable. I mean, last year there was a rumor that the principal took off on a Thursday so he could go see that Green Day musical on Broadway. Turns out, he was just visiting another high school,” Jared explained. “But people believed it. At least until he came back and set the record straight.”

“Wow, I guess people will believe anything around here,” Jensen commented. “But you didn’t believe that I went to juvie?”

“I guess I was trying to withhold my judgment,” Jared said.

Jensen cracked a smile. “Now I think you’re just lying to me.”

“Not lying,” Jared promised. At least it was mostly true. He had convincing evidence and at a time believed it to be true, but part of him had always wondered if it wasn’t just another crazy rumor that was being fed through the school. 

“Hmm,” Jensen said. “You must be better than I gave you credit for.”

The bell rang, halting any further attempts at conversation and Jared had to admit that he was disappointed. After actually talking to Jensen, not just talking at him and having Jensen deflect every question, he was starting to feel like maybe he could actually be friends with the guy. Maybe he was wrong and Jensen really wasn’t the asshole everyone, including Jared for a time, thought he was. It was definitely looking to be a possibility.

Jensen and Jared both walked out of the classroom, but went their separate ways towards their own lockers and their own classes.

By the end of the day, Jared had decided that he was going to go see Jensen at lunch again. This time, it wasn’t because he was trying to be a nice person, but because he actually wanted to. Once Jensen let his guard down and actually had a conversation, he could be a nice person and that was someone that Jared could be friends with.

Unfortunately, that would have to wait until Monday.

***

On Friday afternoon, Jensen walked home from school, glad to have survived another week. He turned the corner onto his street and was surprised to find his brother’s car in their driveway. Jensen’s mood quickly improved as he started walking a little faster. 

Jensen pushed the door open and called out, “Josh?”

“In the kitchen,” he called back.

Jensen toed off his shoes and dropped his backpack on the ground and headed into the kitchen. Josh was standing with the refrigerator door wide open and staring inside. “Hey!” Jensen said.

Josh spun around. “Hey, Jensen,” he said, pushing the door closed. “How’s it going?”

Jensen shrugged. “I’m alright. How’s school?”

“Ugh,” Josh said. “I do not want to think about that. I keep telling myself it’s only two more years, but that’s still a long time.”

Jensen nodded, unsure of what to say. It was tough listening to Josh complain about college because that was just another part of normal life that he probably wouldn’t get to experience. Jensen tried not to dwell on it. “So what are you doing here?”

“I told you that I’d come and spend a weekend with you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, “but I didn’t think that that meant this weekend. You just kinda said it like a suggestion, but never actually committed to anything.” 

“Yeah, well, I’m here,” Josh said. “When’s mom get home?”

“Usually not for another hour at least. She has to work til four and then goes and picks up Kenzie.”

“So then what do you do until she gets home?”

“Homework mostly,” Jensen said. “There ain’t much else I can do.”

“But you’re staying out of trouble?” 

Jensen fought to suppress a groan. He knew that his brother would ask, but it still hurt because it just reinforced his knowledge that his brother didn’t trust him. Jensen couldn’t blame him. After everything that happened before and now his recent suspension, Josh had every reason to worry about him. “Yeah,” Jensen finally said. “There’s been nothing since that suspension.”

There were several long, awkward, tense moments where neither brother said anything. There really wasn’t anything to say. As much as Jensen didn’t want to discuss it, he knew that at some point this weekend he was going to have to have a long talk with Josh where Josh would once again remind him to behave and how important it is that he stay out of trouble. Jensen didn’t need the lecture, but that wasn’t going to stop Josh. The only thing to decide was whether Jensen wanted to deal with this lecture now or later.

“So what do you want to do this weekend?” Josh asked. 

That solved that problem. They would have their talk later. 

“Uh,” Jensen said. “Doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Well what do you normally do?”

“Homework,” Jensen said. “But that doesn’t take as long as it used to. Other than that, I mostly just read. It’s not like I can really go out and do things.”

“Hmm,” Josh said. “How about I go to the store tonight and I can rent us some movies, pick up a bunch of junk food, and we’ll just hang out?”

“Works for me.” Anything to break up the hours of monotony he was used too.

***

The weekend passed way to fast for Jensen’s liking. It was great having Josh back and being bale to spend some time with someone new. As expected, before Josh left, he had given Jensen a speech reminding him to stay out of trouble. Jensen didn’t need reminding, but he let Josh give him the speech anyway and promised that he would do his best to stay out of trouble.

***

The next day at lunch, Jensen went to his normal spot, just like he always did. It was a nice break from everything else that was happening in the school and gave Jensen a place to clear his head.

“Hey, Jensen,” a voice said.

Jensen turned and there was Jared walking toward him. That was definitely unexpected. “Jared?” he asked.

“Yeah. Is it ok that I’m here?” he asked slowly, seeming very unsure of himself and no doubt feeling out of place.

“Uh yeah,” Jensen said. He wasn’t going to pass up company and after talking in class last week, Jared wasn’t really that bad. “Have a seat.” Jensen scooted over slightly, making a little bit more room for Jared.

“Thanks,” Jared said as he sat down next to Jensen. 

Both boys sat in silence for a few moments, as neither knew quite what to say. Jensen had spent almost every lunch period alone since he transferred and before that he was in juvie, which was a completely different game. He had no idea what he could say or how he could even ask Jared to start a conversation.

“Uh, Jared?” Jensen finally asked. “Can I ask why you’re here?”

Jared shrugged. “I figured since that you apologized on Friday that I could, and should, finally take you up on that suggestion to get to know you.”

“Oh,” Jensen said. It wasn’t the answer he expected, but he it was one that he could definitely live with. The only problem was that Jensen didn’t know how to proceed from this point. It was one thing to say that Jared should get to know him before passing judgment and something else entirely when Jared was actually sitting next to him. Jensen missed the days when he was younger and it was so easy to make new friends. Now, everything was just so much more complicated and he hated it.

“So, um,” Jared asked. “How are you?”

“Really?” Jensen replied. “You’re going to start there? Out of all of the things you could say, you’re going to go with ‘how are you’?”

“Well I don’t know. It didn’t seem like you were going to start anything and…” Jared trailed off.

That was true. Jensen didn’t really know where to start either, so his attempts were probably not going to be much better than Jared’s. If he would have been forced to start the conversation, he would have probably also said a generic ‘How are you’ to try and get the conversation going. “Yeah, but I’m doing ok,” Jensen said. “You?”

“Pretty good. I’m actually getting close to finishing my half of that history project.”

“That’s great!”

“You’re just saying that,” Jared said. “You’ve had your part done for almost a week now.”

“Well, like I said before,” Jensen explained. “It’s not like I really have anything else to do.”

“You don’t go anywhere or anything?”

“Can’t,” Jensen said simply. He didn’t want to go into details, but figured that Jared was smart enough to connect the dots himself. 

“What? Oh, right,” Jared said, proving Jensen’s assumption. It seemed like Jared had completely forgotten about the fact that Jensen was forced to wear an ankle monitor and Jensen couldn’t wrap his head around it. How could someone just forget that he had an ankle monitor? Jensen couldn’t forget, no matter how hard he tried. It was always there, constantly reminding him of his past and that he was still paying the price for his decisions that day.

“But you said you’re almost done?” Jensen said, deciding that it was better to change the subject than to keep dwelling on it in awkward silence.

“Yeah. I just have to write about some of the things he did after his presidency and then it should be done.”

Jensen, not for the first time, realized that he wasn’t given exactly half of the project. “You know that we could have split it a little more evenly?”

“Yeah, well,” Jared mumbled. “I didn’t know if I could trust you.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Jensen said. “I get it. This kid from juvie shows up and becomes your history partner. Of course you’re going to think that he’s not going to do his half.”

“Is that what you would have thought?”

“Before,” Jensen answered honestly. Before everything happened, Jensen had a different outlook on life, but after that day, so many things changed and he was forced to reevaluate a lot. One of the biggest things was he had to learn that he couldn’t just judge people based on the little information he knew about them. It just wasn’t fair and he sure didn’t want people to do it to him. Now he made an effort not to do it. It didn’t always happen, but he knew that it was happening a lot more frequently.

“What was it like before?” Jared asked, somewhat hesitantly. 

“Different. Very different,” Jensen said. “I don’t like to think about it.” It was just too painful. All it did was remind him of everything he had lost and everything he had been forced to give up. It reminded him of how he had hurt his mother and all of the disappointment and he just hated it, but that didn’t stop him from actually thinking about it

“I’m sorry,” Jared said.

“It’s not your fault. I mean, it was my own fault for getting sucked into everything,” Jensen said. “Look, can we—can we talk about something else?” Anything would be a better topic than this.

Jared stared at him and then looked around again. Jensen was trying to figure out what he was looking for. “You don’t have a lunch again,” Jared commented.

“We’re not going there again. It’s like I said yesterday,” Jensen explained. “I’m not hungry.” He didn’t want to explain to Jared that he didn’t eat because he was saving the money he got for lunch to give back to his mom. He didn’t know if he trusted Jared that much yet.

“Ok, sure.” Jensen could tell that Jared didn’t believe him. He couldn’t even believe himself when he said he wasn’t hungry. 

Again, Jared and Jensen were left sitting in silence. Why was it so hard to strike up a conversation and keep it going? It was as if the only thing the could talk about was their history paper. That wasn’t going to last forever. Eventually they were going to have to find a a new topic if they wanted to keep seeing each other.

“I don’t really know what else to say,” Jensen admitted.

“Me either. I mean, I want to get to know you, like you said, but I don’t really know what to say. Does that make sense?”

“It’s fine. I get it, I mean, you’re the first person at this school to actually treat me like a person, so that’s gotta count for something.”

“You haven’t made any other friends?”

“Jared, I’m the new kid who was just released from juvie,” Jensen said. “Why would anyone want to be friends with me?”

“I mean, I can’t really say much,” Jared admitted. “I mean, you know.”

“Yeah, I do, and I don’t blame you. Like I said, before, I probably would have done the same thing and acted the exact same way. It’s just different now.”

There was an awkwardness hung in the air for the rest of the lunch period as neither boy knew what to say. Jensen hated himself for it. Granted, if he hadn’t screwed up and gotten thrown in juvie, he wouldn’t even be sitting here right now. He would still be at St. Joseph’s and maybe his dad would have come back. But you couldn’t change the past, no matter how much you wanted to. Instead you were forced to live with those decisions.

The bell finally rang, ending the strange lunch period.

“I guess I’ll see you in class,” Jared said.

“Well, since we have the next class together, I would hope so.”

***

The next day, Jensen didn’t want get his hopes up too much, but he was hoping that Jared would join him for lunch again. He had to keep reminding himself that Jared had other friends, people who he had known longer, and he would probably much rather spend time with them than with Jensen. 

Jared was about the closest person that Jensen had to a friend at this school. Although, if Jensen was honest, he wouldn’t mind if Jared would become more than a friend someday, but Jensen knew that would never happen. Jared was straight, which meant anything more than friendship was out of the question. Besides, Jensen didn’t know if he could consider Jared a friend yet.

At the start of the lunch period, Jensen headed to his normal spot, away from all the other students. He purposely made sure to leave enough room for Jared, if he decided to show up. Jensen had to resist the urge to not keep checking his watch. Jared would come if he was going to come and no amount of passing time was going to change that. 

Finally, over five full minutes after the lunch period started, when Jensen was about to give up hope, he heard the door open. He knew that it was Jared.

“Hey, Jensen.”

“Hey!” He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. 

“Can I sit?” Jared asked.

“Absolutely.” Jensen tried not to seem too eager, but it wasn’t easy. He was excited, but he didn’t want to scare off Jared.

Jared flopped down on the ground next to Jensen. He scanned the area and said, “No lunch again?”

“Are we going to have to do this everyday?” Jensen asked. It was getting exhausting. He didn’t have a lunch and wasn’t going to have one. It was just how it worked out. “I’m not hungry.” 

“Are you sure? I can give you some money, it’s not a big deal.”

“I’m fine,” Jensen insisted. Unfortunately, Jensen’s stomach betrayed him. It growled loud enough for Jared to hear it. 

Jared rolled his eyes. “Sure,” he said, “you’re not hungry.” He opened his bag, pulled out a sandwich and held it out for Jensen.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s your lunch.”

“And you’re obviously hungry,” Jared said, still holding the sandwich out in front of him. “Take it, unless you have a problem with ham and cheese.”

Reluctantly, Jensen grabbed the offering. “Thanks,” he mumbled. 

“It’s not a problem,” Jared said. “I tend to pack a lot for lunch.” He dumped the contents of his bag and Jensen eyes widened. There was a whole other sandwich, plus some chips, an apple, and two cookies. 

“You weren’t kidding.”

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal,” Jared said. 

Jensen ate his sandwich, savoring every bite. There was nothing special about it, but it tasted so good. Maybe it was because Jensen had become so used to skipping lunch that actually having something to eat was amazing. 

“Jared?” Jensen asked, after swallowing a large bite of sandwich. “Why did you come out here again?” As much as Jensen wanted Jared to come out by him, he had to know if Jared was doing it because he wanted to or if it was out of pity. Didn’t he have other friends that he would rather spend time with?

“You know, I’m not really sure,” he said. Jensen felt his heart drop. He had been hoping that Jared would say something along the lines of he liked spending time with him. “But, I don’t know. I figured that you would be out here.” 

“That’s not really an answer,” Jensen argued. It was better than what Jensen had prepared himself for, but it didn’t really answer his question.  
Jared just shrugs. “I could use a change of pace. Does that work better for you?”

“I guess, but what’s so bad about what you did before that you had to come out here?”

“It’s not bad,” Jared said. “Like I said, it’s just a change of pace. Besides, I know what it’s like being the new kid and having to eat lunch by yourself.”

Basically, Jared was pitying him and that was the last thing he needed. “So you took it upon yourself to eat with me? Make it so that the weird new kid doesn’t have to eat lunch alone?”

“Look, I transferred back in middle school. It was like what, five years ago maybe? I don’t know exactly,” Jared said. “We used to live in San Antonio, but my dad’s company transferred him and we all packed up an left, so my brother and sister and I switched schools and started here. I mean, it was awkward at first. It always sucks being the new kid, but I eventually made some friends and it got better.”

“You have a brother and sister?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, my brother Jeff is older, but Megan is younger than me and then I’m just stuck in the middle.”

“I know the feeling,” Jensen mumbled. That was how it had been before. Jensen was just in the middle while his parents tried to figure out everything with Josh and tried to keep up with Mackenzie. Now that Jensen had spent time in juvie, things had changed and Jensen wasn’t so much stuck in the middle as he was put center stage so his mom could worry about him the most.

“You have siblings?”

“Older brother and younger sister,” Jensen said. He refused to give anymore detail than that, still not knowing if he could trust Jared. Every piece of information he gave up made him feel like he was tearing down part of the walls that he had worked so hard to put up.

“Huh,” Jared said. “I guess that’s something else we have in common.”

“What are you keeping track or something?”

“Not keeping track,” Jared said. “Just observing. It’s different.”

“Whatever you say.” Jensen wasn’t completely convinced, but he let it go. There were too many other things to think about.

“So,” Jared said. “Now that you’ve been here for awhile. What do you think?”

“Really?”

“Well, I don’t know what else to say.”

Jensen felt the same way, so while he did think that Jared’s question was stupid, it was better than anything Jensen would have asked. “It’s different. I mean, it’s nothing like where I was before, but it’s better than juvie.”

“Where were you before?”

Jensen did a double take before realizing that Jared didn’t want to talk about juvie, but where he was before juvie. It was as if Jared was going to look past that period of Jensen’s life. “Uh, St. Joseph’s,” he admitted. He always hated admitting that he went there because it was just a reminder of how far he had fallen. He used to be a stereotypical private school kid. He was smart, took advanced class, and was extremely well behaved. Then everything changed.

“St. Joseph’s?” Jared asked. “That really fancy private school in Dallas that everyone wants their kids to go to?”

“Uh yeah. My brother graduated from there and my sister and I were there, but they kicked me out once I got arrested so here I am.”

“Wow,” Jared said. “I can’t even imagine going somewhere like that.”

Jensen shrugged. “It wasn’t bad. I mean that’s where all my friends were. It was the same group of people I had been in school with since kindergarten, but then I had to transfer and well….”

“I kind of know the feeling.”

“What?”

“Well I didn’t go to St. Joseph’s, or any private school for that matter,” Jared explained, “but then we had to move because of my dad’s job and I had to transfer schools. I left everyone else behind and it kind of sucked. I mean, the friends I had back there were my same friends since kindergarten, so in a way, I kind of know what you were going through.”

“Kinda,” Jensen said. It definitely wasn’t the same, but Jensen wasn’t going to get into it with Jared. Maybe another time.

“It sucks being the new kid,” Jared said. “I’m just happy that we haven’t had to move again. It was miserable.”

“I’d imagine.” Actually, he had moved. He hadn’t helped at all since he had been in juvie, but towards the end of his sentence, his mom and his siblings had packed up everything and moved to Austin with the goal of giving Jensen a fresh start when he got out. His little sister had had to transfer to a different school, but so far, she seemed to be doing ok. A lot better than he was, but she didn’t have to deal with all of the extra stuff Jensen did. Not to mention she was younger and it always seemed to be easier to make friends when you were younger.

“So, um,” Jared said. “You’re from Dallas?”

“Right on the outskirts, but yeah. We all lived their, but then…” Jensen shook his head. “My mom and my sister moved down here while I was inside and this was the school closest to our house.” 

“That’s how I ended up here too. The school’s not that far from our house,” Jared explained. “Although my mom wanted us to go to this other school on the other end of town.”

“Why?” Jensen asked. Anything to keep him from having to talk about his family’s move.

“Mom was saying something about how that school was better for academics or something. I don’t really know and since I was in middle school at the time, I didn’t really pay attention,” Jared said. “I was still pretty mad at them for making us move.”

They made small talk for the rest of the lunch period, talking about nothing of importance, but for Jensen it was still talking with someone. Specifically, he was able to talk to someone who actually wanted to talk to him and was interested in what he had to say and that definitely counted for something.

The bell rang and the two boys stood up. “Thanks again for the sandwich,” Jensen said. It meant more to him than just food in his stomach. Instead, it was a gesture that made Jensen realize that maybe people could look beyond his past mistakes. That was quite an exciting thought, even if it was just only one person for now, but, Jensen figured he had to start somewhere, even if it was just with one person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left any kind of feedback on this. I really, really appreciate it and hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the tags, since I had completely forgotten about this when I first started posting. If there's anything else that comes up as I post, I'll be sure to update them.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and commenting!

After those first few days, a tradition was started. Jensen would head out behind the school when the lunch period started and shortly after that, Jared would join him, bringing his enormous lunch with him.

“I’m a growing boy,” Jared argued.

“You don’t need to get any bigger,” Jensen retorted. Jared was already a few inches taller than Jensen, and Jensen had always considered himself tall (until he met Jared).

Instead of bringing two sandwiches, Jared started bringing three and more chips. He would always give Jensen a sandwich and offer some chips to make sure that Jensen would at least have something to eat during the lunch period. 

“You don’t have to keep doing that,” Jensen said. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, but you should have something to eat. Lunch is important.”

“But you don’t have to keep bringing me lunch. Besides, what does your mom think when she sees you packing this much food?”

“I don’t think she really pays that much attention, to tell you the truth. After Jeff, my mom doesn’t really care what we eat because she knows that no matter what I’m going to be hungry again later. So me bringing an extra sandwich everyday is no big deal.”

“But if it becomes an issue, you’ll stop?” Jensen asked.

“Would it make you feel better if I said yes?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. If my mom ever asks me about the amount of food I bring to school, which she won’t, I will stop bringing extra just for you,” Jared promised.

Conversations seemed to feel less awkward and more natural. There were less periods of silence and instead more conversations about other things. Jensen learned more about Jared’s family, as well as some of his friends, even though Jensen had yet to meet them. It had taken some convincing to not be introduced. Their friendship was still young and Jensen didn’t want Jared’s friends to turn on him. It was just easier this way. 

Jared also kept Jensen up to date on the latest rumors in the school. Thanks to Chad’s obsession with them, Jared always new the hottest piece of gossip, which he would always pass on to Jensen, although sometimes with a little bit more explanation and context. It gave Jensen else something to think about and, more importantly, it meant that people were focusing their attention on someone else instead of him. It was a win-win all around.

Jensen didn’t speak much about his family, but Jared did learn that Jensen was incredibly well read. 

“There’s not much else to do,” Jensen told him one day. “I can’t really leave my house except for school, so I’m pretty much left to books and movies, and movies tend to get boring after awhile. Plus, it’s kind of a left over habit.”

“What do you mean?” Jared asked. “From St. Joseph’s?”

“From I was in juvie,” Jensen mumbled. He hated thinking about juvie or even mentioning it, but things seemed different with Jared. After all, Jared had already proven that he was different than the others when he hadn’t run away screaming.

“So you just read?”

“Basically.”

“What do you read? Anything special?” Jared asked. He tried to coax a little bit of information from Jensen everyday, trying to learn more about him. It was a slow process since Jensen didn’t give a lot of information willingly, but he had learned a lot more than he had known before, and that had to count for something. 

“Whatever I can get my hands on,” Jensen said. That had been the truth. When Jensen was in juvie, he had read his way through most of the library, reading whatever he could get his hands on. It helped to pass the time since movies weren’t as available has he would have liked. So while the other kids played cards or whatever else they did, Jensen would read, keeping his nose firmly planted in a book to stay out of trouble. Now that he was out of juvie, he continued working his way through the school library. Every Friday afternoon, he would stop at the school’s library to return his books and check out a new stack.

“But you have to have a favorite,” Jared said.

Jensen thought for a moment. “I don’t know. I started _Journey to the Center of the Earth_ last night and that one’s been pretty good. Oh, and I read some _Sherlock Holmes_ a couple weeks ago, which was absolutely fantastic.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever read either of them,” Jared admitted.

“You’re missing out,” Jensen said. It didn’t matter. Besides, Jared probably had plenty of other things to do with his time than sitting around and reading all day.

“Maybe one day I’ll read them,” Jared said.

“Yeah,” Jensen said, not really believing that Jared actually would.

The lunch arrangement worked out well for both boys. Jensen finally had someone new that he could talk to, even if he didn’t go into many details with Jared. Jared, on the other hand, got his much needed change of pace.

Jensen often asked about Jared’s friends and how they were taking it. “I mean, you’ve been spending all of your lunch periods with me and not with them.”

Jared had shrugged. “I mean, I’m still friends with them and I still see them, but I told them that I was branching out and meeting some new people.”

“And they were ok with that?” Jensen asked.

“They didn’t really say much,” Jared explained. “But like I said, I still see them on the weekends, and it’s like nothing has changed, so I’m not really worried about it.”

Jensen couldn’t help but feel slightly envious of Jared He got to have multiple friends, people who liked him enough to be ok even when he wasn’t spending time with them, but he understood. However, Jensen was able to look passed that because he was happier than he had been in a long time. Even his mom noticed that something was different.

“I don’t know,” she said. “You just seem a lot happier lately.”

“I made a friend at school.” As soon as he said it, he realized how truly pathetic it had sounded. He was seventeen years old and getting all excited simply because he made a friend at school. It was official. He was pathetic.

“That’s great!” she said. “It’s good that you’re making friends.”

“Friend,” Jensen correct. “Just one.”

“But even so, that’s better than before. I’m just happy that you found someone your own age to talk to.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “Me too.” Even he could agree that Jared was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. His mom didn’t have to know any of the details, but she knew enough. At least she knew that he was happy.

Even better for Jensen, he was staying out of trouble. There hadn’t been anymore fights or anything else that would have spelled trouble for him. His probation officer seemed pleased with his progress and told him to keep it up, constantly reminding him of what would happen if he did get into trouble. Jensen tried to keep those words in the back of his mind at all times. He really didn’t want to go back, especially now that actually had a friend on the outside.

The one thing that neither boy talked about, or even acknowledged, was their crush on the other. 

Jared was forever convinced that Jensen was straight and although he was friends with Jensen, he didn’t know how it would be dating a kid who spent time in juvie. Granted, that would never happen because Jensen was straight. At least that was something he didn’t have to worry about.

Jensen, meanwhile, didn’t want to think about dating. There were too many other things in the way of that, his ankle monitor and past criminal record being the biggest issues. Besides, Jared was straight and wouldn’t be interested in someone like him. Friendship was one thing, but dating someone was a totally different ball game. So for now, Jensen just continued to worry about staying out of trouble.

***

Jared pushed open the back door to the school with his and Jensen’s lunch in hand. Just like always, Jensen was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall. His head rested against the building and his eyes were closed. Not for the first time, Jared caught himself thinking about how gorgeous Jensen was. He quickly shook his head as if it would actually push the thoughts out.

He dropped the sandwich directly into Jensen’s lap and watched as Jensen’s eyes flew open.

“Nice of you to join me,” Jared said. “Nice nap.”

“Wasn’t sleeping,” Jensen mumbled. “Thanks.” He motioned to the sandwich. Jared still wondered why Jensen never had any food, but he tried not to think about it. Jensen would tell him when he was ready. 

It had been one of the most important things he had learned about Jensen. Jensen wasn’t going to reveal any information until he was good and ready. That wasn’t a bad thing, but it didn’t help to curb Jared’s curiosity. Instead, Jared just tried to be thankful for the rest of the information Jensen had been willing to share. It wasn’t much, but Jared knew that it was more than most people, probably even some of the administrators, knew about Jensen. 

“You’re welcome,” Jared said. It really wasn’t a big deal. Besides, his mom didn’t even seem to notice the two extra pieces of bread that were disappearing everyday. “I finished it.”

“Finished what?” Jensen asked before taking a large bite of his sandwich.

“ _Journey to the Center of the Earth_ ,” Jared said. Jensen had been pestering him to read it for weeks and this past weekend, Jared finally sat down and read it.

“Really? You finally read it?” 

“Yeah.”

“And?” Jensen prompted eagerly. Jared didn’t think he had ever seen Jensen like this. He was so interested to here what Jared had to say and he had to admit, it was kind of adorable.

“It was a lot better than I thought it was going to be.”

“I told you it would be good.”

“I told you, I’m just not that big into science fiction,” Jared said.

Jensen shrugged. “That’s because you haven’t read any of the really good, classic stuff”

“Ok, since you’re the expert here, what do I have to read next?”

Jensen did a double take. Did Jared just say what Jensen thought he said? “Next?”

“Well, so far I’ve liked every book you’ve recommended to me.”

“There’s only been one,” Jensen said slowly.

“Yeah, but I figure there’s probably more, so come on. What’s next?”

“I mean, there’s a couple books you could—“ Jensen stopped, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. The door that lead back into the school had opened. Even Jared had to admit it was unusual. They had been coming out here for almost two months and had yet to see anyone else back here.

“Yeah, no one’ll catch us, it’ll be fine,” a voice said. Jared didn’t recognize it, but he was pretty sure that whoever had come through the door wasn’t expecting anyone else to be here.

“You sure?” a different, much more feminine, voice asked.

“Positive, no one—“ two people walked around the corner, a boy and a girl. Jared recognized them immediately as Jennifer Parker and Charlie Graham. “Oh.” When they saw other people there, they hastily shoved something into their pockets, out of sight. Jared had a pretty good idea of what it was. 

“Can I help you?” Jared asked, once it was clear that neither Jennifer nor Charlie were going to say anything.

“What are you doing back here with him?” Charlie asked, the disgust evident in his voice. “Are you like friends or something?” 

“Does it matter?” Jared asked.

“Why would you want to spend time with him?” Jennifer asked. “He’s so weird.”

“He’s sitting right here,” Jared retorted. Sure, Jared had thought the same thing back when he witnessed Jensen’s fight with Mike and Tom, but after spending several weeks worth of lunch periods, he was proven incredibly wrong. He may not have stood up for Jensen then, but he definitely was going to now.

“Why are you defending him? Are you like dating?” Jennifer asked.

“Fucking queers,” Charlie mumbled. 

Jared blinked and all of the sudden Jensen was on his feet glaring at the boy. “Back off,” he growled. Jared quickly jumped to his feet, ready to pull Jensen back if needed. The last thing he wanted was to see Jensen have to spend even more time in suspension, or even worse, expelled.

“Don’t have to worry. Wouldn’t want to spend time with your kind anyway,” Charlie said. 

Jared saw what was going to happen right before it actually did. He grabbed Jensen’s arms, preventing him from lunging forward and attacking Charlie. Jensen seemed momentarily stunned to find that something was holding him back, but he kept fighting to get out of Jared’s grip.

Jared continued to hold on as tight as he could. “Come on, Jensen. It’s not worth it,” Jared said. “Please.”

“Yeah,” Jennifer said, “listen to your boyfriend.” 

“And stay away from us. We’ll make sure to let everyone else know to stay away from you to,” Charlie spat. “Fucking disgusting queers.”

“You tell everyone that and I’ll tell Mr. Chambers that you were out here doing drugs,” Jared threatened. He didn’t know where that burst of courage to came from, but right now he wasn’t going to question it. He needed every ounce he could get.

Jennifer and Charlie had looks of mild horror plastered upon their faces. “I saw you hide the bag,” Jared said, hoping that it would be enough to get Jennifer and Charlie to leave them alone.

“Fine, we’ll leave, but don’t breath a word,” Charlie said.

“Only if you do the same,” Jared said.

“Fine,” Jennifer said.

“Fucking queers,” Charlie mumbled again. 

Jennifer and Charlie turned and walked away. Once Jared was sure that they weren’t coming back, he loosened his grip on Jensen. “You need to calm down,” Jared said. He wasn’t sure what else to say, but Jensen was still breathing heavily and still looked like he was ready to attack someone. “Jensen, please.”

Jared watched as Jensen forced himself to take several deep breaths. His breathing became calmer and his muscles started to relax. Jared felt himself let out a breath of relief. Jensen was calming down. It was going to be ok. “Jensen?”

“They’re right you know,” Jensen mumbled. 

“What on earth are you talking about?” Jared was officially confused. “They’re just a bunch of idiots. All they said was that we were dating and that’s not true, so I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“I’m gay,” Jensen mumbled. It was so soft that Jared barely heard it, but as soon as it registered, he had to do a double take. Had Jensen just come out to him? Was that really what had just happened?

“What?” Jared asked stupidly.

“Look, you were gonna find out sooner or later and if that’s going to be a problem, you can just fuck off right now,” Jensen said, still refusing to meet Jared’s eyes. “I’m not going to stick around if you have some kind of issue with that.”

Jared didn’t leave. He stood there trying to process everything Jensen had just said and everything that had just happened over the last five minutes. Even though he had been there and witnessed everything, he still couldn’t completely wrap his head around everything.

“I’m not going to leave,” Jared finally said.

Jensen turned and looked Jared in the eyes. “You’re not?”

“I’m not,” Jared said, shaking his head. He could have sworn that he saw the hint of a smile on Jensen’s face. 

“Why? Everyone else runs away, why not you?”

“Because,” Jared said slowly. “It’d be kind of hypocritical since I’m gay.” Jared watched as Jensen’s eyes widened. He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “Is  
that really so hard to believe?”

“Kinda. Just figured you were…” Jensen trailed off. “Nevermind.” 

Jared and Jensen stood in silence for a few moments, neither quite knowing what to say. Jared took the time to try, once again, to get his mind around everything that had just happened. It wasn’t an easy feat.

“Hey, Jared?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah?”

“Does anyone know? I mean have you told anyone else yet?”

“My parents and my older brother know, but that’s about it,” Jared said. “Well, and now you. It’s a pretty exclusive list.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “When you came out, did your parents…did your parents take it ok?”

“Yeah. I mean they took it about as well as they could,” Jared explained. Truth be told, his parents had reacted a lot better than he was expecting. He had been fearing the worst, but he had been incredibly surprised when they took it as well as they did. “They were supportive, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Great,” Jensen said softly. “That’s great.”

“Your parents?” Jared asked. “Do they know?”

“Yeah, but I don’t really want to talk about it.” Jared got the feeling that Jensen’s parents hadn’t taken it quite as well as his own did. He couldn’t help but wonder if that had part of the reason that Jensen was the way he was. After this, Jared was pretty sure that Jensen got into trouble because of some kind of fight, but he wouldn’t know for sure until he asked him, but now was neither the time, nor the place. That could wait for now. Instead, Jared wondered if Jensen had started fighting because of what happened when he came out, but like most of Jared’s questions, now was neither the time nor the place for them. 

The conversation had become silent again, something they hadn’t experienced in a long time. But after an encounter like that, neither were really surprised that the conversation just kind of died. Both were left with their own thoughts and neither said much for the rest of the lunch period. 

When the bell finally rang, they got up, collected their things and went their separate ways only to end up in the same room for their first class after lunch. Jared and Jensen each sat in their unassigned seat and paid no attention to the other as each was still too wrapped up in their own thoughts.  
Jared was surprised when the class ended and Jensen came up to him. “I just wanted to say thanks.”

“For what?” Jared asked.

“For keeping me from getting into another fight,” Jensen said.

“Oh,” Jared said. It wasn’t anything like what he was expecting to hear. “You’re welcome.”

Jensen left the room without another word, leaving Jared behind to watch him.

Jared couldn’t focus the rest of the day. The whole lunch period just kept replaying over and over again in his mind. The encounter with Jennifer and Charlie and the ensuing conversation. Had Jensen really thought that Jared was really going to leave him when he found out that he was gay? Well, maybe Jensen had a good reason. It wasn’t as if all of Jared’s friends knew, so he wasn’t in any position to judge. 

Jensen was gay. That had been the biggest take away. Sure, he wasn’t happy about the way they had practically been forced to come out to each other, but Jensen was gay. That had to mean that he had a chance with him, but then that brought up all kinds of questions. Could he really date someone like Jensen, even knowing what he did? If you would have asked Jared a month ago, he would have said no, but now, he wasn’t so sure. He still didn’t know that much about Jensen, but from what he did know, he was pretty sure that Jensen was a decent person. At least it looked like Jensen didn’t go looking for trouble. From what Jared could tell, trouble seemed to just find him.

The other big takeaway had been Jensen’s temper. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in Jensen’s brain. Jared had never seen Jensen like that and hoped that he would never have to see him like that again. It was downright scary. Jared was just happy that he had been able to stop Jensen before things had gotten too out of hand and it seemed like Jensen also seemed to appreciate it.

***

Jensen walked to his American History class in a daze. He just felt off. That whole lunch period had messed with his head and he didn’t know what to think anymore. There were just too many thoughts and not enough brain power to process them all. 

There were those two assholes. Jensen didn’t even remember their names, but they weren’t important. All he could do was hope that they would keep their word and not say anything. 

It was then that he remembered that Jared had held him back, effectively preventing him from getting involved in another fight. He really needed to thank Jared for that. Jared might not understand it all, but Jensen knew that he needed to say thank you. If he would have gotten in that fight, he knew that he wouldn’t be sitting in class right now. He would probably be on his way back to juvie, sitting cuffed in the back of a police car. Jensen suppressed a shiver at the thought and tried to think about other things.

Jared was gay. That was something that Jensen had definitely not been expecting, but it was definitely welcome. However, Jensen had just been thrilled to find out that Jared wasn’t going to take off running as soon as he found out about Jensen’s sexuality. That had been the biggest victory of the day. Jensen had no desire to repeat the events of what happened the last time he tried to come out to his friends. That had been the biggest reason why he had been keeping it from Jared. He only had one friend at this school and he really didn’t want to lose him. 

When the bell rang, signaling the end of class, Jensen made sure to go up to Jared and thank him for stopping him from getting involved in another fight. Jared had seemed confused, but Jensen didn’t blame him. It definitely was out of the blue, but it was something that needed to be done. Jared may not ever know how much that meant to him, but that was ok. Jared didn’t really need to know all of the details about Jensen’s life. Well, he certainly didn’t need to know those details. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Jensen could only think about the encounter at lunch and everything that could have been. Even when he got home that night, he wasn’t able to push the thoughts completely from his mind. His mom had asked what was wrong, but Jensen just couldn’t bring itself to tell her. Telling her would mean admitting to almost getting into another fight and that was definitely not a conversation he wanted to have. He wanted, more than anything, to keep his promise to her that he would stay out of trouble. With the exception of getting suspended a couple weeks ago, he had been doing a pretty good job, but Jensen knew it was going to take a lot more time and effort to prove to her that he had completely changed and wouldn’t break his promise.


	11. Chapter 11

After everything that happened yesterday, Jared knew that he wanted to spend more time with Jensen. The short lunch periods just weren’t enough. The only problem was that he didn’t know if Jensen was going to feel the same way, which was probably why Jared put it off for several days before finally asking.

“Would you want to meet up and do something?” Jared asked. “I mean, something outside of school.”

Jensen is silent for a long time and Jared felt like he shouldn’t have asked. How could he have been so stupid? Lunch was one thing, but outside of school was something completely and totally different. “Jared, I…” Jensen started.

“Look, it’s fine,” Jared said quickly. “It was a stupid idea.”

Jensen turned to look at him. “I never said it was a stupid idea.”

“But you’re not interested.”

“I never said that either.”

Was Jared hearing this right? Jensen actually wanted to do something outside of school? So then why was he being so quiet and hesitant about everything? “So what is it?”

“I can’t,” Jensen said simply.

“Well it doesn’t have to be this weekend,” Jared said. Sure, in his mind it would have been the weekend, but it could be any time really.

“Look, Jared,” Jensen said, his tone very serious, although Jared thought he could detect a hint of sadness. “I want to. I really do, but I just can’t. I can’t really go anywhere between here and my house.”

“Huh?” Jared asked, but then realization set in. Jensen’s ankle monitor. “Oh.” How had he forgotten about that? Before he really knew Jensen, that was about the only thing he knew about him and now that piece of knowledge had seemed to fly right out the window. “I forgot.”

“Wait, what?” Jensen asked, his face full of confusion.

“I forgot about your ankle monitor?” Jared said slowly. He didn’t think it was that difficult of a concept to understand.

“Yeah, that’s a first,” Jensen chuckled. “But anyway, I would love to, but the only place we could hang out outside of school would be my house and I’m not really sure how my mom would take it.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “Really, it’s no problem.”

“I can meet you out here for lunch next week,” Jensen said.

“I thought that that was already a given.”

There was a brief moment where neither boy said anything. “Jared, I’m sorry.”

“For what? Because we can’t do anything outside of school?” Jared asked. “Because if that’s it, you need to stop worrying about it. I swear that it doesn’t matter.”

“Promise?”

“I swear.”

“Good,” Jensen said. “That’s good.”

Jared couldn’t deny it. He was a little disappointed, but at least he still had the lunches to look forward to. Besides, one day Jensen wouldn’t have the ankle monitor anymore and maybe one day, he would feel comfortable enough to invite Jared over. For now, he would just have to be patient.

Conversation was practically nonexistent. Both boys were silent as neither knew what to say.

Finally, Jensen broke the silence and said, “Wouldn’t you also have to talk to your parents?”

“What?”

“I mean, if we hung out, wouldn’t you have to talk to your parents and tell them about me. I’m pretty sure I’m not the company your parents would want you hanging around with.”

“I wasn’t exactly going to tell them. They don’t need to know.”

“Your parents really wouldn’t have a problem with you hanging around with someone like me?” Jensen asked. He sounded completely shocked by what Jared was saying and Jared was confused.

“Well, they trust me, so it’s not really that big of a deal,” Jared said, not even putting that much thought into what he was saying.

“Must be nice,” Jensen said.

“What do you mean?”

“Having parents that don’t question it that much because they trust you,” Jensen explained. Suddenly everything clicked. Jensen’s parents didn’t trust him.

“Oh,” he said.

“Hey, it’s not that bad,” Jensen said. “I mean, it’s my own fault that my mom is hesitant to trust me again. I mean once your kid spends some time in juvie, it’s pretty understandable if you don’t trust them anymore.”

Jared didn’t know how to respond to that. Instead, he just sat there silently. How were you supposed to respond to that? Jared didn’t know.

“It didn’t use to be like that, you know,” Jensen said.

“Huh?”

“My parents, my mom especially, she used to trust me. She never used to think about any of the crap she does now, but like I said, she’s got a good reason to be worried, so,” Jensen explained.

“So what was it like before?” Jared asked, a little hesitantly. He didn’t know how Jensen would react to being asked about his past. Usually, he would just ignore it or deflect.

“Different,” Jensen said. “So much different than it is now.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Like, my mom wouldn’t question it if I asked to go hang out with some friends or if I just walked to the park by myself or something. There was never really any concern, but then I came out and things kind of changed at home and then things changed at school and then the next thing I knew, I was sitting in a cell.” Jensen seemed almost detached, like he was saying the words, but wasn’t actually there. Jared didn’t know how to respond, so he just let Jensen continue.

“Well, and then I got released. Kind of. Still have this damn ankle monitor and I think that’s part of it. I’m not completely out, you know? Like there’s still a chance that I could go back. If I screw up bad enough, I could and that worries her. Hell, we thought I was going back about a couple weeks ago. I mean, it didn’t happen, but we were pretty sure.”

“What was a couple weeks ago?” Jared asked.

“I got suspended.”

Jared felt his stomach drop. He knew all about it, much more than probably Jensen realized. He had no idea that Jensen had been close to going back to juvie for that. “They were going to send you back?”

“I thought they were, hell my mom thought so too, but my probation officer let me off with a warning, but the next time, I’m back.”

“Wow.”

“Remember when I thanked you for stepping in and not letting me attack those kids?”

“Jennifer and Charlie?” Jared asked, speaking their names with disgust. 

“Yeah. I didn’t tell you then, but I don’t think I could say thank you enough. If you hadn’t stopped me, I would have gone after them and I would have ended up back in juvie. So thank you,” Jensen said. “Again.”

“You’re…you’re welcome.” Jared didn’t know what else to say. He had just learned more about Jensen in the last ten minutes than he had in the past two months. Before, he knew what he liked and what he didn’t like and that was about it. But this was different. It was as if Jared was finally getting to know Jensen as a person.

“My mom doesn’t know about that. I just can’t bring that up to her because she’d worry too much.”

Jared almost said that his parents don’t know about it either, but then thought better of it. There was really no reason for Jared to tell his parents. They didn’t have the same worries that Jensen’s seemed to.

“And I can’t tell my brother,” Jensen said. “He would come home and kick my ass.”

“Your brother cares about you a lot then?”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, Josh cares a lot, but it’s weird. Sometimes he acts more like a parent than a brother, but I know that his intentions are good, so I guess that’s what counts.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what counts. My brother and I aren’t that close,” Jared said. “I mean Jeff cares about me and I care about him, but it’s not much more than that.”

“Josh and I used to be like that until I was arrested. My dad was gone by that point so I guess Josh just kind of stepped in as the second parent. I guess someone had to show the anger. That was one thing my mom never did. She was never angry. She was so disappointed, but she was never angry and I didn’t even know which would have been worse.”

Jared couldn’t believe how much Jensen was talking about himself today. Normally it was like pulling teeth to get him to admit anything, but today, Jared was fascinated and was perfectly content to let Jensen tell him about himself. He was turning out to be such a different person than he portrayed. On the outside he was tough, strong, and slightly intimidating, but in reality, he was a kid, just like Jared, except a victim of unfortunate circumstances. 

“Disappointment is hard,” Jared agreed.

“No offense, Jared, but you really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jared laughed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Failing a test isn’t quite the same.”

Jensen turned to face Jared, a look of complete shock on his face. “Is failing a test really the worst thing you’ve done?”

“Uh, probably?”

“Seriously? Like you’ve never tried drugs or alcohol or stolen something? Nothing?”

“Not that I can remember.” His parents had always said that they got lucky with Jared. He didn’t seem to cause any trouble. 

“Wow,” Jensen said, shaking his head. “That’s just, wow.”

“Well, I think I got a detention one time, when I was in middle school,” Jared said. “We were trying to make a glue bottle explode during recess.”

Jensen laughed. “I don’t even know how to respond to that. I mean that’s a great reason to get detention because at least you got some fun out of it, but I can’t believe that that is the worst thing you’ve done.”

“We didn’t even get to have that much fun,” Jared said. “One of the teachers stopped us before we got too far.”

“But still, that’s the only trouble you’ve gotten in. Jared, you have no idea what trouble is.”

“Hey, just because I haven’t been arrested.” As soon as Jared said it, he wondered if he went too far, but Jensen continued laughing.

“I never said you had to get arrested. In fact, I would highly recommend avoiding that,” Jensen said, his tone becoming slightly more serious. “You can take it from me. That is not a thing you want to do. But you gotta live a little Jared.”

“I’m just fine, thanks.”

“Fine,” Jensen said. “Suit yourself.”

***

Jensen sat in John McMann’s office. He hated coming here. Absolutely hated it, but if the choice was between here and juvie, Jensen would definitely choose here. At least he only had to be here for an hour or so per week. That was better than twenty four hours per day for the foreseeable future.

“So, Jensen,” John said. “Why don’t you tell me what’s been happening?”

“Nothing much,” Jensen said. “Been going to school, coming home and doing homework and then doing it all over again.”

“There’s nothing else you want to tell me?”

Jensen racked his brains. There had to be something he missed. Some vital piece of information, but he couldn’t think of anything. The last week had been pretty uneventful. He went to school and came home did homework, just like he said. Then, after he finished his homework, he got to work reading a book series that Jared had recommended to him. He wasn’t quite sure about how he felt about it yet, but Jared seemed to love the series so it couldn’t be that bad. His probation officer didn’t need to know any of that. “Not that I can think of,” Jensen responded hesitantly. He knew that he was going to be in so much more trouble if he didn’t just admit to whatever it was straight out.

“Relax, Jensen,” John said. “This isn’t a test. We’re just talking.”

“I know, but then you say things like that and I feel like there was something that I was supposed to say,” Jensen admitted.

“Well, there haven’t been any reports from your school. In fact, it looks like you are going to finish out a very good year, academically,” John said. “How was it?”

“The school?”

“Yeah. Class were ok?”

“To be honest,” Jensen said. “They really didn’t pose much of a challenge, especially since I went to St. Joseph’s before all of this. So homework and everything was pretty easy”

“Hmm,” John said. “Maybe you’ll have to look into taking some more advanced courses next year. It’ll probably be good for you to have a challenge.”

Jensen had been to enough of these meetings to hear the implication. By giving him more of a challenge, John meant that he would be spending more time doing homework and would have less time for things that would get him in trouble, which was kind of funny. It’s not like Jensen could go anywhere and there wasn’t that much trouble to get in when he sat around his house most of the day. “We’ll look into it,” Jensen said. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. It would give him more to do.

“That’s good. Now I know you said a few weeks ago that you were looking for a job or some way to earn some money. Have you made any progress on that?”

“Nope. No one’s really looking to hire a teenager with a criminal record, so no,” Jensen said. By this point he had pretty much given up and decided that it just wasn’t in the cards for him. It was as simple as that.

“Ok, well,” John said. Jensen had to admit that he really didn’t sound that surprised that Jensen hadn’t found a job yet, but he had lots of experience working with kids who were in similar situations to his. “If something changes, let me know and we’ll work something out.”

“Ok,” Jensen said. Although he doubted that anything was going to change. He was going to still be stuck saving his lunch money from his mom.

“Now, let’s talk about summer,” John said. It had been the whole reason that he was dreading this meeting. It was his last one before the end of the school year and he didn’t want to think about how much he was going to be restricted this summer.

“Ok.”

“Well, you will still have your ankle monitor,” John said. “That won’t be coming off for several more months.” 

“Nine more months,” Jensen said. Not that he was counting.

John chuckled. “You aren’t the first person to count the time they have left on a monitor and I know you won’t be the last. But, during the summer you’ll still have the same restrictions.”

“What?” Jensen asked. He had been hoping for some kind of leniency. “There’s nothing we can do to change that?” He didn’t care about how desperate he sounded. Three months was a long time to spend in his house.

“Unfortunately, those were the terms when you were released on probation,” John said. “Because you already have one strike against you because of the suspension, there’s nothing I can do.”

Great. More than two months later, that suspension was still haunting him. “If I wouldn’t have gotten in that fight, would they have changed their minds?”

“There’s no way to know for sure, but they may have been a little more lenient, but we can’t really think about that. We have to think about what how it is now. So, you will be restricted to your mother’s house, unless accompanied by her.”

“So I can leave,” Jensen said. 

“As long as you are with her.”

“Um, my brother’s twenty-one. Could I leave with him?”

John shook his head. “Only a parent or a guardian.”

“Great,” Jensen mumbled. His mom worked everyday and was usually exhausted by the time she got home. That left weekends, but it was better than nothing. Although Jensen knew better than to get his hopes up. His mom always followed the rules of his probation and usually made it harder to even bend them. He knew that she just didn’t want to see him go back to juvie again, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying to convince her to at least let him accompany her to the grocery store. She would have to understand that even he needed fresh air.

“There are of course some restrictions on that. We don’t want you to have to stay in your house all summer. We understand that you’re going to want to get some fresh air and we’re willing to let you do that. However, everything must be within a mile radius of your house.”

“Ok,” Jensen mumbled.

“I know it sucks, but it’s the rules, kid.”

“No,” Jensen said. “I know. I get it and it does suck, but it is what it is and I have no one to blame but myself.”

John stared at Jensen for a moment, but then continued. “So do you have any questions?”

“Not really,” Jensen said. His life was just going to suck for the next nine months. There was no other way around it. Hopefully he would be able to convince his mom to let him have Jared over while. There was no way that Jensen was going to be able to make it the whole summer without seeing Jared. Weekends were bad enough.

“Ok. I will see you next week then,” John said.

“Yep.” Jensen pushed himself up from the chair and left the office. 

His mom had been waiting in the parking lot, reading a book. “All done?” she asked when he got in the car.

“Yep.”

“Anything I should know?”

“I can leave the house as long as you’re with me this summer,” Jensen said. “I mean, I’m still limited so I can’t go everywhere, but I can at least get out of the house.”

“That’s good,” she said sadly. Again, Jensen was reminded of the toll all of this had taken on his mother. “But otherwise, you’re at home.”

“Basically,” Jensen said. All he knew was that it was going to be a very long summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the shorter chapters, but I hope you still enjoy it. Thanks again for reading!

The school year was almost over. They had to finish out today and then tomorrow would be their last day and then they were free. Although Jared did have one thing that was bothering him.

“I can’t believe it’s the end of the year already,” Jared commented between bites of sandwich.

“Went by kinda fast,” Jensen agreed.

“Um,” Jared said. “About this summer. Am I going to see you at all?” He realized that it probably sounded like a stupid question, but he still wanted to know.

“I hope so. I mean I’m going to have to talk to my mom about it,” Jensen said.

“But we could meet up sometime?”

“As long as the meet up happens at my place. I’m kinda restricted to my house this summer,” Jensen explained. 

“All summer?! You can’t leave your house all summer?” Jared couldn’t even fathom not leaving his house all summer.

“Basically,” Jensen said. “If I’m with my mom, I have a little bit longer leash, but it’s basically my house. Apparently my suspension screwed that up.”

“But it’s been over two months since you were suspended,” Jared pointed out.

“Yeah, but they don’t see it that way,” Jensen shrugged. “They still see it as I screwed up and therefore am one strike away from going back, so I guess that means that I have a tighter leash.”

“Oh,” Jared said. He had a feeling that Jensen was downplaying everything slightly, but he wasn’t about to question it. “That sucks.” He couldn’t even imagine what it was going to be like for Jensen. Staying inside your own house for an entire summer had to be terrible and he bet that Jensen was going to go stir crazy.

“Yeah, well. I can’t exactly change it.”

“But it still sucks.”

Jared immediately started to rack his brains, trying to come up with some sort of idea that could help Jensen. “We could text or something.”

“Don’t have a phone,” Jensen mumbled.

“What?”

“Don’t have one. My mom deactivated mine when I went to juvie and now that I’m out, we never bothered getting a new one. I mean, why would we bother getting one. The only places I can go are home and school and it’s not like…” Jensen trailed off.

Jared didn’t need for Jensen to finish that sentence. After spending every lunch period with him for the last few months, he knew that Jensen was going to say “it’s not like I have anyone to text.” At that moment, Jared decided that step number one was going to be to get Jensen a phone. He was pretty sure that his old track phone was still sitting around the house somewhere collecting dust. He was pretty sure that if he asked his parents, they would be fine with him giving it away. It wasn’t like he, or any of his family, would be using it again. 

“Well I think we can figure out something,” Jared said.

“Yeah,” Jensen said, but Jared could hear how much Jensen didn’t believe it. If anything, it made Jared more determined to find a way to make this summer work out for them.

***

It was the last day of school and Jensen didn’t know if he should be relieved or not. The rest of his classmates were looking forward to three months of freedom and while not having any schoolwork for three months was a definite plus, that was the extent of Jensen’s freedom. Most of his summer would be spent lying around the house, trying to keep himself entertained. 

He had had another meeting with his probation officer, who reiterated the rules from the last time they met. He would be able to leave the house, provided that he was with his mom. There were still restrictions on that and John had told him that they would be monitoring where he went. They would also be following up with his mother to make sure that everything matched up. There wasn’t a lot of freedom, but Jensen knew that he would just have to deal with it.

Jensen made his way out of the school to the place where he and Jared always ate lunch. He was going to miss this. It had been so nice having someone to talk to about normal things for the past few months and he didn’t know how he was going to survive not seeing Jared for three months. Jared had insisted that he would figure something out, but Jensen wasn’t holding out too much hope.

Jensen was surprised to find that Jared was already outside waiting for him, but Jensen didn’t comment on it. He just sat down in his normal spot along the wall.

"I have something for you," Jared said in lieu of a greeting. 

“A sandwich?” Jensen guessed.

“Well, I have that too, but I got something even better.”

Jensen’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. What on earth was Jared talking about?

Jared didn't say anything. Instead he pulled something out of his pocket and dropped it in Jensen's lap.

"What is this?" Jensen held up a cell phone. It was definitely and old model and had seen better days, but it was definitely still a cell phone.

"You didn't have a phone. Now you do."

"You shouldn't have gone and bought me a phone. I was fine without one," Jensen said taking to phone and trying to give it back to Jared. 

"Two things. You may have said that you were fine without a phone, but I wanted someway to talk to you this summer. I don't plan on going three months without hearing from you," Jared explained. "And besides, I didn't buy a phone. That's my old track phone."

"And your parents are just fine with you giving it away ?"

"Why are you so against people doing things for you?" Jared asked. "But if it is going to bother you that much, then I'll tell you that I did ask my parents and they were fine with it."

"You got me a phone," Jensen said. He couldn't believe it. Jared probably didn't even realize how much the gesture meant. Someone, outside his family, actually cared about him that much to go out of their way to make sure that he could still stay in contact with him.

"Yeah," Jared said. "I hope it's not too much."

"It's great," Jensen said.

"There's still a lot of minutes on there since we switched phones before I had a chance to used it all up, so it should hopefully last for awhile."

"Thank you," Jensen said. That was about all he could say.

"And I already put my number in there so you should be good to go."

"Thanks." Again, it was all he could say. Jared probably saw it as a very simple gesture and didn't think anything of it. He would never know how much it really meant to Jensen. It meant that Jensen would be able to have some contact with people other than his family and his probation officer, which might just save him from going completely insane this summer.

***

Later that night, Jensen was sitting in his room reading a book when he heard something ding. He didn't pay much attention to it until he heard the same sound again, not even five minutes later. He put his book down, determined to figure out where that sound was coming from when he remembered. Jared had given him a phone. 

Jensen had put the phone in his backpack when he got back from lunch and hadn't given it any thought since then. In fact, he had completely forgot about it until now.

Jensen pulled open his closet doors and found his backpack. He opened it and pulled out the phone. Sure enough, there was a small light flashing on the phone, signaling a new message. He flipped open the phone and read it.

_Hey. You should talk to your mom about letting me come over._

That was all it said. He knew it was from Jared and he didn't need to look at the name of the sender to figure that out. Who else would have texted him?  
Jensen sent a message back.

_I'll let you know._

It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t want Jared to come over, it was more that he didn’t know how to bring this up to his mom. He knew that she was still trying to learn to trust him again, but he didn’t know if this would be asking for too much.

But maybe because it was Jared, she would let it go. She had heard stories of Jared and knew that he was Jensen’s only friend. Maybe that would make her more inclined to say yes to having Jared come over. All he could do was hope. She had every reason to say no, but no many to say yes.

His phone dinged and he opened his phone to read the message.

_Ok._

Hopefully Jared could be patient and hopefully he could work up the courage to talk to his mom about it.

***

It took almost a whole week before Jensen finally worked up the courage to talk to his mom. He was in the kitchen, helping her to make dinner when he finally just asked her.

"You want what?" She asked, slightly stunned.

"To have a friend over," Jensen said again. He nervously chewed on his bottom lip while waiting for her response. When it was clear that she was still thinking about it, he added, “It's just that it gets kind of boring sitting around here everyday, you know? So having someone else around might help."

He had laid out everything he had and now all he could do was wait. His fingers crossed themselves down at his side as he hoped with every fiber of his being that she would just say yes.

“Who is it?” she asked, finally breaking the silence. “Jared?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jensen said. “I know you haven’t met him yet, but I was really hoping that he could maybe come over for a while.”

“I’m not going to say yes just yet,” she said and Jensen felt his heart drop all the way to the floor. He couldn’t even bring himself to listen to the rest of what she was saying. She had said no. He was going to be stuck here without Jared, without anyone except his mom and sister for the entire summer. 

What it take to convince his brother to come down and visit? Jensen knew that he got some really good internship near his college, but maybe he could convince Josh to come home for a bit. That would be great, but Jensen still wanted to have Jared over. 

“It’s—That’s fine,” Jensen said, feeling incredibly defeated. How was Jared going to take this news? “I get it.”

“Ok, then you’ll have Jared come over one weekend when I’m home.”

“Wait,” Jensen said, his head snapping up to meet his mom’s eyes. “What?”

“I want to meet him first,” his mom said. “After that, we’ll go from there.”

“Really?” Jensen said. “You’ll let him come over?”

“Jensen, I know I’m still working on learning to trust you again, but I still want you to have some friends your own age. But, if it’s anyone who will be spending time here, I want to meet them first.”

“Yeah, ok.” Jensen couldn’t agree fast enough. His mom was willing to take a chance on Jared! “That’s definitely fair.”

His mom stared at him for a moment before she said, “Did you think I was going to tell you no flat out?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jensen mumbled. “Kinda.”

She sighed. “I want to trust you, Jensen. I really do, but after everything, the fights, the detentions, your arrest, everything, it’s hard,” she explained. “I’m trying and that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you no right away. Ok?”

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “Ok.”

“So why don’t you tell Jared to come over this weekend so I can meet him. Does that work?”

“Yeah. I’ll… I’ll let him know.”

After dinner, Jensen ran back to his room and grabbed the phone from the drawer on his nightstand. He was so excited that he was finding it hard to type, but he finally managed to type out and send a message to Jared.

_What are you doing this weekend?_

Less than a minute later his phone lit up and Jensen couldn’t help but grin when he read the message.

_I'm busy Saturday, but Sunday is good. What time?_

It seemed like Jared was just as excited about the prospect of seeing Jensen as Jensen was of seeing Jared.

_1:00ish? And my mom wants to meet you_

_That's fine. I'll see you then._

Jensen finally let himself breathe again. He was going to see Jared in just a few short days and that was reason enough to be happy.


	13. Chapter 13

By the time Sunday morning rolled around, Jensen could barely contain his excitement. 

"What time is your friend coming?" His mom had asked.

"Around 1:00," Jensen said. He was practically counting down the minutes until Jared would arrive, which was still too big of a number for Jensen's liking.

The remaining time passed slowly and Jensen couldn't seem to focus on much of anything. He had tried reading and started a movie, but nothing seemed to make the time go faster. He would have cleaned his room if it wasn't already spotless. Instead, he resorted to pacing his small room. It wasn’t ideal, but he just couldn’t sit still. He was just too excited.

Finally, at exactly 1:00, the doorbell rang. Jensen bolted from his room, down the stairs, and yanked open the front door. Jared was standing on the other side, looking as cheerful as ever. “Hey!” Jared said.

“Hi,” Jensen said, unable to keep the smile off his face. “Come on in.” He stood aside to let Jared through. “So my mom wants to meet you. You know, basically she just wants to make sure that you aren’t going to get me into any trouble.”

“That’s fine,” Jared said. Jared seemed pretty confident and Jensen had no idea how he could be so clam. If Jensen was meeting Jared’s parents, he knew that he would be a mess of nerves. 

“Well, I guess we should get it over with.”

“It’s your mom. I don’t understand why you’re so anxious,” Jared said. 

The truth was that Jensen was nervous that something was going to go wrong and that his mom wasn’t going to like Jared. If she didn’t like Jared, that meant that he wouldn’t get to see him again until school started next fall. He could probably have Jared sneak over while his mom was at work, but he was sure that his sister would catch on and rat him out. “I’m nervous for you,” Jensen joked. 

“It’ll be fine,” Jared assured him.

He led Jared through the house, onto the back deck where his mom sat, engrossed in a book.

“Mom?” Jensen asked. “Jared’s here.” She looked up from her book, placed the bookmark in it and set it aside. 

“So you are Jared?” she asked. 

“Yes, ma’am. It’s nice to meet you,” Jared said, extending a hand. Even now, while he was face to face with Jensen’s mom, he still seemed to be as calm as ever.

Jensen watched as his mom extended a hand and shook Jared’s. “Nice to meet you as well. Have a seat.”

Jensen knew that she wanted to talk to him, but he wasn’t anticipating actually sitting down and talking to him. He thought it was just going to be a quick hello and a check to make sure that Jared wasn’t any trouble and then he would be home free. It turned out that he was wrong. He was going to be subjected to the awkwardness of his mother getting to know the only friend he had made during his three and a half months at his new school.

“So,” she said. “You’re going to school with Jensen?”

“Yup. Just finished my junior year. One more year to go.”

“And then what?” she asked. Jensen wondered if she was going to ask him about his entire life story.

“Going on to college, most likely.”

“Any idea what you want to study?”

“Not yet,” Jared said. “Just focusing on high school right now. That’s enough.”

She nodded in agreement. “High school can be tough, but if you stay focused, it’s not so bad.” Jensen immediately knew how to translate what she was saying. That was her way of saying high school isn’t so bad, if you don’t get in trouble and get sent to juvie for part of it. He wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut.

Jensen wished he could say something, anything really, to join in the conversation, but he’s stuck. His mom and Jared were in discussion about Jared’s school and his life outside of it, but Jensen felt that that was Jared’s story to tell, not his. Instead, he just sits there, making sure to pay attention to the conversation in case he is ever needed.

“So how did you two meet?” Jensen’s mom finally asked.

“We were partners for a history project,” Jensen said, extremely happy that he finally had something to say that would bring him into the conversation.

“I have to say,” Jared joked, “that I wasn’t exactly happy about having Jensen as my partner.”

His mom’s eyes narrowed. “Why was that?”

Jared shrugged. “I just never had the best luck with project partners and I didn’t really know that much about Jensen, but I have to say that he really surprised me. His half of the paper was fantastic. It was so much better than I could have done.”

Jensen felt the heat rise in his cheeks, his face flushing with embarrassment. Why did Jared have to bring up all of those details? “But we got it done and I guess we started hanging out more after that,” Jensen said, conveniently leaving out the part about their short fight with each other. He just had to hope that Jared wouldn’t bring it up.

“That’s nice,” she said. “It seems like you’re a really good kid Jared.”

Jensen let out a breath that he didn’t even realize that he was holding. His mom liked Jared! He was in the clear. “Hey, mom? Do you mind if we go inside. It’s kind of hot out here.”

“That’s fine,” she said. “Have fun.”

Jensen and Jared pushed back their chairs and stood up. “It was really nice to meet you, Mrs. Ackles.”

“You can call me Donna. None of that Mrs. Ackles, nonsense.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jared said. 

Jensen led the way into the house and to the basement. There wasn’t much down here, but there was at least a TV.

“So do you think that I passed her test?” Jared asked.

“Yes,” Jensen said. “So she doesn’t think that you’re going to get me into any trouble, which means that you should be able to come over more often.”

“Well that’s good,” Jared said. “I realized that it’s kind of weird not seeing you everyday. I mean, we only spent lunch periods together, but it was weird not really talking to you.”

Jensen nodded. It had been weird. In fact it had been miserable. During the last week he had learned that he really didn’t want to keep spending all of this time away from Jared. He also came to the conclusion that he had a really, big crush on Jared, but he didn’t want to think about that now.

“So,” Jensen said. “What have you been up to?”

“Nothing much. I mean I have a part time job, stocking shelves over at the grocery store on 10th street, but other than that, there really isn’t much.”

“But at least it’s something,” Jensen said. He would love to have even a part time job and it wasn’t for lack of trying. He had sent in applications to places all over town. A few had called him back, but he was never able to make it passed the phone interview. At this point, it wasn’t even about the money (although that wouldn’t hurt), it was just about getting out of the house.

“I guess,” Jared said. “So you’ve just been sitting around here?”

“Mostly. I’ve got a lot of reading done,” Jensen said. That had been true. He had read several books in the last week, mostly out of boredom because there wasn’t a whole lot else to do. He hated to say it, but he kind of missed going to school. Of course he missed Jared, but other than that, he didn’t really miss the social aspect of it. He missed having something to do for eight hours every day. Actually it was even more than eight hours because of homework. Now, he was just bored.

“That’s good.”

“Except that I’m running out of things to read,” Jensen said. “There’s only a handful of books that I haven’t read yet.”

Jared seemed to think about that for a moment, but Jensen didn’t know why. He didn’t think there was anything particularly interesting about what he had just said. “Hm,” Jared said. “I’m sure that you’ll figure out something.”

“I might just start at the beginning again. It can’t hurt to reread them.” That had been his only option. He didn’t have money to order new books and he couldn’t leave the house without his mother. Basically, he was stuck. “But let’s talk about something else.”

The afternoon felt like one extended lunch period with a few minor exceptions. There wasn’t any fear that one of the other students were going to walk in on them (only Jensen’s mom, but it wasn’t as if they were doing anything they weren’t supposed to). They also knew that they wouldn’t have to go to class after this too, which definitely made things more enjoyable and relaxed. 

It was a great afternoon and Jensen was sad to see it come to an end. 

“Let me know when we can do this again,” Jared said. 

“Trust me, I will,” Jensen said. Today wasn’t even completely over yet, but he was already looking forward to the next time. “But you have to let me know because of your work schedule.”

“Ok,” Jared said. “I guess I’ll see you next time.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said. 

Jared walked out of Jensen’s house and closed the door behind him. Jensen’s shoulder’s slumped because although it had been a great day, he was still sad to see it come to an end.

Jensen wandered back into the kitchen, where his mother had been preparing dinner. She had offered to let Jared stay, but Jared had insisted that he had to get back to his own house.

“Is Jared gone?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“He seems like I really nice kid.”

“He is,” Jensen said. “See, now you have nothing to worry about.”

She stopped what she was doing by the stove and turned around. “That’s not possible,” she said. “I’m always going to worry about you.”

“Yeah, but now you can worry less because Jared’s here to keep me out of trouble,” Jensen said. He wondered if he should mention that Jared already got him out of trouble once by holding him back to keep him from attacking two other students. He decided against it because that would just give his mom even more reason to worry and that was the last thing either of them needed right now.

“I suppose.”

“So what do you say?” Jensen asked. “Can I have him over even when you aren’t here?”

She sighed. “I still worry about you, but I think I can let you. Jared seems like a really good kid and I would hope that you know by now that you can’t keep getting into trouble like that.”

“Believe me, mom,” Jensen said. “I know.” He definitely didn’t need reminding of that. Instead, he tried to focus on the positive side. His mom trusted him (and Jared) enough to let him come over even if she wasn’t home. 

***

The next Saturday, Jared came over again.

“What is this?” Jensen asked. Jared had his backpack slung over his shoulder and dropped it on the floor when they got to the basement.

“I got something for you.”

“What the—“ Jensen said.

Jared pulled open his backpack and started unpacking book after book. By the time he was done, there was a nice stack of about ten books sitting on the coffee table in Jensen’s basement.

“Again, I say what the hell?”

“Well, you like to read,” Jared said.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t explain why you just pulled a huge stack of books out of your backpack.”

“Well, last time, you mentioned that you were running out of books and I figured since your radius is so short that you wouldn’t be able to go to the library.”

“You went to the library and checked out a bunch of books, just so I wouldn’t be bored,” Jensen asked.

“Uh, yes?” 

Jensen couldn’t believe it. He didn’t even know what to say. Jared obviously didn’t think much of it, but like with the gift of Jared’s old cell phone, the gesture meant so much more than Jared would understand.

“I, uh…” Jensen said. “Thanks.” That was about all he could get out. He knew that he needed to say more and express how grateful he was, but he just couldn’t seem to find the words. 

“You’re welcome,” Jared said, “and before you make a huge deal about it. It wasn’t a big deal. I promise. I go that way for work so it wasn’t out of my way. Besides, you are definitely going to need something to read.”

“Yeah, I…” He still couldn’t find the words.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jared said. “I get it.”

The thing was, Jared didn’t get it. Sure, he understood that Jensen was grateful and just wasn’t able to find the words, but he didn’t really understand what Jensen was going through. As grateful as Jensen was to receive the books, he would have loved to go and pick them out himself. He would love to have the freedom to go where he wanted and do whatever he pleased, but he just didn’t have that luxury. It was hard and he knew that he was still paying the price for the decisions he made that day. “Thank you,” Jensen said again. It still wasn’t enough, but it was definitely needed. 

“I hope you like them. I tried to get a variety, but next time, if there’s anything specific you want, just let me know.”

Jared was even willing to go back and keep doing this the rest of the summer? Jensen didn’t know how he got so lucky to find a friend like Jared. Even before everything happened, Jensen wasn’t quite sure if his friends then would have gone out of their way to do to the things Jared was doing for him. Jensen just hoped there wasn’t anything that would screw up this friendship because he really didn’t want to see this one end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but I'm hoping to have the next chapter up tomorrow. Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but I hope that the content makes up for the length. Enjoy!

Before Jensen knew it, it was the middle of July and two days before Jared’s birthday. He knew that he and to do something. After all, Jared had been nothing but kind to him while everyone else avoided him like the plague. The problem was that he was extremely limited in what he could do. He had practically no money (and almost all of the money he did manage to scrounge up, went toward paying his mother back for everything) and he couldn’t even go anywhere with Jared because of his probation restrictions. It just sucked.

He was at the grocery store with his mother when the idea finally hit him. They were walking through the candy isle when Jensen remembered what Jared said about candy. 

“I love gummy bears. When I was little, my brother told me that I had to eat the heads off first so they wouldn’t feel any pain when you eat the rest of them. It’s stupid, but that’s still how I eat them.”

Without another thought, Jensen grabbed the biggest bag that he could find and dumped it in the cart. He’d have to dip into the money he was saving up to pay his mom back, but that was fine. He knew that he would still pay her back for everything and missing an spending an extra $10 wouldn’t make that much of a difference, especially when that $10 was going to be used on someone else.

His mother gave him a strange look. “What are those for? You don’t need those.”

“It’s not for me. It’s Jared’s birthday.”

“Oh,” she said and didn’t address it anymore. 

That night, Jensen wrapped the bag of gummy bears. Even he could recognize a terrible wrapping job, but he figured that it was better than nothing. Before today, he didn’t think that he was going to be able to give Jared anything, but at least now he had something. He probably should find something else, just for good measure, but at least he had something to give, even if it wasn’t the greatest present.

***

Jared walked the familiar path to Jensen’s house. He could have drove, but the walk wasn’t bad, just over a mile. Thanks to a scheduling mix up at work, he had been lucky enough to not only get his birthday off, but also the day after his birthday off as well. He tried not to think about the three consecutive eight hour days that he had coming up next week.

He had spent his actually birthday with his family, opening presents and eating cake. His mom’s parents even came by for the celebration. It was great but it still felt like something was missing. Later that night, he realized that the missing something was Jensen. He had known that he would see Jensen the next day, but it hadn’t helped him that day.

He walked up the small pathway leading to Jensen’s house and knocked on the door. Just like usual, Jensen had the door open within seconds. “Hey!” Jensen said. “Happy birthday. Well, belated birthday.”

“Thanks.” He couldn’t believe Jensen remembered, although he knew that he shouldn’t be shocked. Despite the indifferent persona that Jensen tends to portray, he really was a kind and caring person and no doubt wouldn’t forget birthdays.

“Come on in,” he said. “I got you something.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Jared said. He hadn’t really expected Jensen to get him anything since he knew that Jensen didn’t have money laying around.

“Well, too bad,” Jensen said. “I got you something anyway.”

Jared followed as Jensen led the way to the basement. Jared was beginning to become quite familiar with this house even though it had only been a little over a month since he had first stepped foot in it. There, sitting on the small coffee table, was a wrapped package. 

“You’ll have to ignore the wrapping,” Jensen said. “It’s not exactly my strong point.”

“I think I can look passed it,” Jared said. “Besides, like I said. You really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Will you stop saying that and open the damn present already?”

“Sorry,” Jared said. He sat down at the couch and picked up the present, examining it from all sides and trying to determine what would be the easiest way to open it. Jensen hadn’t been lying when he said that wrapping presents wasn’t his specialty. 

“Oh just open it already and I hope you appreciate it because I had to wrap it twice.”

“Why’d you have to wrap it twice?”

“Because after I wrapped it, I realized I forgot something. Now are we going to just stand here and talk or are you going to open your present already?”

“I’m opening,” Jared said. “I’m opening. He teared open the package, throwing the paper to the side. There were two two things. One was one of the largest bags of gummy bears he had ever seen. “Oh my god.”

“I was at the store with my mom and I remembered what you said about gummy bears and I just thought…” Jensen trailed off.

“This is amazing,” Jared said. “I’m going to be sick for a week.”

“Just don’t eat them all at once then,” Jensen suggested.

Jared made a face. “That would take all of the fun out of it.”

Jensen rolled his eyes at that comment. “Come on, there’s something else in there.”

Jared set the bag of gummy bears next to him so he could examine the second item. It was a book. The Lord of the Rings. The book had certainly looked like it had seen better days and Jared wondered if Jensen hadn’t just took his own copy to gift. 

“I know that it’s a little battered, but it was all I had. It’s one of my favorite books, and I know you haven’t read it, so I hope—“

Jared didn’t allow Jensen to finish. Instead he leaned forward, pulled Jensen toward him and kissed him. It took a few seconds before Jared realized what he did and he immediately pulled back. “I’m sorry,” Jared said. “That was really out of—“

Jared wasn’t able to finish his sentence because Jensen pulled Jared closer and kissed him. Jared squeaked out in shock, but then relaxed into the kiss. 

His brain couldn’t form coherent thoughts. All he could think was holy crap, I’m kissing Jensen and Jensen Ackles is kissing me. It was a wonderful moment and was everything that Jared had been wanting. He couldn’t help but feel a little sad when the finally broke apart.

Neither boy knew quite what to say and they were left sitting in awkward silence for a few moments.

“That was…” Jared started, but trailed off. He didn’t know what word he would even use to describe what just happened. It was amazing and wonderful and he wanted nothing more to just go back to making out with Jensen.

“I know,” Jensen mumbled.

“So does this mean…” Jared started. He just couldn’t bring himself to form complete sentences. He figured that it was probably just a side effect of kissing Jensen.

“Does this mean what? That we’re boyfriends?”

That was what Jared had intended to ask before his voice gave out and he wasn’t able to finish his sentence. “Yeah.”

“Only if you want to,” Jensen said.

He wanted to. He definitely wanted to. Kissing Jensen felt amazing, but knowing that Jensen was his and only his would feel so much better. “I would love to.”

Jensen smiled. “Good. That’s great.”

Not for the first time, Jared saw Jensen not as a teenager with a troubled past, but as another unsure, awkward teenager like himself. It was this Jensen that he had developed a massive crush on and this Jensen that he wanted to spend time with. “So now what?” Jared asked.

“I’ve never gotten this far before.”

“Neither have I,” Jared admitted. Not many people knew he was gay, which made it very difficult to actually have a boyfriend.

“We could make out some more,” Jensen suggested. 

Jared laughed. “I have a feeling there will be plenty of making out in our future, Jensen. How about we just take it easy for a bit?”

“Fine,” Jensen grumbled, obviously not to happy with Jared’s comment. 

“You want to put in a movie?”

“Sure,” Jensen said, getting up from the couch and going over to the TV. “Have anything particular in mind?”

“Nope.”

“Ok then.” Jensen popped in Star Wars and sat back down on the couch. Jared shifted in his seat so he was as close to Jensen as possible.

Part way through the opening credits, Jared reached down and grabbed the bag of gummy bears. He opened it, popped a few in his mouth and then offered the bag to Jensen.

“I’m surprised you’re actually offering me any. I didn’t think you shared your candy.”

“I’ll make an exception for my boyfriend.” Jared knew that it sounded cheesy, but it was so wonderful to say. 

“At least there are some perks,” Jensen said as he grabbed a handful out of the bag.

About halfway through the movie, Jensen spoke up. “You know,” Jensen said. “I went through all that trouble, trying to pick out a gift for you and all I would have had to do was kiss you.”

“Shut up,” Jared said. “I still really appreciate the gifts. I don’t think I ever said thank you.”

“I think the thank you was implied.”

“Yeah, but thank you again.”

“You’re welcome,” Jensen said.

Jared leaned back, pressing himself closer to Jensen. In this moment, everything felt right and he just wished that he could stay like this forever.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten a bunch of comments wondering what exactly Jensen did. I hope that this does it justice. Enjoy!

“Did you get the letter?” Jared asked. Once again, they were spending a lazy summer afternoon at Jensen’s house.

“Which letter?”

“The one about school starting up again.”

Oh. That letter. Jensen had been trying to forget that letter even showed up. He wanted to get out of the house and do something else with his time, but the thought of going back to school with all of the other overly judgmental students was not something he was looking forward to. “Yeah.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Jared observed. 

“Of course I don’t,” Jensen said. “That means I have to go back to seeing all those people again.”

“You can’t just be a hermit forever,” Jared said. “Besides, it’s our senior year. That has to mean something.”

“I guess,” Jensen said. “It just means that there’s one more year to go.”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “One more year.”

“You don’t sound super excited about that,” Jensen said. Jensen was more than ready to be done. He was ready to close this chapter of his life, leave it behind, and move on to the next 

“Yeah, well, that just means change.”

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of change.”

“I’m not scared of change, exactly,” Jared said. “I think I’m more scared of everything that comes along with it.”

“I’m not sure that I’m following.”

“It’s just…” Jared started. “It’s just that change means new things and new things mean new expectations and I’m not really sure that I’m ready for it. All of the new expectations, I mean.”

“So you’re scared that you’re not going to live up to what they want and expect?”

“I guess. I just, I don’t even know what I want to study in college yet, but my parents, and even my grandparents, have all these things that they want me to do, like being successful and making lots of money and all of this other stuff and I don’t know if I’m ever going to live up to that.”

“It’s a lot of pressure,” Jensen said. “But I have two things to say. One, as someone who definitely failed nearly all of the expectations that were set up by their parents, I can say that it sucks, but if your parents really love you, they will be able to move past it and still love you. I mean, I doubt that you’ll ever fail expectations the way I did, but I’m sure that you’re parents will still love you, even if things don’t go the way they have it planned.”

“What’s the second thing?”

Jensen took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to say, but felt that he had to say it anyway. “If the biggest thing you have to worry about is not being as successful as what your parents want, then you’ve got it pretty good.”

“What do you mean?”

This was becoming much harder to explain and talk about than Jensen thought. “Look, I’m not trying to invalidate your fears or worries or anything like that, but I’m just saying that if your biggest fear is not living up to parental expectations, you’ve got it pretty good.” Jensen took another deep breath before continuing on. “I mean, I already spent a couple months in juvie and another couple months on probation, but there’s always still the possibility that I could end up right back in juvie. All it’s going to take is one mistake and I’m going to be back and I constantly worry about that. It’s never ending because I really don’t want to go back there.”

“Jensen?” Jared asked in a soft voice.

Jensen rubbed his hands over his face and let out a breath. “I think I need to tell you what happened.”

“What do you mean? Like why you went to juvie?”

“Yeah.”

“Jensen, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I totally understand if you want to keep that information to yourself. I get it.”

“It’s not that. It’s just, I feel like I need to tell you,” Jensen said. “Well, I feel like I need to tell someone and just talk about it with someone and you’re about the only person I trust enough to talk about this stuff with.”

Jared was silent for a brief moment and Jensen wondered if he had said too much already. He wondered if Jared was just going to get up and leave. “I’m willing to listen,” Jared finally said. It may have only been a few seconds, but to Jensen, Jared’s silence felt like it lasted hours. “But I’m only going to listen if you’re sure that you want to do this. I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me anything.”

“That’s the thing though,” Jensen said. “You don’t expect it, but you say that you’re going to be there.”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“No,” Jensen said. That was exactly what he needed. He needed someone who was willing to listen and someone who wouldn’t judge him for what happened. Jensen knew that that person was Jared, who had been able to look past so much of Jensen, despite the rocky start to their friendship. 

Jensen knew that he had the chance to keep quiet and not say anything, but he knew that he needed to share it with Jared. Jared had never once asked him what happened, unlike so many other people. Jared had been able to accept Jensen for who he was, despite his criminal record. For all of that, Jensen would be eternally grateful. 

“I was sixteen when I was arrested,” Jensen started. “Well, actually you should know some other things first. I came out to my parents when I was fourteen. It was so scared that they were going to kick me out or do something horrible that I put off telling them for two years, but finally I worked up the courage to tell them. It was over dinner one night and my little sister was staying at a friend’s house, so I figured that that would be the best time. It was just my parents, me, and my older brother. So I came out. I told them I was gay.” Jensen paused trying to force back all of the negative memories that surfaced with it.

“Jensen, if you don’t—“

“I want to tell you,” Jensen said. “It’s just really hard.”

“Ok, but just so you know, you can stop at any time.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said. He took a deep breath. “I came out and no one said anything. I didn’t really know how to take it because I was expecting something, even if it was them yelling at me, but it never really came. I looked at my dad you could just see the anger radiating off him and I got scared. I knew that he was mad and I didn’t know what to do, so I looked to my mom and my brother for help. My dad started to say something, but my mom interrupted and told my brother and I to go upstairs. Josh protested, but gave in and dragged me upstairs.”

Jensen remembered what it was like being dragged up the stairs by his older brother and shoved into his room. He remembered Josh coming in and closing the door behind him. “Josh asked if I was ok, and you know I really wasn’t. I mean, how can you be when your dad reacts like that when you try and come out, but I told Josh it was ok. I don’t think he believed me, but he told me that it didn’t matter to him and that I was still his brother. I don’t think he realized how much that meant to me, but at the same time I was still trying to figure out what was going on with my parents. They hadn’t said much and I never got to hear anything from my dad. 

“Josh stayed upstairs with me while our parents talked downstairs. I never really found out what they talked about. All I know is that I only saw my dad once after that. I don’t really think we were supposed to see each other. He saw me and he just had this look on his face that I was disgusting and he hated me. I couldn’t quite decipher it, but I knew he was mad. He never said anything and I never saw him again.” The memories were coming back in full force by this point and Jensen just wanted them gone. They were just too painful to think about, but he knew he had to keep going.

“Did your…did your dad leave because of you?” Jared asked, his voice so quiet that Jensen barely heard it.

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “Well, I think he did, but my mom and my brother are adamant that it had nothing to do with me. I don’t really believe it because it just doesn’t make any sense any other way. My dad leaves the day I after I come out and then the only time I see him afterwards when he’s giving me this look of hatred and disgust? I think it was pretty obvious what happened, even if my mom and Josh don’t want to believe it. Either way, my dad left and that’s when a lot of problems started. 

“I went to a private school and while it was decently sized, everyone knew everyone. We were in class with the same people since preschool so everyone knew everything about everyone. When something changed, it wasn’t that long before everyone knew about it. When my dad left, it was huge news because things like that don’t happen very often. It didn’t take long for the rumors to start and I think that’s what really started it. I couldn’t stand them. I couldn’t stand the way that people talked about my family, as if they knew everything about us. They didn’t know anything and every rumor was crazier than the last and I just couldn’t stand it anymore. So I started fighting back.” He remembered the first fight that he had got in. A kid had been passing on a rumor that his mom was sleeping around and that his dad caught her so he just got up and left. That was the farthest thing from the truth and Jensen didn’t hesitate when he punched the kid square in the face.

“I started to end up in detention a lot. I went from a kid who never even had a late assignment to someone who was spending more days in detention than out,” Jensen explained. He remembered sitting down with his mom to discuss what was happening because she couldn’t wrap her head around what was happening to Jensen to make him act like this. It just wasn’t like him. Then there was Josh who got so mad at him because of what he was doing. He still remembered his brother telling him that he was better than this and he needed to cut it out.

“I just couldn’t stop. I just wanted everything to just stop and everyone to just go away and mind their own business. The problem was that they wouldn’t. They were too obsessed with the stories of other people to move passed that and so the rumors continued to spread. I know that my fighting did nothing to help the rumors since then they changed to me being so out of control that my dad couldn’t stand me anymore, but at least they weren’t talking about my mom anymore. That was about the only good thing.

“At that point, no one knew that I was gay. I tried to keep that fact well hidden because I was scared. I had been terrified to tell my parents and then look what happened when I actually did. I was scared that people were going to find out and were going to treat me the same way my dad did. By that point, a lot of my friends had stopped hanging out with me, probably because they didn’t want to be associated with me anymore. Or maybe their parents told them to stay away from me. I don’t really know, but I mean, I couldn’t blame them.”

Jensen paused, needing time to take another deep breath. He was coming to the point in the story where he didn’t know if he was actually going to be able to continue. He knew that he had to, to let Jared know about all of him, but it was hard. He didn’t want to relive those memories. He spent so much time trying to forget them and make them go away, but he knew that they wouldn’t ever truly leave him. He might be able to forget things temporarily, but they’d always be back eventually.

“Then I was sixteen and I was still fighting. Everyone always says that it will get better, but it really doesn’t. They’re all just liars,” Jensen said bitterly. He remembered when his mom and his brother would always tell him that it would get better. He believed them at first, but it quickly became clear that it really wouldn’t. “I was getting ready to leave school one day. My mom was busy with something. I don’t really remember what, but for some reason she couldn’t pick me up from school that day, so I was going to walk home.

“Anyway, these three guys were following me, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. They were whispering, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to much attention to them,” Jensen said. Even now, he wished he would have paid more attention to what they were saying. Maybe if he would have heard some of the stuff in the beginning, he would have caught on and would have just left before things could have gotten out of hand. “By the time I actually did hear what they were saying, it was really nasty stuff. They pretty much relayed every single rumor about my family that had been passed around. They also made some new assumptions, one of which really set me off. They said…” Jensen trailed off. He just couldn’t bring himself to repeat what they had said. 

“Anyway, they said it and I didn’t think. I turned around and started punching, kicking, doing whatever I could. It was like all of those other fights were just a warm up or something because it felt like I was finally getting revenge on everyone by attacking those three guys,” Jensen said. “And I know that sounds terrible and makes me sound like a horrible person. I know, but at that time, that’s how it felt and I can’t even begin to tell you how guilty that makes me feel when I think back on it.”

“But, they fought back and it got really nasty. I got pretty bruised up and had a few cuts, but it was nothing compared to what I did to them. All three of them ended up in the hospital, one of them was there for a couple weeks because of what I did to him. At least that’s what I was told,” Jensen said. “Once I realized what I did, I got really freaked out and ran. I didn’t know what else I could do, so I just ran. The kids obviously were able to get help and once they were at the hospital, at least one of them, maybe more, were able to identify me. The cops showed up at my house later that night and arrested me.” That was the one night Jensen knew he would always remember with absolute clarity. He remembered his mom letting the officers in. He remembered the officers questioning him and not buying the lies he tried to produce. He remembered the police officers telling him that he had been identified and that they were going to have to take him in. More than anything, he remembered being handcuffed in his own home and escorted out while his mom stood there sobbing, unable to do anything.

Jensen was silent. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to continue. It was all just starting to be too much. He chanced a look up at Jared whose face was etched with concern, worry, and sadness.

“You…you don’t have to keep going, Jensen,” Jared had said.

Jensen wanted to agree with him He wanted to stop telling this story because of all of the feelings and memories that were brought back. However, he knew that he had to continue. He shook his head and said, “I have to finish this.” He took one more deep breath and then continued. “I was brought over to juvie and processed. I didn’t really know what was happening or what I was supposed to do, but I remember everything. I remember that first night there and how scared I was because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. No one had really told me. All I knew was that I was going to have a hearing in the next couple of days that would determine what would happen.

“My mom came to visit the day before the hearing. That was one of the worst days of my life. She couldn’t stop crying, not that I could blame her. I finally told her what happened,” Jensen said. “It was enough to get a better idea of what was going on. She was so disappointed and I don’t think that I’ll ever forget that look.”

Jensen took another deep breath, needing to calm himself again. Jared needed to know this, but that didn’t make telling him any easier. “Anyway, my mom couldn’t stay forever and so she left and I was still stuck there.

“I finally had my hearing. That was when I found out that that was only to decide what to do with me until my actual trial. The judge was pretty unforgiving. She told me that I was a menace to society and that I should have to stay here until my trial because I was too dangerous. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I hated that place. I wanted nothing more than to go home with my mom. I had told her that I promised that I would stay out of trouble and that I would do anything just to get out of there,” Jensen explained. “But she wouldn’t budge. I had to stay there in that hell hole.

“Then there was my actual trial. I wasn’t really surprised when they found me guilty. By that point, all three boys had separately identified me and I didn’t really have anyone or anything to back up my lie to the police. So I was sentenced. I was supposed to spend at least three months in juvie, depending on my behavior there and if I completed the programs. Then they would talk about probation, so at least then I wouldn’t be in juvie, but I’d still be under their supervision. 

“I ended up spending four months there and I hated every minute of it,” Jensen said. “They put me in therapy so I could work with a counselor on my anger problems. That was four whole months of my life that I’ll never get back and I hate myself for it. But, I was eventually released. Kind of. They gave me this monitor so they know if I go anywhere that I’m not supposed to, which sucks, but it’s my own fault. I screwed up back then and I have to live with it.”

“I don’t think it was your fault,” Jared said quietly.

“What?” Jensen knew that he couldn’t have heard that right.

“Yes, you beat up those kids and that’s horrible, but you were provoked.”

“Yeah well, you’re probably the only person who sees it that way. For most people, all they see is that I beat up some kids and deserve to be punished for it. It’s as simple as that,” Jensen said. He was going to leave it there, but he heard the sounds of Jared getting ready to say something else. “I know that that sounds horrible, but that’s the reality and I have to live with. I may hate it, but I’ve come to terms with it. I know that I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I can’t blame them for my actions.”

***

When Jensen finished his story, Jared couldn’t help but feel a little awkward about his worries. His fears still scared him, but he realized that he really didn’t have that much to worry about. 

“Jensen, I…” Jared started to say, but he just couldn’t find the words. Jensen had just told Jared everything and he didn’t know what he could say. There really wasn’t anything. He couldn’t help but feel terrible about himself. His boyfriend had just bared his whole soul to him and now there was nothing else that he could say.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jensen said.

“But I feel like I should,” Jared said. “I feel like there should be something that I could say, but I don’t even know.”

“I’m not really expecting you to say anything, to be honest. I just…I just feel that, now especially, you should know everything. It’s only fair.”

“It has nothing to do with fairness,” Jared said. Sure, he had always wondered about Jensen, but that didn’t mean that he was entitled to that kind of information. Just because he told Jensen about his fears and insecurities didn’t mean that Jensen had to tell his story. “But I am happy you told me.”

“Really?”

“I mean, I wish you wouldn’t have had to go through all of that, don’t get me wrong. It sucks, but I feel like I know you so much better now.”

“Do you realize how cheesy that sounds?”

Jared shrugged. “Yeah, but that’s not really the point. The point is that I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that and I know that you don’t want my pity and that’s not what I want to give you. I just…I just don’t really know what to say.”

“It’s ok,” Jensen said. “I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t know what to say either.”

Jared and Jensen were both silent for a few moments. “Can I ask one question?”

“Sure,” Jensen said automatically. Jared figured that he was probably expecting a lot more than just one question.

“Why’d you move here?” Jared asked. “I mean, I know you aren’t exactly from here and that you were going to a different school before, but why?”

“My mom decided that that would be best,” Jensen said. “I think she thought that if we moved, I could get a new start and wouldn’t have to face those people again and that would help me stay out of trouble. They moved when I was in juvie so I’m sure part of it had to be because of that. You have to understand that I was in a relatively small, private school. Everyone knew everyone and I knew how much those people talked when my dad left. I can only imagine what the talked about once I was in juvie. So I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom left just to get away from it all and work on a new start for her and my sister.”

“Oh,” Jared said. That made sense.

“It probably also didn’t help that I was expelled from my old school, so I wouldn’t have been able to go back even if I would have wanted to. Not that I did, but still.”

“But didn’t you say everything happened when you were walking home from school? Wouldn’t that mean that it was off school grounds?”

“Technically,” Jensen said. “But there was so much other stuff. They were a private school, so they could kick out students if they wanted to. It’s not like it is here where they have to accept you unless you do something on school grounds. It would have been one thing if it would have just been a quick, little thing and all four of us could have walked away, but it wasn’t. I was arrested and that was the biggest reason. So they kicked me out.”

“Do you miss it there?” Jared asked. He had to know. 

Jensen seemed to think about this for a few moments. “You know, I’m not really sure. I mean, I miss how everything used to be, before, but at the same time, I don’t. I mean, I learned so much from all of that. I learned how judgmental people are, especially those people. They were all pretty well off people and they thought they were better than everyone else. So many of them were so wrapped up in other people’s business and I didn’t want to be like that. It was once my dad left when things got really bad and I just realized that I didn’t want to be like that. The scary part is that if I would have stayed, I don’t know if I would have ended up just like them. I easily could have been and now that I can look back with a new pair of eyes, I know that that is not the kind of person that I want to be.”

“So you don’t miss it?”

“I guess not. I just wish that my family could be a family again. As much as I hate my dad for leaving, I really wish I could talk to him, just once to ask him why all of that was more important than staying with his family. But after everything, I honestly don’t think I miss it. All of those people just turned on me and I hated it and I realized that that’s not the kind of people I want to associate with.”

Jared nodded in understanding.

“I want to associate with people like you,” Jensen said quietly.

“People like me?”

“People who are willing to look passed things. I mean, sure we started off kind of rocky and whatever, but you were really able to look passed the fact I was in juvie and look at me instead for the person I am now. I think those are the kind of people I want to be around.”

Jared didn’t know how to respond to that. He was happy that Jensen found someone he could trust, even if it was scary to think that he was that person, but Jensen was right. Jared was able to look beyond Jensen’s past. Jared knew that everyone who focused solely on that was missing out on knowing an absolutely wonderful person. “I’m still really happy that you told me,” Jared finally said. “It means a lot.”

“Yeah?”

“I think it means that you finally trust me enough. I mean, I get why you didn’t tell me before, but now you trust me enough to tell me.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “I haven’t really told anyone. I mean, my mom knows and my brother knows, but that’s about it, unless you count all of the people that have access to my files.”

“But they don’t really count, do they?” Jared asked. “All those people who read your files, I mean. They don’t know what you really went through. They heard about it from some piece of paper, not from you. They never really got to hear about how you were feeling and what you really went through.”

“Well in that case, you might not count my mom or my brother then,” Jensen said.

“What?”

“They know some things, but they don’t know everything.”

Did that mean was Jared thought it did? “So I’m the only one who knows?” Jared asked, slightly unsure of himself.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, basically.”

“Jensen, that’s… I…” Once again, Jared just couldn’t find the words to speak. It was so much harder than he thought. But now, knowing that he was the only person that Jensen had truly opened up to meant so much and Jared didn’t know how to feel about it.

“It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not,” Jared said simply. “I don’t think it will ever be ok, but you have to know that I am so proud of you. I mean, you told me everything and I didn’t even have to ask. I am so proud that you are able to keep going everyday, despite everything you went through. I don’t think that you’ll ever really know how proud I am of you.”

“Huh.” Jensen stared at the ground but Jared was pretty sure that he saw a hint of a smile there. “You are something else, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told,” Jared said. “Mostly by you though, so I don’t know if that really counts.”

“Either way,” Jensen said. “Thank you. Most people wouldn’t stick around this long. Hell, most people haven’t stuck around this long.”

“Hey, it had nothing to do with me. I stayed around because of you.”

“That’s why. Most people just see the criminal record and automatically make their judgments. Most people don’t stick around long enough to get to know me. Not that I blame them.”

“They’re just missing out,” Jared said.

Jensen chuckled. “Whatever you say.”

“It’s true,” Jared insisted. “They’re missing out on getting to know one of the smartest, nicest, most interesting people I know.”

“You must not know a lot of people if I’m the most interesting.”

“Well, I mean, you’re so different from everyone else,” Jared said. “That’s what makes you interesting.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Good,” Jared said. “That’s really, really good. I love you.”

Jensen seemed a little taken aback by Jared’s declaration, but recovered quickly. “I love you, too,” he said.

Jared leaned forward and pressed his lips to on Jensen’s. Jensen wasted no time in returning the kiss, deepening it making Jared moan in pleasure. 

This, Jared decided, was the perfect moment that he could live in forever.


	16. Chapter 16

The first day of school came too soon for Jared’s liking. He was excited to get back to seeing his friends everyday, but knew that he would miss the lack of responsibilities that summer had provided him. However, he would get to see Jensen everyday and that definitely had to count for something. 

Jensen and Jared had already compared their school schedules and found, much to their dismay, that they only had one class together: their sixth period Economics class. At least they would still have lunch together everyday. At least Jared assumed that they would be having lunch together everyday. They hadn’t explicitly discussed it, but when the bell rang signaling the start of the lunch period, Jared didn’t think twice about heading out back behind the school. Sure enough, there was Jensen, sitting on the ground, his back against the wall.

“Glad to see you didn’t forget about our tradition,” Jensen said.

“How could I forget?” Jared asked. “This was the whole reason we became friends in the first place.” Jared reached into his bag and pulled out a sandwich. He offered it to Jensen.

“And you even thought of me?”

“I couldn’t let my boyfriend starve,” Jared said. Last night, while he had been making his sandwiches, he was reminded of the first night he did this, when he felt completely unsure of himself. He hadn’t known if Jensen would even accept the sandwich or his company, but Jensen had surprised him and accepted both.

“You’re too nice to me.”

Jared shrugged as he pulled out his own sandwich and took a huge bite. “How was your morning?” he asked through a mouthful of sandwich.

“Same old,” Jensen said.

“But you’re taking mostly honors classes this year,” Jared said. He had remembered when Jensen had first told him that he would be transferring into the more advanced classes. Jared had been impressed to say the least. 

“Yeah, well,” Jensen said, hastily trying to chew and swallow the bite of sandwich he had just taken. “Honors classes are kind of a bit of a joke. It’s just a bunch of people who think that they are better than everyone else, but really, the classes aren’t much different. I mean, there’s maybe a little more homework, but there really isn’t that much of a difference.”

“Huh,” Jared said.

“What? Were you expecting it to be some kind of secret cult of overachievers or something?”

“No, because then you wouldn’t be in it,” Jared said matter-of-factly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you are smart, but you do what’s expected. You don’t really go out of your way to go above and beyond. At least academically.”

“Hmm,” Jensen said, appearing to think about it. “I guess that kind of makes sense.”

“Exactly, like what I said,” Jared said. “But seriously? There wasn’t anything exciting this morning? At all?”

“Not really. The high point was the Honors English class. Our first book of the year is Frankenstein,” Jensen said.

“I’m sure you’re going to have a really tough time with that,” Jared said. He knew that Frankenstein was one of Jensen’s favorite books, so he was probably really excited about reading that for class.

“Hey, it’s so much better than the stuff I could be reading.”

“There’s stuff you don’t like?” Jared asked, feigning shock. “I thought you liked everything.”

“I’ll give anything a chance,” Jensen corrected. “There are some books that I tried and refuse to go near ever again.”

“Like what?”

“Heart of Darkness, for starters,” Jensen said. “I had to read that in, what? The beginning of my sophomore year maybe? I don’t remember exactly, but all I know is that that was without a doubt, the worst book I ever read. Even our teacher wasn’t a fan of it.”

“Bet that made for some interesting discussions.”

“Not really. Instead we tried to move through it really fast so no one had to think about it for very long.”

“That’s one way to do it,” Jared said.

“What about you?” Jensen asked. “Anything interesting happen to you?”

“Not really,” Jared said.

“Then how can you get on my case for not having anything interesting happen to me this morning?”

Jared just shrugged. “I don’t know. I just did.”

“That’s mean.”

The boys sat in silence for a few moments while they each finished their lunch.

“Hard to believe this is our last year here,” Jared said.

“Yeah, but even better is that I turn 18 in March which means that this,” Jensen said, motioning toward his ankle monitor, “will finally come off.”

Jared couldn’t help but smile. “I can’t wait.”

“Yeah, well, I think I’m a little more anxious than you,” Jensen said.

“I never said you weren’t.”

“I just want it off. I want to be able to go places without my mom. I want to be able to live without the constant fear that it’s just one mistake until I’m back inside.”

Jared didn’t quite know how to respond to that. “But eventually it’s going to come off and then we are going to celebrate,” Jared said.

“How so?”

“I have a few ideas,” Jared said, refusing to share any details with Jensen. 

“Tell me.”

“Nope.” He wasn’t going to share anything. The truth was that he had spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen once Jensen didn’t have his ankle monitor anymore. Jared couldn’t wait because that meant that they would actually be able to spend time in places besides school and Jensen’s house. Jared would be able to have Jensen over or they could go out somewhere. No matter what happened, Jared was just excited about the prospect of having more freedom with Jensen. Although he would never admit it out loud, he sort of felt like he was also getting punished for Jensen’s actions. Jensen couldn’t go anywhere, so Jared was restricted to only visiting Jensen at his house. It sucked and Jared hated it. Only a few more months, he reminded himself. Just a few more months.

***

“This sucks,” Jared said as he flopped on to the couch in Jensen’s basement. “Being a senior sucks.”

Jensen just laughed. “What’s your problem now?”

“College applications. You would think that seniors have enough going on without having to worry about all of this other nonsense,” Jared ranted. “And these essays that we have to write? Who comes up with these? Write an essay about something that’s under appreciated in life? What are you even supposed to write about? These college applications are a nightmare.”

“Sounds like it,” Jensen said simply. 

Something just seemed off and Jared didn’t know quite what it was, but something about Jensen’s response just didn’t sit right. “Jensen? Are you…are you not applying to college?” Jared asked slowly. He didn’t have a problem if Jensen didn’t want to go to college. He knew that was Jensen’s choice, but Jensen was so smart and it seemed like Jensen would just be wasting a huge opportunity if he passed it up.

“No,” Jensen said. “At least…at least not now.”

“Why? You’re so smart,” Jared argued. “I mean you’re probably more likely to get in than me.”

“You’re forgetting that I also have a criminal record,” Jensen reminded him. 

Jared didn’t know why, but he always seemed to forget that small detail about Jensen. Maybe that was a good thing, but every time Jensen brought it up, Jared had to stop and think for a moment. “Oh,” Jared said. “But couldn’t you still apply. They can’t dismiss you just based on that can they?”

“I think technically they can’t,” Jensen said, “but I figure I can take a year off and try and make some money so I can actually pay for it. By then I’ll be eighteen and my ankle monitor will be gone and I can have my records sealed. Then I can maybe start over.”

“I get that, I really do,” Jared said, “but you could still apply and get started. With your grades, I’m sure there’s plenty of schools that would love to have you.”

“Until they see my record,” Jensen explained. “I mean yeah I have good grades and everything but I also have an expulsion, suspension, and a long list of detentions on my record. That’s going to be enough for anyone to not want me.”

Jensen sounded so heartbroken and Jared didn’t know what he could do to fix it. He understood what Jensen was saying but that didn’t make it any easier for Jared to know what to say. “So you’re just going to wait then?”

“That’s the plan,” Jensen sighed. 

“And your mom’s on board with that plan?”

Jensen shrugged. “I haven’t really brought it up with her to be honest. I know she wants me to go to school and have as much of a life as I possibly can, but she knows that it’s not that easy. As long as I stay out of trouble and have a long term plan that involves going to school, I think she’ll be ok with it. She might not like it, but she’ll be ok with it.”

“But you still want to go,” Jared said. “I can tell.”

“I mean yeah I want to go, but I want to be able to take a walk to the park or hell, even go to your house,” Jensen said. “College just isn’t int he cards for me right now. Maybe in a year or two, but not now.”

Jared didn’t know how to respond. As he filled out his college applications, all he could think about was starting over and what his college experience would be like. It was hard to imagine not starting over or even going to college at all. Jensen would be staying at home with his mom and sister, while Jared and the rest of the kids in their class went off to college and started new chapters in their lives. Jensen would be starting a new chapter of his life too, but it wasn’t the same as going off to school and having all the new adventures that college brings.

“So what about you,” Jensen asked. “What’s your plan?”

“I don’t really know. I’m applying to a few schools in Texas, but I think that I might want to try somewhere else?”

“Somewhere out of state?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah,” Jared said. “I don’t know where yet, but yeah.”

Jensen was quiet, but Jared had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking. If Jensen was going to stay around here and work for a year or two, Jared wouldn’t be here. They hadn’t really been apart for that long before and Jared had to admit that he didn’t really like the idea of spending an entire year away from Jensen.

“That’s great, Jared. I mean, you’re smart and I’m sure you’ll get in to a bunch of places.”

“I hope so,” Jared said. “My parents want me to apply to a bunch of schools, just in case, but I mean, I guess we’ll see what happens and which schools want me.”

“You’ll be fine,” Jensen promised.

Again, silence took hold of the pair, leaving each boy to his own thoughts. Jared kept thinking back to what they were discussing before: how Jensen isn’t even going to apply to any schools. He just couldn’t wrap his head around it. Jensen was so smart and would no doubt get into any school he applied to, but there was still the issue of his record. Jared knew that that would definitely be a set back, but there had to be something else. Jensen seemed so upset by the fact that he wouldn’t be able to got to college.

“You know,” Jensen said, breaking the silence. “I always thought I was going to go to some big fancy college. It was almost expected. Josh went off and it just seemed natural that I would be next, and then Mackenzie after me. When I got arrested everything changed and I don’t really know what’s going to happen.”

“I know you’re going to figure it out Jensen,” Jared tried to say.

“But it’s not just that,” Jensen said. “Ever since I got arrested, it’s all been so messed up. I know that it’s my fault and I can accept that, but I feel like I’m paying for that mistake now and I’m going to have to keep paying for it for the rest of my life because it screwed up so many plans. Let’s be real, I’m not going to be going to school with you next year. Hell, I’m not going to be going to any school and after taking a year off, who knows if anyone will even let me in?”

“Jensen,” Jared started, but Jensen interrupted again.

“Jared, I just… I just want to be normal again,” Jensen said, his voice a mix of hurt, sadness, confusion, and frustration. “I want to be able to get excited about going to college and just be a normal kid, but it just doesn’t happen. It’s as simple as that.”

“I really don’t know what to tell you, Jensen. I really don’t, but I can promise you that I’ll be around and just because I go off to college, doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget about you,” Jared said. “I know you want to be normal and not have all this stuff hanging over your head, but one day you will. It’s only a couple months until your ankle monitor comes off and then you can do what you want. I know that you are going to wait, but you can still apply and you can still go off to school. You might not be on the same track as everyone, but that’s ok. You just have to do things at your speed.”

“It’s just hard, Jay,” Jensen said. “It’s just really, really hard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is that I finally finished editing everything (just in time for NaNoWriMo to start up again). There's still a few more chapters to go so I'm going to try to post every other day until everything is up. Thanks so much for sticking with this story and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.

Jared and Jensen walked back toward Jensen’s house after school. It was a nice, warm and sunny afternoon with a light breeze. They were joking about the latest rumor that was floating around the school, something about some freshman girl who had run off to get married to her twenty year old boyfriend in Mexico.

“There is no way that’s true,” Jensen said. “It’s just not possible.”

“See you think that, but last year, I think it was before you transferred, there was a rumor going around that Mrs. Lewis, you know, one of the sophomore English teachers, was in a porno and let me tell you that that you will never get that image out of your head,” Jared explained. “Every now and again, one of these things turn out to be true.”

“Ok. First, that is absolutely disgusting and something I never want to think about. But this?” Jensen said. “You can’t honestly tell me that you believe that.”

“I never said that,” Jared said. “I just want to point out that sometimes there can be truth to them.”

“Whatever,” Jensen said. “I still don’t believe it. She’ll show up eventually.”

“Why is it really so hard for you to believe that some of these might actually be true?”

“Do you really have to ask that question? Who would have thought that I would date someone so incredibly gullible?”

“That’s fucking disgusting,” a voice behind them said. Jared and Jensen both stopped in their tracks. They had been so wrapped up in their conversation that the didn’t notice that they were being followed. Two teenage boys stood behind them. Jared was pretty sure they went to their school, but were two years below them.

“Why don’t you just shut up?” Jensen said. He turned around to keep walking, tugging on Jared’s arm to keep moving. 

“I like a good blow job as much as the next guy, but why would you want to let another guy do it. It’s just disgusting,” the taller of the two boys said.

Jensen just kept walking, pulling along with them. Jared did his best to tune them out. He figured that that would be the best policy, but it was proving to be difficult. The boys just wouldn’t stop talking and they wouldn’t walk away either. Jared chanced a glance over toward Jensen. Jared could practically see the anger rising in Jensen. His hands were starting to shake. Jared knew that Jensen was doing his best to ignore the two boys, but as hard as it was for Jared, he knew that it was harder for Jensen. He just took things a bit more personally. 

“Fucking disgusting fags. That’s what you are.”

Jared didn’t even have time to blink. Jensen had spun around and punched the taller boy. The shorter one stood in shock for a moment before pulling something out of his pocket and lunging toward Jensen. Jensen must have been paying attention, because he was able to grab the shorter boy’s hand and keep it away. 

Holy shit, Jared thought. He has a knife. It was a small pocket knife, but it was still a knife and he was going to try and use it on him and Jensen.

Jared couldn’t do anything. He was too paralyzed in fear as he watched the situation unfold in front of him. The two younger boys fighting against Jensen. It was like everything was in slow motion. Jared saw every punch, every hit and every miss. It was absolutely horrifying.

Then, just as it started, everything stopped. The two boys went sprinting off in the opposite direction, leaving Jared and Jensen standing there alone, with the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

“Jared,” Jensen yelled, desperately trying to get Jared’s attention. “Jared!” 

Jared whipped around to stare at Jensen. Holy crap! Jensen’s face had blood on it. It already looked like it was going to bruise. “Jensen—“

“Jared, listen to me. You have to get out of here. You have to run and you can’t tell people that you were here, ok?”

“But—“

“There isn’t time. You need to get out of here! Please!” Jensen begged.

The sirens got louder and louder. “Jared, now. Please!”

Jared didn’t know why, but he turned around and started running. He felt as if he wasn’t in control of his own body, like someone else was using a remote control and determining where he was going and what his body was doing. He didn’t know how long he ran, but eventually he was facing his own house. He must have just ran a mile. 

He leaned over and promptly threw up.

***

Jensen watched as Jared ran away, incredibly thankful that Jared had listened to him. For a few moments, Jensen thought that Jared was just going to stay there, and Jensen knew that would have just been more trouble. He just wanted to get Jared out of there, before the police came and arrested him too.

The sirens were almost deafening now. Jensen looked over and saw two police cars pull up. He took a step back and held his hands up, knowing that this was it for him. He was going to be arrested and taken back to juvie.

Everything passed in a blur. He barely registered talking to the police officer and giving him his name. He registered the police officer spinning him around and placing the cool, metal handcuffs on his wrists. But he couldn’t give any details. It was so unlike the last time, where he could accurately remember every single detail. This time though, it was different. It was like he was stuck in his head and wasn’t able to completely see the world around him.

By the time Jensen finally got a grip on himself, he was in the back of the police car, inside the intake area in juvie.

Jensen was led out of the back of the police car and into the intake area of the Travis County Juvenile Corrections Center. He felt a shiver run up his spine.  It had been over a year since he had been here the first time, but he couldn't completely suppress all of the memories.  

"We have one for you, Gina," the officer said. "You can stand right by that wall."

Jensen listened as the officer and Gina discussed him. His name, what he had been brought in for, and other little details. Jensen tried to just tune everything out as he stared at the floor.

“Ok, Jensen," Gina said. He looked up and noticed that the police officer was gone.  "I'm going to have you come right over here so we can take your picture.  It was humiliating taking the mugshot. It was horrible the first time and even worse the second time because it just reminded Jensen of how much he had screwed up. He wondered what his mother was going to say when they called her. He didn't even know what he would say to her.

The handcuffs were removed and he was led to a holding cell. It was an empty room, with four white walls and a bench. He heard the door shut behind him and lock.

Jensen sank onto the bench and held his head in his hands.  This was it. He had finally screwed up and there was no way he was coming back from this. He was going to be stuck here until his eighteenth birthday, which was months away. There was still Thanksgiving, Christmas, his little sisters birthday, and so much more. He was going to miss all of it. Instead he was going to be stuck in here.

The only good thing to come out of this was that Jared didn’t get caught. Thankfully, Jared had listened and got himself out of there before he could get wrapped up in all of this. Jared wasn’t here and he just had to keep reminding himself that. He didn't even care what happened to the two kids he was fighting. The important thing was that Jared was ok.

With that thought safely and firmly cemented in his brain, his thoughts started to wander. What was his mom going to say? He knew that she would be disappointed and he wouldn't blame her.  He had promised her so many times that he was going to stay out of trouble and here he was, sitting in a holding cell in juvie.

"Jensen?" Someone asked when they opened the door. "Come on."

He stood up and followed her to her office, his head hung low. She sat at her desk and instructed him to sit across from her.  She fastened a handcuff on his wrist. He thought it seemed pointless because it wasn't as if he was going to try and run.  That would just be stupid, but he supposed there were other kids who came in here that probably actually tried.

"Let's see, Jensen," she asked. Sarah Johnson, her nameplate read.  "This isn't your first time here?"

"No."

"Why were you here the last time?" She asked.

"Fighting," he said, keeping his answers brief and to the point. She typed a few notes into her computer.

"Now, were you released?"

"I was on probation," Jensen said.

"Ok," she said, typing some more notes. "So what happened today?"

"I, uh," Jensen said. "I was walking home and these guys and started talking and then we were fighting."

"What made you guys start fighting?"

"I don't know." Lies, he told himself. Lies. He knew exactly what had started the fight and caused him to go off on them. He also knew that there was a fourth person there, but he wasn't going to let Jared get wrapped up in all of this.

"So you just started fighting?" She asked.  Jensen knew that she didn't believe him. He knew that he wasn't exactly convincing, but what could he do? Admitting the truth would mean that Jared's name could be brought up and then he could end up here for being in a fight and Jensen just couldn't have that.

"I guess," Jensen said.

She stared at him for a moment and said, "Ok. Let's call your parents."

It was the moment Jensen had been dreading since he was brought in.  Being in juvie was one thing, but having to call him mom and tell her that he was in juvie.

Sarah put the phone on speaker and dialed Jensen's house. It was agony listening to the phone ring. Finally, there was an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi, am I speaking with Donna Ackles?"

"This is she."

"Hi," Sarah said. "This is Sarah. I'm with intake down at Travis County Juvenile Detention Center. I'm calling because we have Jensen in our custody."

There was silence on the other end.  Jensen didn't know what to think. He just wanted her to say something, anything. Even hearing her scream in anger would be better than this.

"Ma'am?"

"I'm here.  What happened?"

"He was in a fight and was arrested. His hearing is going to be on Tuesday. Will you be able to attend?"

"Yeah—yes. I'll be there."

"Ok,"Sarah said.  "Would you like to talk to Jensen?"

"Yes."

"Ok, here he is." Sarah pushed the phone closer toward Jensen.

"Mom, I'm sorry," Jensen said.

"Jensen, I thought you said this wasn't going to happen anymore." Jensen could hear the disappointment in her voice and it made him miserable. He hated that he was doing this to his mom.  He knew that he had no one to blame but himself, but why did all of this stuff always happen to him? Why couldn't trouble just stay away?

"I know, mom. I know that I promised, but this wasn't supposed to happen.  I messed up." He knew that she would never buy that excuse.

"Jensen, a mistake is this happening one time. You get getting suspended was a mistake, but this is just unacceptable. I just…I don't know what to do anymore," she said.

Jensen swallowed hard. "I know, mom. I know and you have to know that I'm sorry and that I didn't want to do it—I didn't mean to do it."

"But you did, Jensen." It sounded like she was on the verge of tears now and Jensen hated himself even more.

"I know. It was really stupid and I shouldn't have done it."

She took a deep breath. "I'll call your brother and let him know."

Crap. He had been so wrapped up in how his mom was going to react that he had completely forgotten about his brother.  He was going to be pissed.  “Ok,” he managed to say.

There was another deep breath. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too, mom. I love you,” Jensen said.

There was a pause before she said, “I love you too. Bye, Jensen.” There was a pause. A very, very significant pause. It was almost as if she didn’t even know if she loved him or not and that broke Jensen’s heart. It was how he knew he had really screwed up. He had known it before, ever since he was first put in to the police car, but now, it was just so much more apparent. The fact that his mom had to hesitate before saying she loved him hurt more than words would ever express.

“Ok,” Sarah said. “Let’s get you back in holding. Someone will be down to take you back in a bit.”

Jensen didn’t say anything as the handcuff was removed and he was led back to the holding cell. He didn’t say anything when he was led back to the area where he would eventually join the rest of the boys in here. He kept his mouth firmly shut and tried not to let any of the tears sneak out. He had screwed up so much and it felt like there was no way that he was ever going to make it up to anyone. Not his mom, not his brother, not his sister, not even Jared. It was just another nail in his coffin and he hated himself because of it.

***

Jensen lay in his bunk that night, unable to sleep. The day’s events played over and over again in his mind and there was nothing he could do to make them go away. 

He was back. Several months had passed and he thought he was better, yet here he was. Here he was in the same building, with the same officers, and with some of the same people. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted nothing more than to go home to his mom and sister, to be in his own bed, to know that Jared was ok. Instead he was trapped here, in a cell with a tiny window and a slab of concrete with a poor excuse for a mattress. 

Jensen knew that he had no one to blame but himself and his tempter, but that didn’t make the situation any easier. He was still here and he knew that he was going to be stuck here for a very long time.


	18. Chapter 18

Jared could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He opened the door to his house and ran inside as fast as he could. There were voices behind him, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. All he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. 

He ran up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door behind him, leaning back against it. He tried to control his breathing, but nothing was working. He kept taking in huge gulps of air, trying to calm his heart before it exploded out of his chest. 

Jensen got arrested. There was no way to denying it. Jared hadn’t stayed long enough to witness it, but he knew that Jensen had been arrested and Jared didn’t know what to do. 

He sank down to the floor, still leaning back against the door, and brought his knees to his chest. 

“Oh God,” Jared mumbled. There was no way that this was happening. His boyfriend was arrested and there was probably a good chance that the cops would show up at his house tonight to question him. How could they not? Sure, the two guys probably would have harassed Jensen even if Jared wasn’t there, but having Jared there was probably the icing on the cake for them. There was no way that they were going to keep quiet about that.

Jared kept trying to calm himself down and fight off the panic that was gnawing at his insides. What would happen if he was arrested? Would he end up in juvie too? What would his parents say? What were his parents going to say when the cops showed up in the first place? Should he warn them or would that make it worse? 

Millions of questions swam through Jared’s head and he couldn’t focus on one of them, let alone all of them. He just wished that he could have a do over. A brand new day so he could avoid this whole mess. 

Jared didn’t know how long he sat there, avoiding his family and trying to figure out what to do to make this whole situation better, but unfortunately, he came up with nothing.

There was a knock on his door. “Jared, dinner’s ready,” his mom said, her voice muffled by the door.

“‘m not hungry,” Jared mumbled. The last thing he wanted to do was face his family because he knew that there was no way that he could hide this from them. His parents would immediately know that something was wrong and would press until he told them something. The problem was, he didn’t think he would be able to come up with a convincing enough lie this time.

“I don’t care. You will still come and join this family for dinner,” she said, her voice leaving no room for argument. 

For the first time in his life, Jared just didn’t care. How could he eat dinner with his family and pretend that everything was normal? Everything was so far from normal that Jared didn’t know if things would ever be ok.

“I said I’m not hungry,” Jared said, a little louder this time.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki,” his mom scolded. “You will come out of this room and join your family for dinner.”

Jared closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew he couldn’t do this, but he knew that his mother wasn’t going to let him out of it. He could sit here and keep saying no all he wanted, but eventually his mom would get his dad involved and it would just get ugly. But what would that even entail? Sure, Jared would get grounded for disrespecting his parents, but apart from that? They really couldn’t do anything and if he got grounded, big deal. He wouldn’t be able to leave the house, but lately he’d pretty much only been going out to go over by Jensen. Now, that wasn’t an option anymore.

“Jared, I will go get your father,” she threatened. 

Before she could respond, the doorbell rang and Jared felt his heart sink. He had no idea how he knew, but he knew that it was the police, coming to question him about what had happened this afternoon. 

He heard the front door open and muffled voices talking. He couldn’t make out what was being said, but eventually he heard, “Sherri!” His mom walked away as Jared slowly stood up on shaky legs, knowing that there was no way that he was going to be able to get out of this. 

Before Jared could think about it anymore, his door was opening and his dad was walking inside. “Jared,” he said. Jared couldn’t read his expression. “The police are here and they want to talk to you.”

Jared nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He stumbled out of his room and down the stairs, grabbing onto the railing tight to prevent himself from falling over. His parents were close behind him, undoubtedly sharing concerned looks between them. 

He froze at the entrance to the living room. There were two uniformed police officers standing in his living room. He stopped breathing. He stopped moving. Any thoughts that were still bouncing around in his head came to a complete stop.

“Jared Padalecki?” the taller of the two police officers asked.

Jared swallowed hard and nodded, still unsure if he could actually talk without throwing up.

“I’m Officer Jordan and this is Officer Lee. We’d like to talk to ask you a few questions if that’s ok,” Officer Jordan explained.

Again, Jared nodded, knowing that eventually he was going to have to talk to these officers, and no doubt to his parents if these officers didn’t arrest him. 

“Hey, Mom, I’m—“ Megan started to say as she entered the room, but stopped talking once she took in the scene in front of her. “What’s going—“

“Upstairs, Megan,” their dad said. “Now.”

“But—“

“Now,” he snapped. Jared selfishly wished that she would have protested more. At least then it would have taken some of the heat off of him.

Jared knew that Megan didn’t like it, but she went upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

“Now, what did you officers need?” Jared’s dad asked.

“We want to talk to your son about an incident that happened earlier today,” Officer Jordan said.

“What kind of incident?” his dad asked.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to please let us talk to your son. You may stay, but please let us do our jobs,” Officer Jordan said.

Miraculously, his dad stayed silent. Jared wished he wouldn’t have because then he wouldn’t have to talk. Besides, his dad didn’t really know what had been going on in his son’s life lately and didn’t know the people Jared was hanging around with. He knew that once the officers explained more about the situation, that his dad, and his mom for that matter, wouldn’t believe them. 

“Jared, there was serious altercation this afternoon over on 14th Street, near the Jefferson Park. Two of the three boys involved placed you as being there and the third finally admitted it as well. Were you present?”

“Yes,” Jared mumbled, adverting his eyes to the floor. He couldn’t look at the officers, and he definitely couldn’t look his parents in the eyes as the truth came out.

“However, when officers responded to the scene, you weren’t there.”

“I ran,” Jared said. “I tried to stop him, but I couldn’t and then there were sirens and he just told me to run.”

“Why did you run?”

“Because he told me to,” Jared said. “I couldn’t even think and then he was just telling me to run, and I don’t know, I just listened to him and I ran.” 

“And you ran where?”

“Here,” Jared said simply. He still felt like a coward for running, but there was nothing else he could do. Jensen had been so insistent that he run away and Jared just couldn’t say no, especially when he heard the police sirens.

Jared chanced a glance upwards. The police were still staring at him, but it was nothing compared to the looks of horror that were plastered on his parents face, which was crazy because they hadn’t even heard the worst of it yet.

“I see,” Officer Jordan said. “We still have a few more questions. Can you tell us who told you to run?”

Jared swallowed hard. He didn’t want to admit that Jensen was there because it felt like putting another nail in Jensen’s coffin. He knew that the police had already had Jensen. There was no way that Jensen could have gotten out of that. Plus, in the incredibly unlikely event that Jensen did somehow get away, Jared knew that Jensen would have texted him, if not actually called him. Jared knew that he couldn’t lie. Jensen and the other two boys had already identified him as being there, so he would just have to admit it. “Jensen,” Jared said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry?” Officer Jordan said.

“Jensen Ackles,” Jared said, his voice louder than before, but still very weak. 

“And why were you with Mr. Ackles?”

“He’s my friend.” There was no way he was admitting that Jensen was his boyfriend to these police officers, especially not when his parents were standing right there.

“You are aware of Jensen’s priors?”

Jared nodded, but before the officers could ask any other questions, his mom spoke up.

“Priors? What are you talking about?” his mom asked.

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask that you please remain silent and let us talk to your son,” Officer Lee said.

“No,” she told them. “Jared, what are they talking about? Priors? Are you telling me that you’ve been hanging around with some criminal?”

“Mom!” Jared exclaimed, finally finding his voice. There was no way he was going to let his mom talk about his boyfriend like that. “He’s not a criminal! It’s just—it’s not his fault.”

“So you are hanging around with a criminal. He has a criminal record and you just admitted it.”

“Ok! Fine, yes!” Jared said, letting all of his frustrations from today out. “Jensen has a criminal record. He was on probation when he transferred schools and yes, he’s my friend and yes, I was with him this afternoon when they started fighting!”

“You will not talk to your mother that way,” his dad thundered. 

“I’m sorry, but we really need to interrupt this,” Officer Lee said. “Yes, Mr. Ackles does have a record. Jared, can you tell us who else was involved?”

Jared shook his head. After all of that, the police just wanted to carry on, business as usual? Jared’s head wasn’t in the right place anymore. Now he wasn’t just scared, worrying, and panicking, but rather angry, annoyed, and frustrated. “What?” Jared asked.

“We asked who else was there this afternoon,” Officer Lee repeated.

“I, uh. I’m not sure. I don’t really remember, it all kind of passed in a blur,” Jared admitted. He had been too focused on keep Jensen out of trouble to pay attention to who exactly was harassing them. “I know they went to our school, but I can’t remember who exactly they were.” 

“Were there any people you would think would want to hurt Jensen?”

“No one likes him,” Jared explained. “He pretty much keeps to himself but a lot of the jocks would try to give him a hard time. Some people probably— Brady. Brady Bentley. That was one of the guys. I remember now, which means that it would have probably been Carson Erickson with him. One of them, I don’t remember which one, but one of them had a knife. Jensen must have seen it because he got really freaked out.”

“Who had the knife?”

“I’m not sure, but it wasn’t Jensen. Jensen must have seen it first and it all happened so fast. I tried to stop him. I tried so hard to get him to stop because he really didn’t want to go back. Anytime he talked about it, he always said that he didn’t want to go back and how much he hated it there.”

“Hated it where?” Officer Jordan prompted. 

“Juvie,” Jared said. “He was trying so hard not to go back.”

“You are friends with someone who was in jail?” his mother screeched. “Jared Tristan Padalecki, I thought I raised you better than that.”

“Mom, can we just not please not do this now?” Jared pleaded. Today had been emotional enough and he really didn’t want to go into details about his relationship with Jensen today. 

“No, we most certainly cannot,” she said. “I don’t know how you pick your friends, Jared, but you are not going to see that boy again.”

“Mom, you know what fine,” Jared huffed. “But it doesn’t even matter because in case you haven’t figured it out already, Jensen’s back in juvie because of that fight.”

“I told you before,” his dad growled. “You don’t speak to your mother that way.”

Jared rolled his eyes. The two officers shot a look between themselves. “We have one more question for you, Jared, and then we’ll be going,” Officer Jordan said.

“What?” Jared asked. After everything, part of him thought that he was going to get arrested tonight too. He admitted to being involved in that fight, even if he didn’t actually throw any punches.

“You said that you were trying to get Jensen not to fight?”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “Like I said before, he kept talking about how he didn’t want to go back, so I thought that if I could keep him from getting involved in another fight that he wouldn’t have to go back. So I tried to get him to stop and I tried to pull him out of it when I realized I couldn’t convince him verbally.”

“Ok, well, I think we have all we need for now,” Officer Jordan said. “We may give you a call or stop by for a follow up if we need it.”

“So Jared’s not in trouble?” his dad asked. At least his dad had come to his senses and cared about what was going to happen to his son.

“We’re not looking to press charges at this time,” Officer Jordan said. “However, Jared, take this as a warning because this is as good a one as you’re going to get. Listen to your parents and choose your friends better.”

Jared knew that he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help but glare at the officers. They didn’t know Jensen like he did. They didn’t know everything he struggled with and how hard he worked to stay out of trouble. 

“Thank you,” Jared’s dad said. “I’ll show you out.”

Jared stood, frozen to the same spot. He didn’t know how to react to everything that just happened. He felt like he just went through the entire spectrum of emotions and he didn’t know how to handle it. He didn’t want to deal with his parents anymore, but retreating to his room would probably be a death sentence at this point. Instead, he stayed right where he was, waiting for his dad to come back.

He chanced a glance at his mom, who was fuming. Her lips were pursed tight and she was taking deep breaths, no doubt trying to calm herself before she completely exploded. 

Thankfully, his dad came back and Jared let out a breath. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

“What were you thinking?” his dad asked. 

“Clearly he wasn’t,” his mom answered for him.

“That’s not true!” Jared shouted back. He had been thinking. He never stopped thinking about it, especially in the beginning. He struggled so much with Jensen in the beginning as his opinion change from thinking that Jensen was some delinquent, to making small talk, to becoming friends and then boyfriends. His parents wouldn’t understand that, even though, as he already pointed out, that he was told that he shouldn’t judge people and should try to get to know people before passing judgment. Apparently that rule didn’t apply to people with criminal records, despite the circumstances.

“Obviously you weren’t thinking because otherwise we wouldn’t have just spoken to the police about some fight you had with a criminal delinquent,” his mom snapped.

“Will you stop calling Jensen a criminal delinquent?” he asked. “He’s not a delinquent or whatever else you want to call him. You don’t know anything about him.”

“Jared, this boy was arrested, and not for the first time it sounds like,” his dad said.

“Why should that even matter?” Jared asked. “You guys have always said not to judge people.”

“Yes, but this boy is dangerous,” his dad said.

“You don’t even know him!” Jared shouted. “You didn’t even know he existed until the police came over.”

“And that should be a big clue,” his mom said. “We had to find out about him because the police came over. Obviously this boy is corrupting you.”

“Oh my god,” Jared said. “Jensen is not corrupting me. Did you not listen to anything I was saying before? How Jensen was doing everything he could to avoid getting arrested again? Does that really sound like someone who was corrupting me?”

“That’s not the point!” his mom shouted. “This boy is not a good influence, no matter what you think. He was arrested once and you should know better than to be hanging around with people like that, but obviously we’ve taught you nothing, so we need to intervene.”

“What are you talking about?” Jared asked.

“You are grounded,” she said firmly, leaving no room for arguments. “And you are never to see that boy again.”

“What?!” Jared asked. He could understand being grounded, but not being allowed to see Jensen again? That wasn’t going to happen. Besides, he was almost an adult and would be moving out to go to college in the fall (somewhere very, very far away from here) and they couldn’t control who he chose to spend time with. 

“Jared, your mother is right,” his dad said. “The police were just here to question you. We can’t ignore that and with this Jensen boy. He’s obviously not a good influence and you shouldn’t be hanging around with someone like that and since you couldn’t come to that realization by yourself, we’re going to step in.”

“I’m seventeen!” Jared argued. “I’ll be eighteen this summer. You guys can’t control who I spend my time with.”

“While you still live in our house, those are the rules,” his dad explained. “Now, you are not to see that boy anymore. I don’t care if he’s in jail or released. You are not to see him anymore.”

Jared shook his head, unable to believe that this was really happening. They couldn’t stop him. He couldn’t think of a time when he went behind his parents’ backs before, but this might just cause him to start. There was no way that he was going to never see Jensen again. That just wasn’t an option.

“Jared,” his dad continued. “This is all for your own good. We care about your safety and want to make sure that you are ready to face the real world.”

“Whatever,” Jared mumbled. Spending time with Jensen had taught Jared more about the real world than his parents ever did. He thought more about issues that had never crossed his mind before thanks to Jensen. His parents would never understand that. They just saw Jensen in the same way that all the kids at school did: like some kind of criminal. It was true that Jensen had broken the law and deserved to be punished for what he did, but he didn’t deserve all of the labels that were forced upon him. 

“You can go to your room now,” Jared’s mom said.

He rolled his eyes and walked toward the stairs. When he got to his room, he slammed the door behind him and flipped the lock. He didn’t need to deal with his parents anymore tonight.

Jared laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He needed to figure out a way to figure out what exactly happened to Jensen. He needed to know if he was ok and to say thank you for getting him out of there. Jared didn’t realize it at the time, but now he was pretty sure that Jensen had saved his life. 

The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that he would have to go see Jensen’s mom after school tomorrow. He knew that she was going to be upset and might not be willing to talk to him at all, but he still had to try.

Jared closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, unable to stop himself from wondering what was happening to Jensen right now.

***

It was unusual. Jared was used to flying completely under the radar when he walked through the hallways at school. Today, it was completely different. As he maneuvered through the hallways between his locker and class, he didn’t miss the way people got silent when he walked passed. He didn’t miss the whispers that followed. He didn’t miss the stares and not-so-subtle points. 

“That’s him.”

“I thought you said he was arrested.”

“Not not him, the other one.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Jared wasn’t sure how word got around the school that Jensen was arrested. He sure didn’t say anything and he wouldn’t have put it on Brady and Carson to go telling the entire school. Apparently they did since everyone seemed to know that Jensen was arrested and that Jared was with him when he was.

Jared just wished that he could go back to how things were before. Back when no one paid him any attention.

By the lunch time, Jared was ready for this whole day to be over. He wanted to go home and never have to deal with these people ever again, but he knew that it wasn’t that easy. He still had a couple more months before he graduated and until then, he was stuck seeing these people everyday.

Jared was halfway to his normal lunch spot before he realized that Jensen wasn’t going to be there. Jared was going to be on his own for lunch for the rest of the school year. Either that or he would go back to eating with his other friends. Maybe he could try that tomorrow. Today, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Today he just needed to get away from everyone, so even though Jensen wasn’t going to be there, he headed out to his normal lunch spot.


	19. Chapter 19

Jensen walked through the plain hallway with his hands behind his back. One of the officers was a half pace behind him, making sure Jensen didn’t run off.

Jensen had been told he had a visitor, but he had no idea if it was his mom or his brother. Those were the only two possibilities. He would have loved to see Jared, but that just wasn’t an option. it wasn’t going to be an option until he was let out in several months and it was torture. It had been almost two days since he had seen Jared and he still had no idea what happened to him. Did the police come by? Did he get in trouble with his parents? Jensen just wanted answers.

Well, Jensen wanted answers, but he would have preferred to see him in person and tell him that everything was ok, and that everything would eventually work itself out. He wanted to tell Jared that it wasn’t his fault and that he shouldn’t feel guilty about running. Jensen had been the one that told him to run. He had just wanted Jared to get out of there before anything bad could happen. Jared didn’t need to get mixed up in the legal system. He was a good kid and didn’t deserve it. 

Maybe now Jared wouldn’t be able to stand the fact that his boyfriend was a criminal. Were they even considered boyfriends anymore? Jensen was in juvie and that definitely would have to put some kind of pressure on their relationship. They weren’t going to be able to talk face to face for several months and it was all his fault. All he could do was hope that Jared didn’t hate him too much for it.

Jensen quickly scanned the room as he walked through the doorway. His brother was sitting at a table, his head hung low. Jensen tried not to feel disappointed that his mom wasn’t there., but he couldn’t blame her. It was hard enough the first time around, but she still came. He figured that now it was probably too much for her. At least Josh had come to visit. At least he could see some member of his family.

Jensen sat down at the table across from his older brother. He didn’t know what to say. What could he say? There was nothing that could possibly make this situation better.

After several tense, silent moments, Jensen finally said, “I’m sorry.” It was the only thing he could think of. It was the only thing he had been able to say to his mother when he had talked to her during his intake. Somehow, just like then, it didn’t feel like that was enough.

Josh looked up. “You’re sorry? That’s all you can say?”

“Josh, I don’t know what else to say. There really isn’t anything else.”

Josh shook his head, while Jensen lowered his head and focused his eyes firmly on the table. It was too hard to look his brother in the eyes. He could see the disappointment and it hurt. It hurt so bad, but there was nothing that he could do. 

“Jensen, I don’t even know what to say anymore,” Josh finally said. “You kept saying that you were sorry and that this wasn’t going to be an issue anymore, but we’re still here having this same conversation.”

“I know, believe me, I know.”

“So what happened this time? Mom couldn’t get much out,” he said. 

“Is mom ok?” Jensen had to know.

“What do you think?” Josh snapped. “Her middle child is sitting in jail. Again. She’s trying to still raise Mackenzie and stay strong for her, but she just can’t. She could barely get the words out when she called me. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To have to listen to mom crying so hard that she can’t even get the words out?”

“No, but I do have a pretty good idea of how she’s feeling,” Jensen said.

“Like hell you do.”

“Josh, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m sitting in jail. I already feel like an asshole. Mom is so upset that she can’t even come and visit me, so yeah it hurts, but I get it. I was there when they called her and told her I got arrested. I heard the silence and the disappointment, so don’t tell me that I don’t understand.”

“That’s the problem, Jensen. You don’t understand. If you did, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Let me tell you, there’s a lot of other things I’d rather be doing than visiting my little brother in jail.”

“And you think that I’m just sitting in here for shits and giggles.”

“Watch your mouth,” Josh warned. 

“Because your so damn perfect,” Jensen snapped back. Maybe he was being a little hard on Josh, but by now, his emotions were all over the place and he was a mess and unfortunately, Josh was taking the brunt of his anger even though he didn’t deserve it. Hell, Josh didn’t deserve a lot of things. He didn’t deserve to have his father walk out on him. He shouldn’t have had to step up and help take care of his mom and little sister because his younger brother can’t seem to stay out of trouble. He shouldn’t have to feel like he is the one who has to visit Jensen in juvie.

“You listen here,” Josh growled. “I’m not perfect, I know I’m not, but I’ve never screwed up this bad. I’ve never thrown away chance after chance to go back to a normal life. I’ve never let mom down the way you have. Did you even think about her at all? Did you even think about what she was would have to go through? Because I sure have. I thought about it all the time. What was going to happen if you screwed up again and ended up back in juvie?”

“You honestly thought that I was going to come back?” Jensen said softly, slowly bringing his eyes to meet his brother’s. Had his brother actually had that little faith in him?

“I was hoping that you wouldn’t, but I had to be ready. It’s not easy on mom. You keep saying that you know and that you understand it, but you’re in here. You don’t see her. Back when she used to come and visit you, she would put on such a brave face so you wouldn’t worry about her. I was coming home from school every weekend, just to make sure that she was ok. I considered moving back home and commuting, even transferring, because I didn’t know if mom was going to be able to take it, and now, I’m stuck in the exact same boat as before and I hate it.”

“I…I don’t really know what to say,” Jensen said.

“That’s because you don’t think of anyone, but yourself. Sometimes you don’t even think that much because if you did, you and I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

“Do you really think that’s true? That I don’t think of anyone else?” Jensen asked. Because that was so far from the truth. Maybe in that first moment, he didn’t always think all of his actions through, but at least in this last fight, he was sure that he could say that he was thinking about more than just him.

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Because it’s not all about me. Because there is this kid, Jared and he’s such an amazing person,” Jensen said. “He was the only person who gave me a chance when I first transferred. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I stayed out of trouble for months. There was nothing in school, nothing outside of school, nothing. Did you ever stop to think why that was? It was because of Jared. Because any time that I got close and he was always the one that held me back. Always the one to remind me that I didn’t want to go back. 

“Then the other day, I just couldn’t. Jared was stuck, frozen in shock. And maybe you were right about some things, because in that first moment, I didn’t think. I just saw red and went for it. Then there were police sirens and I knew that I was in trouble. There was no way that it was going to end well for me. Someone saw the whole thing and called the cops and whoever they were would have been able to tell them which direction I ran. Then I would be in even more trouble for running. So you know what I did? I didn’t run because they were going to get me anyway. I knew it, so I didn’t try to get away because someone had to be there to take the fall.” Jensen paused, trying to calm himself down as he got caught up in the emotions of what had happened.

“Instead, I told Jared to run,” Jensen said. “I told him to leave because he didn’t need to get caught up in all of this. One of us is more than enough. And he actually listened to me. He ran and he’s not sitting here, so I think it’s safe to assume that he’s going to get off and not get in any kind of trouble for this. So tell me again how I don’t think of anyone because there’s one kid who’s not going to get in any trouble because of me and that has to count for something.”

“But what about us?” Josh asked. “What about your family? Don’t get me wrong, Jensen. It’s great that you helped someone else from getting caught up in all of this, but what about us?”

“I know. I’ve hurt mom, I’ve hurt you, I’ve hurt Mackenzie. Nothing I do is going to change that and I’m sorry, but that’s all that I can say. I’m sorry.”

The two brothers sat in silence, neither quite sure how to continue the conversation. Jensen wondered if he actually go through to Josh. Did Josh believe him? All he could do was hope at this point.

“Jensen,” Josh started. “I really don’t know how to tell you this, I really don’t and I wish to hell that I wouldn’t have to tell you this.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Look, part of the reason I came today was because I had to tell you that mom’s not sure if she’s going to be able to make it to your hearing.”

“What?” Jensen felt his stomach drop out of his body and all the way to the floor. 

“I’ll be here, because someone has to be here for you, but I honestly don’t know if mom’s going to make it. It’s really hard for her to see you in here.”

“And how do you think it feels knowing that I can’t see my mom in here?” Jensen fired back. “Knowing that she doesn’t want to see me?”

“You have to look at it from her perspective. She’s been struggling ever since dad left,” Josh started. “And then you started fighting and getting in trouble.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Jensen said. “It’s all my fault.”

Josh was silent. He looked like he was thinking through something in his head, but Jensen had no idea what. 

“Josh, what’s going on?”

“Ok, look. You can’t tell mom that I told you this. Ok?” Josh asked.

“What’s going on?” Jensen repeated.

“Jensen, dad didn’t leave because of you.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and shook his head. “We are not going over this again. I know what happened. I was there, remember?”

“No you don’t. Mom didn’t even want to tell me, but she let something slip once and I kinda figured out everything else for myself.”

“Josh? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Dad didn’t leave because of you,” Josh said. “He left because of mom.”

“You can’t be serious. What on earth are you talking about?”

“Look, can you just promise me that you won’t interrupt and you’ll just let me explain everything before you ask your questions?”

“Fine. Talk,” Jensen ordered. He was skeptical. For years, Josh and his mom had insisted that his dad’s leaving had nothing to do with him. He had never believed that. Based on everything that was happening around that time, the only possible conclusion that he could draw was that he left because of him. Specifically, because Jensen came out and he couldn’t stand the thought of having a gay son. At least, that was what Jensen had believed for the last few years. Josh and his mother had made it very obvious that they didn’t agree with that, but they never offered any other explanation, no matter how many times they talked about it.

“Dad left because mom gave him an ultimatum. That night you came out, dad was pretty pissed,” Josh explained. “I’m going to guess that you remember that night pretty well.” Jensen nodded, trying not to dwell on it too much. It was one of the worst nights of his life. “Well, then you remember that right after you came out, dad started screaming and mom sent you and me upstairs. Well, after that she told him that he could either leave or that she would take the three of us and leave, but either way they were done. I guess she didn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t support their child.”

“So dad left,” Jensen said.

“I guess. Mom said that he was going to kick you out of the house, or at least he was going to try to. That was when she gave him the ultimatum.”

“So mom basically forced dad out because he wanted to kick me out?” Jensen said slowly. It was just too much to take in. It was like the last few years had been a lie. No, it was even like that, the last few years had been a lie. 

“Yeah, she didn’t want you do know.”

“Why? Why on earth would she not want me to know that? Why would she let me keep believing that I was the reason that dad left?”

“I don’t know all of it,” Josh said. “I guess she didn’t want you to feel guilty about putting dad in that position.”

“But if what you’re saying is true, then I spent the last four years thinking that I was the reason he left when he really left because mom made him. Why wouldn’t she have just told me?”

“Look,” Josh said. “You’re going to have to talk to mom about it, but I think there was probably more that went on in that fight than even I know and something tells me that she’s never going to let that information go. I mean, she wasn’t planning on telling me about any of this. It just slipped out, so I’m almost sure that there is more that she’s not telling us, but she has her reasons.”

“It’s stupid,” Jensen said. “Do you have any idea what’s it’s like spending four years thinking that you’re the reason that dad left?”

“Would it have changed anything if it did?” Josh asked. “I want you to be completely honest with me. If you knew the entire truth, would it have kept you out of all those fights?”

Jensen was silent for a long moment. Some of the guilt was lifted off his chest, but he couldn’t deny that he was unsure if that knowledge would have changed anything. Most of the fights were about rumors about his family or something about his sexuality. In the end, it probably wouldn’t have changed a lot of the outcomes, but it definitely would have made him feel less guilty about everything else. “I just wish she would have told me.”

“I know.”

“I mean, she stood up for me and…”

“Yeah, she always stuck up for all of us.”

“And then I went and did something stupid like this.”

“Jensen—“

“No,” Jensen said, shaking his hands. “There’s really nothing you can say. It was my own fault and I accept that. I just—I just feel even worse about all of this. You have to believe me when I say that I really didn’t want to hurt her.”

“I believe you,” Josh said.

“Will you tell her that? Please?” Jensen felt like he was begging but he didn’t care. He needed his mom to understand how sorry he was. “Tell her that I’m sorry and that I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”

There was a hint of a smile on Josh’s face. A small one, but at least it was something. “Sometimes, Jensen. You can be a good kid.”

“And then other times I end up here.”

“Yeah,” Josh said, the smile fading completely. “Some times you end up here.”

“Can I ask one more favor?” Jensen asked.

“You can ask,” Josh said. “But I can’t guarantee that I’ll do it.”

“Can you please ask mom to come to my hearing? I know it’s going to be hard, but could you please just ask her?” He just wanted to be able to see his mom. That was it. Just to see her.

“I can ask, but I don’t know. We’ll have to see what happens. She’s pretty upset,” Josh explained.

“I understand,” Jensen said, trying not to feel to heartbroken. “Hey, um, Josh? How is Mack?”

“Mack is…Mack’s ok. She’s upset, but I think she’s more confused right now. I think she misses you.”

“I miss her too. I kind of broke a promise to her too.”

“Oh?”

“I promised her that I wouldn’t go back. She asked me right when I got out and I said that I wouldn’t come back,” Jensen said. “That I wouldn’t leave her again. And look what happened. Another broken promise. And I’m going to be in here for her birthday and Christmas.”

“Jensen…”

“No, it’s ok, I mean, I have no one to blame but myself, so it’s not like I can really get mad about it.”

“I’m sure Mack will understand.”

“She’s ten. All she knows is that her brother is in jail and won’t be coming home for a few months. How is that even remotely ok?”

“It’s not, but it’s something we all have to live with. I hate to keep saying it, but it’s because of your actions that we are in this mess.”

“Believe me, I know,” Jensen said. No one understood that better than him. Josh could get angry with him, his mom could be disappointed him, and his sister could be upset, but no one understood that it was Jensen’s fault more than Jensen. Hell, he didn’t even blame the other guys. Sure, if they wouldn’t have been there, Jensen probably wouldn’t have been here, but he still shouldn’t have gotten so worked up over it. He just needed to learn to control his temper a little bit, which was a lot easier said than done. 

Their time was just about up and Jensen knew that he was going to have to say goodbye. That was always the hardest part. He hated watching his family leave through a different door as they headed back toward freedom while he stayed behind. 

Today was no different. Jensen and his brother said their goodbyes. Jensen walked out one door while his brother walked out through a door on the other side of the room and tried not to think too much. It just hurt.


	20. Chapter 20

It was the night before Jensen’s hearing. The one where he would officially be told that he would have to spend the remaining months until his eighteenth birthday here. Of course, there was a small sliver of a chance that the judge would decide to give him one more chance, but Jensen knew that that was never going to happen. It didn’t even pay to try and hope that that would change. They let him out conditionally, and he had broken the conditions of his release. It was as simple as that.

Although, that didn’t mean he had to like it. He hated that he had lost his temper and let those asshole’s words get to him. If he had been able to keep everything in check, it would be fine. He would still be out in the free world with his mom and sister and Jared.

He would have been able to spend holidays with them but now he was looking at spending every holiday from now until his birthday behind bars. None of his mom’s delicious Thanksgiving dinner. None of her special Christmas cookies that she refused to make at any other time of the year. None of all of the special treats she would always buy for New Year’s Eve. Nothing. 

This year was supposed to be different. Last year was the year where he lost all of those privileges. This year he was supposed to prove that he had changed so he could be allowed to be with his family. Apparently, he just wasn’t good enough.

Jensen lay in his bed, one arm slung over his eyes. He had no idea what time it was since they didn’t have clocks in the cells and it the one in his pod was too far away for Jensen to read. He just couldn’t sleep. It felt like ages since lights out, but Jensen had just lain there, unable to sleep for fear of what would happen at the hearing the next day.

He was terrified of what the judge would say. She didn’t have many kind words the first time he was in here and he was sure that those words were going to be any kinder when she saw him back in her courtroom. 

Jensen rolled over on his side, adjusting his thin blanket. He had spend many nights sleeping on a concrete slab with nothing but a small pad between him and the “bed”. That didn’t make it any easier. He couldn’t get comfortable and his mind wouldn’t stop wandering. He figured that that was how it was supposed to be in here. They just wanted you to be miserable so you wouldn’t make any stupid mistakes again and land up back, or worse. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for Jensen. He was miserable the first time and even more miserable now. It wasn’t for a lack of trying though. He had tried so hard to stay out of trouble so he wouldn’t come back. He hated it here. Absolutely detested it. Yet, here he was. Back again.

He still felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to be here and he really didn’t want to meet with the judge tomorrow. He knew that he had no explanation for his actions and no matter what he said, it wasn’t going to go over well with the judge.

If all of those nerves weren’t enough, he still didn’t know if his mom was going to make it tomorrow. He hadn’t talked to her since he was sitting in intake. Josh had stopped by and that had helped, but it wasn’t his mom. He knew that he had disappointed her, but he still needed her. He didn’t deserve it, but she was still his mom and he needed her. All he could do is hope that she would show up tomorrow.

Jensen rolled over again, still unable to get comfortable. He knew he would be in for a long night and an even longer day tomorrow. All he wanted was for his brain to shut up so he could get some sleep, but it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

***

Jensen was led into the court room, taking smaller steps than normal to accommodate the shackles around his ankles. He scanned the room and nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw his mom sitting in the middle row of the courtroom. His brother was sitting beside her, holding her hand tight. 

He couldn’t believe that she actually showed up. He knew his mom loved him, even if it was incredibly difficult sometimes, but he really didn’t expect her to show up today. He would have understood.

She looked up and they made eye contact. She offered him a sad smile that did very little to ease his nerves. He knew he was going to be stuck here until he turned eighteen, but that didn’t mean this hearing was going to be any easier.

He forced himself to look away from his mother as he took his seat next to the defender. This time he didn’t need a lawyer. There was no point.

“All rise.”

Jensen pushed back from the chair and stood up. He watched as the judge entered the room. She looked just as strict as the last time they met. Judge Serrat was a blonde haired, middle aged woman who looked like she had never smiled a day in her life. Everyone in the detention center had heard of her and everyone hoped that she wouldn’t be the one to hear their case. Jensen wasn’t lucky the first time and he certainly wasn’t lucky now. 

“You may be seated,” Judge Serrat said. She put on her reading glasses and opened the file in front of her. “Jensen Ackles?” Jensen looked up when he heard his name. “For fighting and a probation violation?”

“Yes, your honor,” his defender said. Jensen had been so distracted by the sight of his mother that he realized that he didn’t even know the name of the person defending him. It probably didn’t matter though because it was going to be the same result no matter what happened.

“Let’s talk to Jensen,” she said.

Jensen moved to the front of the courtroom where he was met with a bailiff holding a bible.

“Do you sear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?” 

“Yes,” Jensen answered. It didn’t matter what he said, he was screwed either way.

“Have a seat,” the guard mumbled before walking away.

Jensen sat down and looked at Judge Serrat. 

“Well, Jensen,” Judge Serrat said, “I was hoping we wouldn’t meet again.” Jensen swallowed hard and nodded. He knew all too well what would happen if he spoke before he was spoken to. “So, why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“I, um,” Jensen started. “I was walking home after school. These two guys came up behind me and started talking crap, saying a bunch of stuff that wasn’t true. I couldn’t take it and I lost it. I started fighting with them.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Like I said, I just couldn’t take it. I lost control and started fighting with them. I shouldn’t have, but I did,” Jensen explained. 

“When you were released on probation, one of the conditions was that you wouldn’t fight and that you would stay out of trouble. I also believe that you told me that you would do anything you could to keep out of trouble,” Judge Serrat said. “It looks like you didn’t put forth an effort.”

“I did,” Jensen said. “I know that it looks like I didn’t, but I was trying so hard to stay out of trouble so I wouldn’t come back here.”

“Was this your first incident since you were released?”

“No,” Jensen admitted. Judge Serrat looked up and stared at him. “I, um. When I was first released, it was couple of weeks after that. I got into a fight at school. It was basically the same thing. These two guys came up and started giving me a hard time, saying a bunch of stuff that wasn’t true and I lost it. I couldn’t control it and I started fighting with them.”

“And what happened after that?”

“I got suspended for about a week,” Jensen said.

“You were lucky that they didn’t arrest you,” Judge Serrat said.

“That’s what my probation officer said.”

“Had I been in his situation, I would have sent you back right away,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Jensen mumbled. He knew that he was lucky and that he probably would have been arrested if he would have been with any other probation officer.

“Jensen, I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you,” Judge Serrat started. Jensen knew he was in for it now. All he could do was try to brace himself for impact. “This is a very serious charge against you. No one is the hospital this time, but that doesn’t mean that you’re in any better of a position than you were the first time. In fact, I’d say you are in a worse situation. How do I know that I can trust you again? The first time you had told me that you were ready and that you had changed, but you’ve proven that you haven’t. Why should I let you go today?”

Jensen thought for a moment before answering. “I know you’re probably not going to let me go today and I understand that. Believe me, I don’t want to be here, but especially after what happened yesterday, I know that I screwed up and I should be punished for it, but if you found it in you to let me go today, I can promise that I won’t let you down again.”

“How do I know that?”

“You don’t,” Jensen said, bluntly. He had already accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to be released today so it didn’t really matter what he said. Maybe if he was honest about everything and accepted responsibility, he might be able to get a shorter sentence. “But I can promise you that I’ll be doing my best. I did get into a fight when I was released the first time, but since then, there hasn’t been anything else. I haven’t had any absences from school, my grades are good, and I’ve had no other issues or probation violations.”

“But something still set you off this week,” Judge Serrat said. “That’s why you’re here.”

Jensen shrugged. “I’m not perfect,” he said. “I can admit that and I know that there’ll be things that’ll make me angry. It’s something that I know that I have to work on and I’ve been trying. I’ve been trying real hard to make myself better because I didn’t want to come back here and I really don’t want to go to jail when I’m older and the only way that that is going to happen is if I learn to control myself better.”

Judge Serrat was silent for a few moments as she took the time to let Jensen’s words sink in. “You may have a seat back over by your defendant,” Judge Serrat said. Jensen got up and walked back to the table and sat down. He was honest and all he could do was hope that Judge Serrat would take this into account.

“Jensen I’m going to be honest with you,” Judge Serrat said. “I’m going to side with the councilor here. You’ve made progress, but you’ve clearly shown that you still have a lot of work to go.” Jensen took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for her next works. “It is my belief that you are still a danger to society and therefore, I think it is appropriate that you remain at the juvenile detention center until your eighteenth birthday. Hopefully you can learn something from this because things will not be this easy when you turn eighteen. They will be harder on you and the jails will be worse. Do you understand?”

“Yes, your honor,” Jensen said. He knew that it was coming, but it was still so hard to hear those words. It is my belief that you are still a danger to society and therefore, I think it is appropriate to remain at the detention center until your eighteenth birthday. 

“Mrs. Ackles, do you have any questions?” Judge Serrat asked.

“No, your honor,” she said, her voice shaking. 

“Ok. I think we’re done here, then,” Judge Serrat said. 

Jensen was told to stand up and walk with the bailiff to the other side of the room where he would be brought back to the place where he would spend the next four months. He turned around and looked at his mom and brother. His mom was crying while Josh tried to comfort her. Jensen adverted his eyes, unable to look at them any longer. He followed the bailiff out of the courtroom eyes not leaving the floor.

***

Jensen was having a hard time focusing on anything when he got back from his hearing. All he could hear was the judge’s words over and over in his mind. That paired with the look of disappointment on his mom’s face that he couldn’t get out of his head. He needed to talk to her, to tell her how sorry he was. Given his situation, there was only one way he could do that.

_Dear Mom,_

_I'm sorry. I don't think that I can say that enough, but you have to know that I am sorry.  I know that I broke all of those promises about staying out of trouble. I was really trying, but I guess it wasn't enough. I know that you are disappointed.  I'm disappointed I me too, although probably not as much as you are._

_I want you to know that I didn't want to hurt you or Josh or Mackenzie. I know that that's hard to believe, but I need you to know that even if you don't believe that._

_I can't say I'm sorry enough and I'll probably spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, but please know that I'm sorry._

_I also want you to know that you shouldn't feel obligated to come visit me. I know that it's hard for you to see your son in jail. I get it._

_I know that I should be able to say more, but all I can say is that I'm sorry. There really isn't any excuse for what I did so think that it's kind of stupid to even try and explain it. All I can say is that I let my temper get the better of me.  It was stupid and it's something that I have to work on. I have a pretty good feeling that that will be brought up when I start having regular meetings with my counselor. They haven’t started yet, but I’m guessing they’ll start soon now that I’m actually sentenced._

_I know this next part is going to sound crazy, but I still have to say it. Thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me.  I know a lot of people in your situation would have. Even all of the people at school were just waiting for me to mess up and get thrown back in jail. You never did that. I know that it was hard for you, but you never gave up on me and I have to say thank you for that. I know that I would have made it as far as I did without you._

_It was never your fault that I ended up here. There was never anything you did that made me like this. It was my own fault, and no on else's, that I ended up here._

_I’m sure by now Josh has told you everything and so I have to ask that you don’t be mad at Jared. He had nothing to do with me being arrested again. He was one of the best things that ever happened to me. So if you’re going to be mad at anyone, be mad at me._

_I don't think there's anything else to say._

_I'm so sorry for all this._

_Love,  
Jensen _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long overdue so I'm going to post two chapters tonight. I hope that makes up for it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the second chapter tonight. I also hope this makes up for how depressing the last chapter was.

Jensen was escorted down the hall. He hated this walk. He hated the silence, he hated the color of the walls, he hated everything about this place. But, like he had to keep telling himself several times per day, it was his own fault that he was here. He had no one to blame but himself.

He walked through the doors, expecting to see his brother sitting at one of the tables, but Josh was nowhere to be found. Instead, he got the shock of a lifetime when his mother was sitting at a table, her hands folded on top of it. 

It took every ounce of will power he had not to go running up to her and giving her a hug. But none of that was allowed. No running, no hugging, no touching. It all just sucked. 

Jensen walked up to the table. “Mom?”

“Jensen,” she said looking up, a sad smile on her face.

“I can’t believe you came.”

“Well, your brother told me what you said, and I got your letter.”

“You did?”

“I did. I read it all,” she said. “I have to say that it’s hard, but I want to forgive you. You hurt me, you hurt Josh, you hurt Mackenzie. You even hurt yourself, but I don’t think you did it intentionally.”

“Why?”

She smiled again, although the sadness was still there. Jensen wondered if it would ever go away or if it would be stuck there permanently. “Jared stopped by.”

Jensen’s eyes widened. “What?” Jared had stopped over. Was this the first time that happened? Why had Josh never told him? Was Jared ok? Did Jared hate him? Millions of questions made their way through Jensen’s brain. He had to bite down on his tongue to keep from asking all of them.

“He stopped over the other day. He said that he wanted to explain some things,” she said.

“What did he say?”

“He told me all about what happened that day. About how you told him to get out of there so he wouldn’t get into trouble. How you basically sacrificed yourself to keep him out of trouble. Jensen, why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“I never really had the chance,” he admitted. He didn’t want to put it in the letter, for fear that someone would read it and then have Jared’s name. He was trying to keep Jared and the juvenile corrections system as far apart as possible. He had been doing a good job so far and he wanted to keep it up.

“But it’s all true.”

“Yes, I just figured that he shouldn’t have to deal with all of this. His family shouldn’t have to deal with this. Isn’t bad enough that our family has to deal with it?”

“Jensen, I’m proud of you for what you did. Well,” she said, retracting part of her statement. “I’m not happy about the fight you got in, nor am I happy that you are back in juvie, but I’m proud that you did what you could to keep that boy out of trouble. It was very noble of you.”

“Thanks,” Jensen said softly, ducking his head. He really didn’t expect his mom to react like that. He was expecting more anger at the fact that he was in a fight and was sent back to juvie. Well, she had made it obvious that she wasn’t happy with that, but at least it seemed like she was happy with him for everything else he did. 

“You are one interesting kid, Jensen.”

“Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, sweetie.”

“How was Jared? I mean, I haven’t heard from him since I’ve been in here, not that I’m surprised, but I just want to know that he’s ok.”

“Jared is fine. He’s out of trouble and when he came by, he asked about you as well.”

Jensen was silent for a moment before he said, “I wish I could just talk to him.”

“Well he wrote a letter,” his mom said. “I left it at the front desk, so hopefully they will be able to get it to you.”

Jensen felt his heart lift. His whole day seemed to get brighter. There was a letter from Jared. Jared’s actual words. He didn’t think that his day could possibly get any better. “Really?” he asked.

She smiled slightly. “Yeah. He seems like a good kid.”

“He is. He’s…” Jensen trailed off. How would he describe Jared. “He’s such a good kid. He’s smart and funny and one of the kindest people I know. He was one of the only people to ever give me a chance at that school and…I don’t even know. He’s just…He’s just so amazing.”

“I’m happy that you found some on that you care about and someone that cares about you.”

“Me too,” Jensen said.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to stay much longer,” she said.

“I know and it’s ok. Can you just promise me one thing?” Jensen asked.

“I can try.”

“Will you promise to try and visit me more often? I know that it’s hard for you to come in here and see me like this. I get it, but if you could come, even every other week, I would really appreciate it,” Jensen said. The last two weeks had been terrible. He had no idea how his mother was doing and missed her terribly. He didn’t know if we could keep going that long without seeing her.

She took a deep breath. “I’ll try,” she said.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Ok,” Jensen said. “I guess you have to go now.”

“Yeah. I love you, Jensen,” she said. 

Jensen felt his heart stop. His mom still loved him! That was the best thing that he heard all day. It was even better than the news that a letter from Jared would be coming. “I love you too, mom.”

“Bye, Jensen. Take care of yourself and stay out of trouble.”

“I will,” he promised. Instead of promising to try and stay out of trouble, he decided that right then and there he would make his decision to stay out of trouble permanently. He knew he had used up all of his chances.

Jensen watched her leave before getting up from the table and leaving the visitation area. He felt better than he had in days. His mom had came and it went better than he could have ever hoped for. She even promised that she would try and visit more and that meant more to him than she would ever know. Plus, when he got back, he had to make sure that he would be able to get his letter from Jared. Hopefully everything worked right and he could get it. He knew from experience that if one thing went wrong, he wouldn’t get it and that was just the worst. Knowing that something was there and that he couldn’t have it.

As soon he got back, he went over to one of the supervisors. 

“Jake?” Jensen asked. “My mom said there was a letter for me and I was wondering if it got through?”

Jake just shook his head. “There hasn’t been anything yet. Sorry, man.”

Jensen’s shoulder’s slumped. “It’s ok.” He walked over to the chairs and sank into an empty one on the end of the row. So much for hearing from Jared. He wanted that letter so bad, but he knew that things take a while to process when they come through here.

It took a whole day for Jensen to finally get his letter. Jake had given it to him once he came back from class (if you could even call it class). Jensen immediately sunk down in a chair, leaned his elbows on his knees, held the letter out in front of him and began to read.

_Jensen,_

_I hope that this reaches you.  I'm not really sure how this whole thing works, but I figured it's worth a shot.  I'm also guessing that if you're reading this that you know that I talked to your mom. It was her idea to write to you,  I didn't really know how this all works, you'll have to forgive me._

_Anyway, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for getting me out of there. I know it sucks that you are back in juvie and I can't tell you how much I hate that, but I still feel like I have to say thank you.  It doesn't feel like enough, especially considering everything that you went through and are still going through, but I have to say something._

_I also hope that you aren't mad that I ran and left you. I know what you told me, but I felt like, and still feel like, a coward. I feel like I should have stayed and helped you but instead I ran. I know you're probably shaking your head and wondering why I'm being such an idiot, but try and understand what I'm feeling. I can't help but feel so guilty for leaving you there and leaving you in juvie now.  I know that you're probably saying that it's fine, but I don't see it that way. You're stuck in juvie and we both know that you don't deserve to be there. You may disagree, but I don't. You are one of the smartest, nicest people I've ever known. Sometimes your anger gets the better of you, but that doesn't make you a bad person.  I don't think that it's your fault. I know that you wouldn't have gotten into any of those fights if you wouldn't have been provoked._

_Anyway, like I said, I talked to your mom. I don't think there's much more than I can say besides I talked to her. I just felt like she should know what happened. The truth, anyway. Please don't be mad at me for that, but I was hoping that she would maybe understand more if I explained it and then maybe she wouldn't be as mad at you.although she really wasn't mad. I don't know what I would really say she was, but it wasn't mad.  I also told her that she should go visit you. She said she hadn't yet, but told her that you would like to see her. I know how important she is to you._

_I wish that I could come and see you, but I know that really isn't an option. Your mom said that you'll be there til your eighteenth birthday. I'm not going to lie, that's a long time and it's going to suck not seeing you for that long. I hope we can make it work though. I miss you already and it hasn't been that long. Well, it's still been almost two weeks (well, at least it's been almost two weeks when I'm writing this, I don't know how long it will be when you finally get it), which is a long time, but we still have almost four months to go. I miss you, Jensen. I miss you so much, but I promise that I will be there the day you get out. Does that sound cheesy? It probably does, but I want you to know that I won't just move on._

_Since you've been in juvie, I went back to eating lunch with Chad, Genevieve, and Misha. It's definitely not the same. I still stayed in touch with them while we were dating (still are dating! It's not the past tense), but it's weird. I miss eating lunch with you everyday and all the things we talked about. The conversations at lunch now just aren't that interesting. They're still my friends, but it's hard because it seems like so much has changed._

_But I guess that a lot has changed. We started dating, not to mention that I actually got to know you. Have I ever told you how wrong those initial assumptions were? I hate to say it, but you really surprised me and turned out to be a completely different person than I initially thought. I suppose that I should apologize for those initial assumptions. It probably doesn't mean much now, but I can definitely say that I learned my lesson.  I know now how important it is to get to know a person first. I wouldn't have ever learned that if it wasn't for you, so thank you.  So much has changed for me, but I know that so much has changed for you too. It's just crazy to think about._

_I don't really know what else to say. There's plenty of other into that I could talk about, but so much of it doesn't seem important anymore. That's one thing. I've done a lot of thinking and realized how much so much of this stuff just doesn't matter.  All that gossip that goes through the school don't matter. Speaking of which, the current rumor is that you stole a car and went on some high speed chase with the police. I know that there is no truth in that and that so much of the gossip doesn't matter, but I thought you'd appreciate that. You always seemed to get a kick out of some of the other rumors that were spread, so if it makes you smile, I guess that that is something. It's still not the same as having you back though._

_I miss you so much. I know that I've said that several times already, but that doesn't really change anything. I miss you and I won't get to see you for almost four months. I also want you to realize that I'm not mad at you. It's just how it's going to be. If anything, I'm happy that you kept me out of trouble. Either way, I'm still going to miss you._

_I should probably end this eventually, otherwise I'll just keep rambling and you'll never get this letter._

_I love you._

_Jared_

Jensen finished reading the letter and immediately flipped through the first page to read it again. Jared was ok. He wasn't mad and he promised to wait for him. Jensen wasn't an idiot. He knew that four months was a long time, but at least to have something to hold on to now, was enough. 

He knew immediately that he would have to get back to Jared. He just had to make sure that he could get it to Jared.  That was going to be the trickiest part, but he knew that he would have to do something.

That night, he was able to get hold of some paper and a pen and start his letter to Jared.

_Jared,_

_I got your letter. I can’t tell you how happy I was to get it. Really though, I don’t think you understand how much that means to me. Thank you for taking the time to do that. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to adequately tell you how much that means._

_Anyway, thank you for talking to my mom. She came to visit today and I think a large part of that was because of you. I wrote her a letter, explaining a lot of things, but I think hearing from you helped so much more. Thank you so much for that. I really didn’t expect you to do that, but I appreciate it so much._

_I want you to know that I’m not mad that you ran. I was the one that told you to run. For a while I didn’t think that you were going to listen to me, but I’m really glad you did. That means that you aren’t stuck here like I am. So while it sucks that I’m stuck here, I’m happy that you aren’t. You don’t deserve to be in here. So to answer your question, no. I’m not mad that you ran away and just because you ran away, doesn’t mean that you are a coward. In fact that was probably the smartest thing that you could have done. It would have been no use for me. As much as I hate to admit it, I knew it was only a matter of time before they caught me. This whole system is in place just to keep you locked up. They were just waiting for me to fail and mess up and it looks like it finally happened. I know that you are going to say that that is unfair, but that’s just how it is. There’s no other way to look at it._

_Again, I have to say thank you for talking to my mom. It did more than you will ever know. Did you know that she actually told me she loved me? She wasn’t able to say that when I talked to her after they arrested me. I think that you talking to her helped a lot because I know that you would have been completely honest with her and told her what happened. I don’t know if you told her about all of the other stuff I told you before, but just that you told her what happened that day did more than you could ever understand. I think that it meant more coming from you because I honestly don’t know if she would have believed me. She would have had every reason not to believe me, but I guess she trusted you._

_I wish that I could see you too, but that’s not going to happen until my eighteenth birthday. March 1st. That’s when I’ll finally get out of here. They can’t keep me past that and that’s about the only good thing that’s going to come out of this (although they keep reminding me that if I screw up again, I won’t be coming back here. They keep saying that as if I don’t already realize that. I know it’s technically their job, but I get the picture and believe me when I say that I really don’t want to go there. I didn’t want to come back here, but I think that I can safely say that nothing like this is ever going to happen again.) I know it’s going to suck not seeing you for the next four months, but that’s just how it’s going to be. I hate it, but that’s how it works. I know these two weeks have been tough, but I’m trying to look on the positive side of things (which isn’t easy). It’s already been two weeks, so that’s two weeks less that we have to wait. Although I don’t think that that makes it any better. It’s still hard and I still miss you._

_I also wanted to say that I’m sorry that you don’t really seem to fit in with your friends anymore. I guess that’s my fault. If you hadn’t have become friends with me you would have still been hanging out with them and going about your life. Maybe it’s selfish on my part to think of it this way, but I’m glad. I mean, I’m not happy that you don’t feel like you fit in with your friends anymore, but I’m happy that it’s because of me. That means that you got to know me and become my friend, and boyfriend. All I can say is spend some time with them. Don’t just shut them out. You need to be with people. You can’t just be by yourself until I get released, so at least try to be friends with them again? Please?_

_And yes, you have told me, on several occasions, how wrong your initial assumptions were. Every time I actually told you something about me, you told me, or at least implied, how wrong you were. I think that I should also apologize. It seems only fair. I’m sorry for judging you and thinking that you were just like everyone else. You’re not. You were the only one who was willing to look past all of the things I did and get to know me. You have no idea how much that means to me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. All I know is that if I hadn’t met you, I would have probably been back here a lot sooner than I was, so thank you for that. Thank you for getting to know me. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you so much for listening to what I had to say and not judging the person I used to be._

_About that rumor going around, you’re right. It is ridiculous and I did get a kick out of it. However, I’m not really surprised by it. That’s one thing I’ve learned. People are always going to make up their own stories about what happened to you and there’s nothing you can do to change it. At least sometimes you can get a good laugh out of it. I mean, how did that even start? I could at least understand some of the rumors about me when I first transferred. Those actually made sense, even if they weren’t true, but this one is just so far out there and I can’t wrap my head around how anyone could possibly think that that is true._

_I should probably wrap up this letter soon. I miss you so much, Jared. I can’t wait until I’m out of here and can see you again. It’s only four months. Who am I kidding? We both know that that’s a long time, but we’ll get through it. I’ll get out of here eventually, but until then, I guess we’re stuck communicating by written letter like it’s the stone ages or something. I miss you so much._

_I love you._

_Jensen_


	22. Chapter 22

Christmas just felt off this year and Jared just couldn’t bring himself to get into the Christmas spirit. His parents’ house was decorated perfectly, just like it always was. His mom had Christmas carols playing as she made her holiday cookies, causing the whole house to smell like a bakery. Jared saw all the ads for deals on presents and did enough shopping to cover his family, but it still wasn’t the same.

It would be his first Christmas with a boyfriend, but he couldn’t actually spend the holiday with him. So instead of shopping for the perfect present, Jared spent hours moping around and trying to write the perfect letter to Jensen. He knew that Jensen wouldn’t care about how perfect the letter was. All he cared about was whether or not Jared wrote something. 

Jensen had now been back in juvie for about a month and Jared was finally not grounded anymore, but that didn’t matter much. Without Jensen, there really wasn’t anywhere he wanted to go so he ended up spending most of his time locked in his room, avoiding the rest of the world and writing letters to Jensen. 

It was the week of Christmas and school had just let out for the holidays, giving Jared even more time to spend in his room. School provided a distraction, but it also reminded him of how lonely he really was. He had taken to eating lunch with Chad, Genevieve, and Misha again, but it wasn’t the same. He had told Jensen this, but didn’t elaborate because he knew that Jensen would take it personally and feel even worse. Jared could tolerate it, but it would be so much nicer if he could go back to spending his lunch periods with Jensen behind the school and away from everyone else. It just felt as if he didn’t have anything in common with his friends anymore. They were kind enough to accept him back, but it just felt like too much had changed.

Maybe it would have been better if he wasn’t grounded. Chad had invited him over to his house a couple times, but Jared couldn’t go. Since Jared had kept turning him down, Chad stopped asking. They still talked at lunch, but that was the extent of their friendship. It felt so weird. Chad had been his best friend since he had first moved from San Antonio. Now, it felt like they barely knew each other.

Jared didn’t fight it and focused on keeping in touch with Jensen, which was a challenge. He had thought it was hard when Jensen didn’t have a phone, but this was even worse. He would write Jensen and Jensen always wrote back, but it was way too long in between responses. Part of it was that Jensen was that Jensen was limited in the number of letters he could send out every week and one of them always had to go to his younger sister. Jared definitely couldn’t be mad at that.

He just missed being able to see Jensen when he talked instead of just reading his words on some folded up paper that was touched by so many people before he could get it.

He wanted to do something for Jensen, but he didn’t know what he could do. Jared let out a long, deep sigh and pushed himself away from his desk. He grabbed a sweatshirt, hastily pulling it over his head before leaving his room. He stopped to shove on a pair of shoes before walking out the front door.

Jared didn’t really have any destination in mind. He just needed to clear his head and have some space to think. It was great that his parents left him alone, but it was just starting to be too much.

Nearly twenty minutes later, Jared looked around and realized that he wads walking the path to Jensen’s house, the same one that he had followed most days throughout the summer. The last time he had been this way was when he went to see Jensen’s mom after he was arrested. Maybe he should go talk to her again? She would at least be able to offer some insight as to how to handle all of this. Plus, she would know more about how Jensen was really doing that he did since she probably went to visit him at least once per week.

Jared stood in front of Jensen’s house, just staring at it and thinking about how weird it felt knowing that Jensen wasn’t there. Jared knew that he couldn’t stand out here forever so he took a deep breath, walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

It was only a few seconds before the door was opened, but it felt so much longer than that. Jensen’s mom stood in the doorway, a look of confusion on her face. “Jared?” she asked.

“Uh, hey, Mrs. Ackles,” Jared said, feeling incredibly awkward. “I know this is probably a surprise, but I was kind of in the area and thought I’d stop by.” Jared knew that it sounded ridiculous and crazy but he didn’t know what else he could say.

“Oh,” she said. “Come on in.” She pulled the door open a little wider and stood aside for Jared to step into the house. “So have you been? I don’t see you anymore.”

“I’ve been ok,” Jared said as Mrs. Ackles closed the door. “Just going to school and you know… How are you doing?”

She took a deep breath before answering. “I’m ok,” she finally said. “It’s just been hard with Jensen not being here.”

Jared nodded. “I miss him,” he said. “He writes, but it’s never enough.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I know he really wants to see you. He asks about you every time.” She led him into the kitchen and Jared pulled out one of the stools he and Jensen always sat on when they talked to his mom.

“Really?” Jared asked. 

“Yes. He always wants to know if I’ve seen you and if I know how you’re doing. He also said that the letters aren’t enough,” she explained. “But he’s having the same problem with Mackenzie.”

“Can’t she go?”

Mrs. Ackles shook her head. “There’s an age requirement and Mackenzie definitely doesn’t reach it. Josh barely made it the first time. So, instead Jensen’s been writing to her every week. He calls when he can, but it’s not often.”

“He can call?” Jared asked hopefully, pushing the thoughts of how his parents would react to that out of his head.

“Only to family,” she said. “He wishes that he could be out here with you.”

“I wish he could be here, too,” Jared said. “And it’s Christmas and I just feel so bad for him.”

“I do too, but he made his decisions,” she said. “I don’t want him to be there anymore than you do, but we both have to remember that he made his decisions and lost his temper and he has to deal with the consequences for what he did.”

“But it’s not fair,” Jared said. “I mean, yeah, Jensen screwed up, but those boys were at fault too. If they would have just minded their own business everything would have been fine.”

“That’s not how it works,” she said. “I know that’s how we want it to work, but the law sees black and white and unfortunately for Jensen, this is what happened.”

“I just, I just wish there was something I could do for him. He’s spending Christmas in a jail cell,” Jared said. “It was supposed to be our first Christmas together.”

Mrs. Ackles sighed. “I know it’s hard for you, Jared, but we all want him back. He doesn’t want to be there, especially on Christmas. He’s already had to do that once.”

“What?” Jared asked, but then he remembered. “Oh wait. That would make sense.” Jensen had transferred in March and had been in juvie for four months prior to that, which would make this the second Christmas in a row that he spent inside. “I guess I just still don’t like it.”

“None of us like it, but it is what it is and we can’t change that. I want Jensen here more than you do, but that’s not how it works.”

“I just wish there was something I could do for him,” Jared said. “I’ve been getting gifts for my family and everything, but I don’t feel like I could really do anything for him.”

She took a deep breath. “I know, but with all the restrictions they place, there’s really nothing we can do for him. I wish that I could give him some kind of gift or something, but the center is really strict about what can be brought in.”

“And if there’s nothing you can do for him, there’s really nothing I could do,” Jared said. “At least until he gets out.”

“That might just be what you are going to have to do,” she explained. “I know you don’t like it, but that might just be how it goes. Mackenzie wants to get him something for Christmas too, but I had to tell her the same thing that I said last year.”

Jared went silent, unsure of how to respond. He constantly forgot that this was Jensen’s family and it was just as hard, if not harder, on them as it was on him. They had already been through this once, but after talking with Jensen’s mom, that didn’t seem to make a difference. Jensen still wasn’t home and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. 

“Jared,” Mrs. Ackles said, pulling Jared from his own thoughts, “ I know that this is hard on you. It’s hard on all of us, but I want you to know that you are always welcome here. There’s not a lot of people who will understand what you’re going through and I want you to know that you always have a place to talk to someone.”

“Thanks,” Jared said. “That really means a lot. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I wish I had answers, but right now, we just have to be patient.”

“I should probably get going. My parents’ll probably be wondering where I went,” Jared said. “It was really nice talking to you, Mrs. Ackles.”

“Anytime you need to talk, Jared.”

Jared jumped down from the chair started to make his way out of the kitchen. “Um, Mrs. Ackles? Can you do me one favor?”

“You want me to tell Jensen that you’re doing ok and that you miss him?” she guessed.

“How’d you know?” 

She smiled. “It wasn’t that hard to guess. I’ll let him know the next time I go to see him.”

“Thanks,” Jared said. He turned around and walked out of the house, toward the end of the driveway, and back toward his own house.

He felt better, but there was no denying that he would feel even better if Jensen was here with him.

***

It was his second year in juvie. His second year of watching the cheesy Christmas decorations go up. His second year of wondering what his family would be doing without him. His second year of wishing that he could just be home, even just for this one day. 

Jensen tried to push all of thoughts of the upcoming holidays from his head and pretend like this was just another month with no holidays or anything out of the ordinary. It wasn’t easy. The Christmas decorations, although limited, were a constant reminder that Christmas time was upon them and he wouldn’t get to celebrate. The officers in the detention center did their best to make it most pleasant, but nothing helped. There was nothing that would change the fact that Jensen, along with all of the other boys, were stuck here while their friends and families celebrated without them.

Jensen kept to himself, trying to ignore everything else around him. Part of him thought that he should be happy. After all, once they passed Christmas, there were just nine more weeks left on his sentence. That thought didn’t help. He just wanted out.

On Christmas morning, they were awoken at 6:15 am, just like every morning. Jensen wondered if his sister was up and already tearing into presents their mom had piled under the tree. He wondered what Jared was doing with his family right now and if Jared was thinking of him. Jensen couldn’t blame Jared if he wasn’t.

Jensen went through the motions, trying to convince himself that it was a normal day. It didn’t work. Despite the cheeriness that the holidays were supposed to bring, everyone seemed very quiet. It wasn’t hard to blame them. They were all stuck in here while the rest of the world got to celebrate. 

Jensen spent his rec time reading, just like he always did. He had gotten a new book from the library and was trying to focus on it, but was having challenges. He couldn’t focus on the words on the page because his thoughts kept drifting off to his family. He was pretty sure that his mom was going to come and visit today, but that didn’t give him much comfort. It was always great to see his mom, but he hated that their visiting hours were restricted and supervised. He missed being able to walk into the kitchen and talk to his mom about whatever he wanted. He missed being able to talk to his brother and sister. He missed Jared. He missed Jared so much and hated that they could only talk by letters. He was tempted to try and persuade his mom to invite Jared over just so Jensen could call home and talk to him that way. There was no way that he would have been able to call Jared’s house directly, even if he had had the number. But Jensen wasn’t willing to risk it. Those phone calls to his family were part of what helped him keep his sanity and if he was caught abusing those privileges, he knew that those would be taken away faster than he could say “privilege”.

Jensen looked up from his book and glanced at the clock. It was still pretty early, barely 11:00. He didn’t know when his mom would show up, or even if she would show up (although knowing her, she would try and visit on Christmas, even though it killed her). He wondered if his brother would come to or if he would stay home and keep Mack company. She shouldn’t have to be alone on Christmas just because his brother couldn’t control his temper.

Lunch passed by uneventfully. They had a Christmas dinner, which he supposed was better than the normal food, but at this point, he thought he would have almost preferred having normal food. Maybe then he could pretend that there was nothing special about today.

Around 1:00, he was finally told that he had a visitor. He walked alongside the officer down the hallway with his hands held firmly behind his back. Jensen walked into the visiting area and saw his mom sitting at one of the tables.

Jensen couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his lips. Just like that, his day got a little better, although there was still a lot of room for improvement. “Hey, mom,” Jensen said, walking over a having a seat.

“Merry Christmas,” she said.

“Merry Christmas,” Jensen said.

“You don’t seem in a very cherry mood,” she said.

Jensen shrugged. “It’s Christmas and I’m in here. It’s kind of hard to be cheery. I mean, I know it’s my fault, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I know, sweetie, but we’re going to have to make do with what we have,” she said.

“How’s Mack?” Jensen asked, changing the subject. He knew it would hurt to talk about what was happening with his family, but anything was better than talking about what it was like in here.

“She’s doing good. Up before the sun,” his mom said.

“So nothing’s changed?” Jensen asked.

“No,” she laughed, “but you used to be the same way. The two of you would have been up and opening presents at 4:00 am if I would have let you.”

“Yeah, you and your rules. No one could come out of their bedroom until 6:00,” Jensen said. “It was always a stupid rule.”

“Yes, well, when you were younger, it was more necessary.”

“I’ll bet,” Jensen said.

“So how was your day?” she asked.

Jensen shrugged. The truth was there was nothing special about his day. He didn’t need his mom feeling sorry for him because she celebrated their normal Christmas traditions with her two non-delinquent children, while Jensen tried to pretend that Christmas didn’t exist. 

“That’s not an answer,” she said.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Jensen admitted. “It’s nothing like how Christmas is at home. You know that.”

“But I still want to be able to talk to my son and make sure that he is doing ok.”

“I’m doing fine, mom,” Jensen assured her. He was doing as good as he could. “I just… I just don’t want to be in here anymore.”

“I know,” his mom told him. “I don’t want to have to keep coming to a jail so I can see my son.” Jensen looked down at the table, unable to meet his mom’s eyes. “I want what’s best for you and I know that you are better than the person who keeps getting in trouble with the law.”

“I wish other people could see it that way.”

“You’ve already convinced one person,” she said.

Jensen looked up, a mask of confusion written on his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Jared doesn’t think you’re a bad person.”

Jensen couldn’t help the smile that creeped on his face. “Well, Jared’s different.”

“He came by the house the other day,” she said and Jensen’s face lit up. 

“Really?” he asked excitedly. “How was he? Did he say anything?”

“Jared is doing fine. He misses you and was worried about you,” she said. 

“I miss him too. I miss him so much and I just wish that I was out and I could see him. I mean, this was supposed to be our first Christmas together and— what are you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” his mom said quickly. “It’s just, that’s the same thing Jared said when he stopped by. He was talking about how it was supposed to be your first Christmas and now he didn’t know what to do with himself.”

Jensen was silent for a moment before he said, “It’s my fault, you know? I mean, we wouldn’t be in this mess if I could just control my temper,” Jensen said. “I just feel terrible for all of this. I mean, Jared has to go through all this and he definitely shouldn’t have to. He doesn’t deserve it and I’m dumping all this crap on you and Mack and Josh and it’s just not fair and I feel absolutely terrible about it.” Jensen scrubbed at his face with his hands. “I just don’t know what I can do.”

“It’s hard on all of us, Jensen,” his mom said. “I’m not going to even try to deny that. It’s hard coming to visit you. It’s hard knowing that you’re not going to be at home when I get back from work. It’s hard knowing that when I wake up in the middle of the night, you aren’t going to be asleep in your own bed down the hall.” Jensen looked up at his mom, wondering where on earth she was going with this. He felt terrible enough and he didn’t need her listing all of the ways that he had screwed up everyone’s life. “But you can’t blame yourself for everything. I know you made bad decisions. I can’t deny that and I pray to God that you can learn to control yourself in the future because pretty soon you’ll be eighteen and then things can get even worse.”

His took a breath and paused, trying to collect herself. “I just want what’s best for you. I want what’s best for all of my kids, but I want you to know that I still think that you are going to turn out ok, even after all of this. You have your family and you’ve already found someone else who cares for you very much. I think you can do it, so maybe it’s time that we stop thinking about all those mistakes and start focusing on how we’re going to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”

“It’s just…” Jensen started to say, but he trailed off.

“It’s just what?” his mom asked. “It’s just too hard? Because I know that it is not too hard for you. It will be hard, but I know that you can do it.”

“I just don’t know, mom. I want to change and want to make sure that I don’t end up in jail again because I know that if something happens, I’m not back here, I’m in an adult jail and believe me, that is the last thing I want. I just don’t really know how I’m going to get myself out of this mess.”

“That’s why you have us,” his mom said. “No one is expecting you to be able to change without any help. We’re all here for you. Me, Josh, Mackenzie. I’m sure that even Jared is here to help.”

“That means a lot,” Jensen said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You have no idea how much that means.”

“We just want to see you do the best that you can and we’re going to help you,” she said. “But you have to make the first move. We can provide all the support that you need, but you are going to have to put in the majority of the work.”

“I know,” Jensen said. “And I’m already trying. I told you that I was already working toward my GED. They’ll let me take the test in here.”

“That’s good. That’s a start,” she encouraged. “But it’s going to take more than that.”

“I know, but I don’t know what else that I will be be able to do. Like, once I get out, I’ll have to find a job or something because…” Jensen trailed off. It was still hard to admit that college was not going to be an option for him. Not with his record. But that was something to deal with on another day. “I just want to get out of here. That’s all I can think about right now. Getting out and seeing Mack and Jared and being home.”

“Soon,” she said.

“Not soon enough.”

The visit ended much to soon for Jensen’s liking, but those were the rules. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t just sit around and talk to his mom all day. They said their goodbyes and walked out of separate ends of the room. Jensen’s mom out toward reception area and the outside world while Jensen was escorted by a guard through the hallways back toward the cells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give a head's up that there's only two more updates after this one. I also want to just say thank you so much to everyone who has read and stuck with this story through this point. Thank you so much!


	23. Chapter 23

If Jared was honest, he was kind of amazed that he had managed to keep it a secret from his parents for this long. It was no secret that his parents hated Jensen, despite not knowing him, and wanted their son to stay far away from him. What they didn’t know was that Jared was still in contact with Jensen, exchanging letters at least once per week so they wouldn’t have to spend over four months completely apart. 

It was the middle of January when that finally changed. Most days, Jared would rush home to make sure that he would be able to pick up the mail. This helped to make sure that his parents wouldn’t see who was sending Jared mail. There was a post box on the way to school where Jared would drop his own letters to make sure his parents couldn’t find out who he was sending mail to. All in all, Jared thought he had come up with a pretty good system. That was, until he came home from school and found his mom’s car sitting in the driveway. 

Jared felt his stomach drop. It was Wednesday. The day he normally received Jensen’s letters. Maybe she hadn’t picked up the mail when she got home or maybe Jensen’s letter would be late this week. Jared still had a shot. However, when he opened the mailbox and found it empty, Jared felt his stomach drop. His mom picked up the mail and if there was a letter from Jensen was in there, he was going to be in so much trouble.

Jared started to panic. What should he do? If Jensen’s letter was in there, there was absolutely no way that this could end well. His mom was going to kill him and then she would tell his dad who would find a way to bring him back from the dead just so he could kill him again. 

He briefly considered running. He didn’t know where he would go, but he could just run away and avoid the whole thing. That probably wasn’t the best solution. Maybe he could just play dumb and pretend that he has no idea what his mom is talking about. He didn’t want to just blame it on Jensen, but that might be the only way that he would be able to get out of this alive. 

Jared took deep breath before closing the mailbox and walking down the driveway. He pushed open the front door.

“Jared?” he heard his mom yell. 

Jared swallowed hard before calling back. “Yeah?”

“Jared Tristan Padalecki, what is the meaning of this?” his mom came stomping into the living room, a few pieces of paper clenched in her hands. She looked like she was about to explode and Jared knew that she had found Jensen’s letter. Jared didn’t think he had ever seen her this mad, not even when the police showed up to question Jared and she found about his relationship with Jensen.

“Meaning of what?” Jared asked, his voice trembling slightly. He honestly wasn’t sure if he would be able to lie her.

“This letter,” she snapped, shaking the letter. “We told you that you were to stay away from that hoodlum.”

“Jensen isn’t a hoodlum,” Jared said. “You don’t even know him!”

“So you admit that you were writing to him?”

“Uh…” Jared said, faltering slightly.

“I read the letter. It’s obvious that you’ve been writing to him even though we explicitly told you that you were to stay away from him.”

“Fine,” Jared sighed. “I can’t win this argument, so fine. Yeah, I’ve been writing to Jensen and he’s been writing back. What else do you want me to say?”

If Jared’s mom looked angry before, it was nothing compared to how she looked now. “You can go to your room. We’ll deal with this when your father gets home.”

“Fine,” Jared said. He moved passed his mom and ran up the stairs to his room. He slammed his bedroom door and flopped on his bed. He pressed his face into his pillow, trying to block out everything around him. 

He couldn’t help but wonder when his life became such a mess. It used to be so easy. He had homework and his small group of friends and that was it. Then Jensen came barging into his life and everything got so much more complicated. It wasn’t that he was upset that he met Jensen. Arguably, meeting Jensen was the best thing that happened to him. He had learned so much about himself and life in general and he wasn’t willing to change that for anything. 

However, right now, Jared didn’t now what to do. Not for the first time, he just wanted a do over. He just wished that things didn’t have to go this way. He just wished that it could be easier. Although, maybe if it was easier, it wouldn’t be the same as it was and if it meant that he wouldn’t get to be with Jensen, Jared wasn’t sure if he would choose the easier way.

He just wanted Jensen. He wanted to be with him. He wanted to hug him and kiss him. He wanted to hold Jensen in his arms. He wanted to talk without it being through letters. 

But Jared wouldn’t be able to have any of the things he wanted until March 1st, when Jensen was finally released. Jared knew that he was going to be there as soon as he was released. He didn’t want to wait any longer than he absolutely have to.

Nearly an hour and a half later, there was a knock on Jared’s door. Jared groaned, but knew that he couldn’t ignore it. His dad was home and now he was going to get it.  
Jared stood up, went over to the door and yanked it open. Sure enough, both of his parents were standing on the other side and neither looked very happy.

“Let’s go inside,” his dad said, gesturing to Jared’s room. It made sense. This conversation probably wouldn’t end well if there was a doorway between them and Jared was the one who had control of the door.

Jared backed slowly into the room, making sure that his parents had enough room. He hated this position. There was no where for him to run, so this conversation wouldn’t be over until his parents decided that it was over.

Jared looked nervously between his parents. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He knew he went behind his parents’ backs to send the letters to Jensen, but he didn’t regret it. He needed to talk to Jensen and frankly didn’t care what his parents said about it. He didn’t care if they banned him from talking to Jensen again. Somehow, he promised himself, somehow he was going to find a way to make sure that he could still talk to Jensen.

“Your mother showed me the letter you got today,” his dad said. “Do you want to explain it?”

“Not really,” Jared answered truthfully. It wasn’t the answer that his parents were looking for, but it was the truth so that had to count for something.

“Too bad. You can explain it.”

Jared shrugged. “It was a letter from a friend.”

“It was a letter from that delinquent that we explicitly told him to stay away from!” his mom interjected. “That boy is in jail and is still writing letters to Jared and Jared’s been writing back!”

“I… wait,” Jared said, connecting the dots, “how do you know I’ve been writing back?”

“It’s clear in the letter,” she stated matter-of-factly. “The first line is ‘I was so happy to hear from you’. Obviously you’ve been writing to him before.”

“You opened my mail?” Jared asked.

“I had a very good reason to.”

“No you didn’t. There literally is no reason for you to have opened my mail other than to snoop and prove that you don’t trust your own child!” Jared snapped. 

“Jared, the letter was clearly sent from that jail,” his dad explained. Jared still hadn’t figured out how is dad managed to remain so clam through all of this.

“She is going through my mail!” Jared shouted. “How is that ok?”

“You need to calm down,” his dad snapped. “There is no reason to yell about this.”

“She is going through my mail and reading conversations that aren’t meant for her,” Jared tried to explain. “She can do whatever she wants and it doesn’t matter?”

“You went behind both of our backs. We explicitly told you that you were not to see that boy again and what happened? You did it anyway,” his reasoned, her voice slightly calmer than it had been before. “When we tell you to do something, or not to do something, we expect you to listen and actually do it.”

“You guys never even asked me,” Jared argued.

“Asked you about what?” his dad asked.

“Asked about anything. All you saw was that I was talking with someone and friends someone who you didn’t approve of because all you know about him is that he was in juvie and is now back in juvie and you’re making all of these assumptions based on that,” Jared said. “It’s like you don’t even care about what I want.”

“We want what’s best for you and sometimes it’s hard for you to know what’s best for you,” his dad tried to reason.

“I am almost eighteen. Pretty soon I’m going to have to make all of these decisions for myself instead of relying on you guys to make them for me,” Jared said. “What happens then? I go to college and you move in next door to make sure that I make good decisions and never make a mistake?”

“You need to lay off that attitude,” his mom said. “I don’t like it.”

“And I don’t like you make judgments about who I should and shouldn’t be friends with. It’s my life, not yours.”

“We’re not making any progress here,” his dad said. “Bottom line is that you are grounded. Again.”

“What?” Jared asked. He really shouldn’t have been surprised, but it still sucked.

“You are grounded because you went behind our backs,” he explained. “You are not to have any more contact with that boy. I know you don’t think it’s fair, but we’re just trying to do what’s best for you and so this is how it’s going to happen.”

“Whatever,” Jared muttered. “Fine. Just leave me the hell alone.”

“Just for that, you can take an extra week.”

“It doesn’t even matter,” Jared said.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Why do you even care?” he asked. “You’ve never bothered to ask for my opinion this far, so why should you start asking now? Just get out and leave me alone I’ll do my punishment, but just get out!”

“We will talk about this later,” his dad promised.

Jared rolled his eyes and turned away. As soon as his parents left the room, he ran over to the door, pushed it shut and flipped the lock. He sank down to the floor, wrapped his arms around his knees and tried to calm down. 

He hated this. He just wanted Jensen. He needed Jensen because Jensen would know exactly what to do, but there was still a few more weeks before Jared would finally be able to see him.

***

_Dear Jensen,_

_I know I say it every time, but I hate that this is how we have to communicate. However, I don’t want you to feel bad about it. We both know what would have happened if it wasn’t for you and I can’t thank you enough for that._

_I’m sorry to hear about how boring it is for you there. I was looking online at the rules to try and figure out if I could send you something, but it looks like that’s not really an option. I guess I’ll just have to wait until you get out and then you can get everything at once. It’s not the same, but it looks like that’s what we’ll have to do. I don’t like it._

_How are your GED classes going? I think it was two weeks ago that you had mentioned that you were taking classes so you could get that. Are you still doing those? Are they hard? What’s worse: high school classes or GED classes? (I need something to compare it to.)_

_There’s not much new here. School is school and I can’t wait until this year is over. Well, after March 1st it might get a little better even though I know that you’re not coming back here. At least I’m assuming that you’re not since you’re working on your GED classes in there. I hope you can finish those so you don’t have to come back here. I feel like people would be even worse if you came back._

_I’m sitting in my English class right now. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear and you are probably internally yelling at me to pay attention in class. I would, but it’s just not that easy. Especially today._

_Mrs. Geiger is going on and on about the symbolism in Heart of Darkness but I can’t see where she’s coming from. You’d probably be able to since you read so much and seem to understand where the teachers pull these symbols from. I just don’t get it. I read the book (kinda), but all it was was some stupid, boring story about a man on the river in the Congo. It was absolutely torturous to get through. It was so bad that I couldn’t even finish it (but I think I did a pretty decent job faking my way through the assignments)._

_Ok. I’m just stalling. There is a point to this whole letter. I don’t really know how to explain this without you feeling like it’s your fault. So can you promise me that you won’t blame yourself for what I’m about to tell you? Please?_

_My parents found the last letter your wrote me. Pretty much everyday, I’m the first person home so I bring in the mail. I can always grab your letter out there and my parents never had to know about it. Well, the other day, my mom beat me home. She brought in the mail and as she saw going through it, she saw the letter from you. Obviously, she wasn’t happy. She said we’d deal with it when my dad got home and then the yelling got worse. They don’t want me associating with someone like you._

_I don’t care. They don’t know you like I do and they don’t seem to want to take the time to get to know you. Well, that’s their loss. I mean, we started out pretty rocky, but I am so glad that I was finally able to get my head about of my butt and realize that I should get to know you for the person you are, because that person is so unbelievably amazing._

_Anyway, I really hope that you aren’t blaming yourself. I don’t blame you for this. There’s no way of knowing that my mom was going to beat me home on the exact day that your letter came. I guess the universe just has it out for the two of us. At least, that’s how it feels._

_So, that’s why it’s taken this letter a bit longer to get to you. I just didn’t know how to tell you this because I know that you’re going to get angry about it and that’s the last thing I want. It sucks, but that’s just the situation right now. I wish it didn’t have to be this way but it is._

_I’ll still keep writing to you. I’ve been dropping these off at the public post box on my way to school and I’ll just keep doing that. But I guess that it’s going to be a pretty one sided conversation from now on because I don’t think that there is going to be a way for me to get letters from you. My parents will freak out if they find another letter from you and while I can handle it, I know that you won’t be ok with it. Again, it sucks, but I guess we’ll just both have to live with it._

_I hate this. I haven’t seen you since November and won’t get to see you again until March. It’s been too long and there’s still too long to go. Mix that in with couples at school freaking out because they have to spend a week apart because one of them is going on a family vacation. A week? I wish it would have only been a week with us, but no such luck. We’ll both just have to keep waiting until then._

_I should probably go now, but I don’t want to. I would love to keep writing to you, but I still have school. Again, I’m sorry that this mess has gotten more complicated, but I promise that I will keep writing to you, even if you can’t write back to me. I know you probably don’t like that solution, but we’ll just have to deal with it._

_I miss you, Jensen and I can’t wait until you’re out._

_Love,_  
Jared  


Jensen read over the letter from Jared a second time, just like he always did. This time was different. All of Jared’s previous letters have made him so happy and gave him something to look forward to. Now he was angry and frustrated. Jared’s parent’s had found his letter. Jared was in grounded because of him. And now, one of the only things that had kept him sane was being taken away from him. Everything just sucked.

His first instinct was to write Jared back immediately, to tell him that everything was going to be fine. But he couldn’t do that. Not anymore. He had no way of talking to Jared until March, which was over six weeks away. Sure, Jared could still talk to him, but it wasn’t the same. He couldn’t respond to Jared, couldn’t ask him questions, couldn’t do anything to interact with him.

Something told him that the rest of his sentence was going to be so much worse that the first half. However, thankfully, there were only two months to go and then he would be free.


	24. Chapter 24

Jared could hardly contain his excitement. It was March 1st, which only meant one thing. Jensen was going to be released today. He was finally going to see him for the first time in over four months and he just couldn’t wait. 

The entire day seemed to pass slowly as if time was just mocking him. Jared knew that he had spent more time staring at the clock, willing time to pass by faster than he did actually paying attention to his teachers. That was ok though because none of that mattered right now. He was going to get to see Jensen in just a few short hours.

The last four months had been difficult. He only had the few letters from Jensen, all of which were over six weeks old. He wrote to Jensen when he could, but it never felt like enough. Even having responses to his earlier letters was never enough. It still wasn’t Jensen.

Jared had been tempted to just skip school today, but two things held him back. First, he knew that his parents would kick his ass if he did that and secondly, he knew Jensen would be pissed at him. The second reason held him back moreso. The whole point of Jensen going back to juvie was so that Jared could stay out of trouble and it just didn’t feel right to do something that could get him into trouble just to see Jensen. Instead, Jared sat through what felt like endless hours of classes, just waiting to see him.

When the final bell of the day rang, Jared bolted from his seat in class. He hastily grabbed his backpack out of his locker and slammed it shut, practically running from the school towards Jensen’s house. He was halfway there when he realized that he would still have two more hours until he could see Jensen since Jensen wasn’t being released until 5:00. 

He sighed and instead walked over to a local park. He found an empty bench and sat down. Just two more hours and then he could see Jensen. Two more hours, which passed by even slower than his time at school did, but finally, it was almost time and he could go over to Jensen’s house.

He walked up the front steps, knowing he was a little early. He didn’t care. He wanted to be here when Jensen got home. Thankfully, Jensen’s sister was already there. She was just as excited to see Jensen as Jared was so they kept each other company, just waiting.

Finally, they heard a car pull up in the driveway. They both sprung to their feet and raced to the door, Mackenzie slightly ahead of Jared. He knew that she should get to see him first. After all, Jensen was her brother, but that didn’t mean that Jared didn’t want to see him any less.

He followed Mackenize through the front door and smiled.

***

Time in juvie always passed by slowly, but it seems to go by even slower when it is the day you are scheduled to be released. Jensen knew he wasn’t going to be released until 5:00, but that didn’t stop him from looking at clock every chance he got. To his frustration, the clock seemed to barely move. 

“You know, staring at it’s not going to make it move any faster,” one of the supervisors had said.

“Yeah, well, I don’t think it’s possible for it to go any slower,” Jensen said.

The day passed by slowly and all Jensen could think about was getting out of this building. He would get to see his mom and give her a hug, something he hadn’t been able to do in four months. He would be able to see his sister, who he hadn’t seen in four months. He knew that he would have some serious apologizing to do to her. Then, he would be able to see Jared. He had missed Jared so much over the last four months and no amount of letters ever seemed to be enough.

Finally, it was 5:00. His cell had been cleaned up, he had turned in his issued clothes and changed into his own street clothes, and was led through the halls for the last time. This was one thing he wasn’t going to miss, although he knew that he wasn’t going to miss anything here.

He pushed open the door and saw his mom and brother waiting on the other side. He wasted no time going over and pulling his mom into a big hug. “It’s going to be ok,” he whispered into her ear.

When he pulled back, he saw that she had tears in her eyes and he had no idea how to feel about that. Before he could dwell on it too much, his brother pulled him into a hug as well. The hugs felt so good after four months of hardly any physical contact.

There were a few papers to be signed and the obligatory warnings to stay out of trouble, but then he was free to go. 

By the time he got home, he was bouncing with energy. He knew that his sister was waiting for him and he had to take care of her first. Then, the first thing he was going to do was call Jared. 

His mom had just barely put the car in park when he saw his sister running out the door towards him. He hurriedly got out and pulled his sister into a big hug. 

“Are you staying home this time?” she asked.

“Yes,” Jensen said. “I promise.”

“You said that the last time,” she pointed out.

“I know and I made a mistake, but I promise that I’m not going to leave you again. I promise.”

“You better,” she warned.

Jensen laughed. “I promise, Mack, and I promise that I’m going to make it up to you.” He was going to tell her all the ways he was going to make it up to her when he noticed someone else standing in the doorway. 

Jared was there. 

Jensen didn’t even think. He pulled away from his sister and ran toward Jared, pulling him close when he finally reached him. “You’re here,” Jensen said. 

“And so are you,” Jared said. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” Jensen said, kissing Jared. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“What? Did you really think that I wasn’t going to come and see you the second I could?”

“I…I honestly didn’t know what you were going to do,” Jensen said. 

“Well, I’m here now. Let’s focus on that,” Jared said, kissing Jensen again.

“I like that plan.”

Four months was a long time to be apart, but it seemed that in those four months Jared hadn’t changed at all. He was still the same person he was when Jensen was arrested and for that, Jensen was incredibly grateful. However, more than that, he was just thankful he had met Jared in the first place because right now, he could just tell that everything was going to be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe that's it. I know it's short, but this was always how I had imagined this story ending and for once I think everyone in this story is happy (which I couldn't necessarily say for a lot of this story).
> 
> I hope that you had as much fun reading this story as I did writing it. I also have to say thank you again for reading and sticking with it all the way to the end. I really, really appreciate it. 
> 
> I hope to be posting more stories in the future here, but in the mean time, you can find me on tumblr at [rosesparks23](rosesparks23.tumblr.com).
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading!


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